Today, the man I was going on a dinner date with bought me an expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend came and sat with us. Somehow, the subject of getting it on came up. My date then said, "Expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went on a date. I took her out to an expensive steak house. When she was done eating, she got up, said she was married, and told me she only accepted the date because I'd be paying for it. FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML
Today, I bought an expensive dress because it was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary, and he was taking me somewhere nice. When he saw me in the dress, he looked at me, laughed and said, "Seriously, what are you wearing?" FML
Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML
Today, my son was getting ready for a first date. I asked him what he was doing, and he revealed he'd saved his money and bought her a GOLD NECKLACE to show his love. I facepalmed so hard I nearly gave myself a concussion, then told him to put that away until their first anniversary or something. FML
Today, a coworker invited me out for a date, totally out of the blue. I had no idea she liked me, but I did my best to impress. She ordered the most expensive steak on the menu, two bottles of wine, and eventually picked up and went home with our waiter. I got the bill. FML
Today, I was out on a dinner date when suddenly a girl walks up to us and says to my date, "Girl, you can do so much better." Hearing this, my date looks at me, nods, gets up and walks off. I still had to pay for everything. FML
Today, on my 11-year anniversary with my wife, I bought her a nice necklace and we went to an Indian restaurant where we had the most sensational banquet meal. When we got home, I suggested we made love, to which she replied, "I don't like you enough to do that." FML
Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML
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Top comments
poolshark 0
Now would be a good time to tell him about your recent vow of celibacy...
purple5 0
Hm...I'd have said I was going to the bathroom, and then leave. You get to leave him behind and keep the necklace - score!
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Comments (170)
Fuckurlyf3 0
Oh boo ******* hoo. You get an expensive necklace AND you get laid. No sympathy....
TomFantastic 0
125 put exactly what I was gonna say, good stuff my friend
texmas 0
Tell him his flight's been canceled, and there won't be a refund.
CapriceClassic 0
Hock it.
ellameno 2
Men are such pigs.
vag_fml 0
tell him you weren't expecting a pearl neckalce so you'll accept that one on its behalf.
kanji_sensei 0
I'm guessing he's not a boyfriend....what do you expect when someone you barely know buys you something so expensive? It's not just for kicks and giggles.
vag_fml 0
132--you're a total douche.
lolatflyingducks 0
If you slept with him, even after he said that: You're probably a ****. If you gave it back to him and kept your dignity: I applaud you. #120 makes a valid point. Maybe he really does just want your pants.
sovereign_fml 0
Bitter? No. Realistic to common, everyday human nature? Absolutely.