Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML
Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not, and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bi-curious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML
Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML
Today, as usual, my mother had wine when she has the next day off. Three bottles deep, she started talking about an Indian burial ground that haunts the house, and she knows this because they talk to her in her dreams, so she is right. FML
Today, I received a text from my mom saying, "We need to talk." I panicked and replied, "What did I do now?" She responded, "I was going to ask what you wanted for dinner, but now I’m curious about what you're hiding." FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML
Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML
Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML
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Top comments
lenamartinovic 13
How do you know your sister hasn't been traveling with the Doctor while you're sleeping?
meeeaner_th 16
Bit of a harsh username there, OP.
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Comments (61)
BookWorm13 3
How many siblings do you have, because if you have a lot one is bound to have one that's kinda bad
CharresBarkrey 16
I agree. "Our obviously non-existent secret?" Isn't that the point of a secret? To make other people think it doesn't exist? Chances are one of OP's siblings does have a secret, like you said.
Enslaved 38
Tell her your dark secret is you called her a "gullible ****" on FML. I'm sure she'll unground you after that confession.
Reaper1984 13
LMFAO I dont care what n e one says that was the BEST response to this FML
jlarae12 10
It's like I'm finding my secret siblings on this site :) lol
DJPOPE 9
oh wow..harsh!
panda_lou 11
Perhaps you don't have a dark secret but someone else does. We don't always share everything with the people we are closest to.
Erzebet_fml 7
Really? You nor any of your siblings are keeping one single, solitary secret from your parents? Yeeeeaaaahh, I'm not stupid enough to believe that.
EvilUndead 9
"My dark secret: I hate all psychics". Do you have a dad? Your parents might need to talk.
mistercrow 9
"But two can't keep a secret unless one of them is dead..."
heavenleigh85 5
PLL reference..lol the song is about the only good thing about that crappy show!
CharresBarkrey 16
67 - That's an actual song, I don't think it's just a PLL thing.
fantasyworld 39
The song is called Secret by The Pierces.
janro72 10
seems like she should visit a psychologist next
Suaria 38
Honestly one of you must have a deep dark secret because everyone does.
ThecomingofTan 9
My deep dark secret is that when I run low on lotion I make my dad buy me some more at the store........for my dry skin.