Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML
Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not, and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bi-curious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML
Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML
Today, as usual, my mother had wine when she has the next day off. Three bottles deep, she started talking about an Indian burial ground that haunts the house, and she knows this because they talk to her in her dreams, so she is right. FML
Today, I received a text from my mom saying, "We need to talk." I panicked and replied, "What did I do now?" She responded, "I was going to ask what you wanted for dinner, but now I’m curious about what you're hiding." FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML
Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML
Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML
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Top comments
lenamartinovic 13
How do you know your sister hasn't been traveling with the Doctor while you're sleeping?
meeeaner_th 16
Bit of a harsh username there, OP.
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Comments (61)
Satoaoi 13
I'm sorry your mom is a gullible idiot
w0rk3rj4ck 14
why don't you just visit the psychic and punch them in the face?
llama612 27
I would say the psychic here is just playing the odds since if you were all grounded it suggests your still in your teens and what not and most kids have secrets from there parents. But you don't want to prove this psychic right because your mother will just keep going to see her. Some people might say just make up a secret but if you do that it only proves the psychic right and your mother keeps going. Stay strong OP and just keep telling your mum she's being silly grounding you all on a psychics word.
pmnilsen 2
Ask her to get the psychic to tell her the secret if she is actually psychic
JohnBlack1991 4
I have a feeling that would only make things worse...
gregnc_fml 18
I wonder how much this lie cost her?
Mopmob02 18
Of course one of you have a dark secret, didn't you know that all phycics are real? Wow op, i feel sorry that your mother believes in that stuff. Hopefully she doesnt waste too much money on them.
Grimnirwher9 21
Leave a few empty liquor bottles in your sibling's bedroom and make sure your mother finds them.
OfficeNinja 5
Perfect! Say your "dark secret" is that the psychic touched you "down there".
ravenxcorvinus 9
make one up.
tf5f89 7
Why don't you pay the psychic a visit yourself? It's probably easier than convincing your mother not to believe that shit. The psychic's just in it for the money, so it shouldn't be too hard to get them to tell your mom something different.