Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML
Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not, and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bi-curious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML
Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML
Today, as usual, my mother had wine when she has the next day off. Three bottles deep, she started talking about an Indian burial ground that haunts the house, and she knows this because they talk to her in her dreams, so she is right. FML
Today, I received a text from my mom saying, "We need to talk." I panicked and replied, "What did I do now?" She responded, "I was going to ask what you wanted for dinner, but now I’m curious about what you're hiding." FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML
Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML
Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML
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Top comments
lenamartinovic 13
How do you know your sister hasn't been traveling with the Doctor while you're sleeping?
meeeaner_th 16
Bit of a harsh username there, OP.
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Comments (61)
dyehardxen 19
"...who her that told her that one of her children..." did the first 'who her' throw anyone else off?
alycion 39
Everyone keeps secrets at one time or another. With multiple kids, its a good guess that someone is keeping something quiet. Kind of how the psychic thing seems to work, play the odds and read reactions.
Damian95 16
"Mom, the truth is...that under all of these clothes...I'm naked. Please don't be angry ill never do it again."
WolfAtTheDoor 7
I feel sorry for you, OP. These "psychics" should be taken lightly...or just not visited at all. This will probably be a self-fulfilling prophecy as you and your siblings could start sneaking out or breaking your punishments.
PenguinBitch 44
You're an alien. I know. Tell her that the dark secret is knowing what she did last night. She'll be insecure.
cmc1868 7
Mom, the "dark secret" is psychics are con artists.
perdix 31
Just pee in your bed and tell your mom that your "dark secret" in that you are a bed-wetter. You'll be good to go and get a new mattress to boot.
jrod9327 17
Make up a secret. Something dark but not necessarily grounding worthy
watsinausername 13
Tell her you are actually catwoman.
LadySigyn 17
"Mom, the truth is...I dont actually eat all of my vegetables. I feed them to the dog..."