Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML
Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not, and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bi-curious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML
Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML
Today, as usual, my mother had wine when she has the next day off. Three bottles deep, she started talking about an Indian burial ground that haunts the house, and she knows this because they talk to her in her dreams, so she is right. FML
Today, I received a text from my mom saying, "We need to talk." I panicked and replied, "What did I do now?" She responded, "I was going to ask what you wanted for dinner, but now I’m curious about what you're hiding." FML
Today, my mom admitted to me that, when I was a baby, my grandmother kidnapped me and took me to the priest to perform an exorcism, because she swore I was the "spawn of Satan." FML
Today, after my mom picked me up from the mall, she asked me what was in my bag from Gap. I wouldn't tell her, and she ended up grounding me. It was her Mother's Day present. FML
Today, my mother took 350 dollars from savings to go to a psychic. But it's okay though, because now I know I'm an "ancient soul from another dimension". An "ancient soul" who now has no money. FML
Today, my mom confirmed my suspicions that my dad cheated on her. She then told me to hide my knowledge about it from my dad, and to keep my brother completely in the dark for now. Now I can't even look at my dad without reaching the brink of crying, and I'm somehow supposed to keep this under wraps. FML
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Top comments
lenamartinovic 13
How do you know your sister hasn't been traveling with the Doctor while you're sleeping?
meeeaner_th 16
Bit of a harsh username there, OP.
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Comments (61)
sgtcxelite 11
How do you know they aren't hiding something? Not saying the psychic bitch is right, but still. Maybe one of your siblings is pregnant, got someone pregnant, failing a class, maybe depressed, etc. You never know.
Sh1btastic 4
So you would ground your kids on the basis that there is a possibility one of them is keeping a secret from you. I would be very upset if i was your child...
Derpylicious 3
I am assuming you are underage if you can still be grounded, so find whatever the equivalent of child protective services is where you live and let them know what your mother is doing to you.
bladomas 2
all psychics are useless. One big fraud
noobsteven 3
Bribe the psychic to say something advantageous. Try something like "Your should let your children grow up by allowing them to host a party" or "Your daughter needs a car to practice good driving habits"
loveabbierose 7
my mum used to do that. a psychic told her one of her daughter's was pregnant. she went psycho on me and sisters for months. none of us were pregnant. they're all money-grabbing shams.
OMGITSAKITTY 16
Just make up a dark secret like say i once soaked the cat in water when i was 8 or something like that
fantasyworld 39
One of your siblings has to have a dark secret.
MeMyselfAndSatan 10
Some people just aren't made to be good parents
Masift 21
easy fix, you could've made up something bad, but not very bad, so that you don't get in trouble.
TomeDr 25
One of you confess and then pull out a bag of dark chocolates. Say you’ll never hide them again.