Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I let my 4-month old puppy sleep with me. She’s been constipated for a while. I woke up to a foul odor in the middle of the night. Turns out she took a massive dump on the bed right by my head. I had to completely strip my bed to go back to sleep. FML
Today, my dog took a dump beside the air intake for our furnace. The house now smells like dog crap. FML
Today, I brought my new puppy home. I saw her sniffing around, so I took her outside to do her business. She simply played in the grass for ten minutes, so I brought her in. She walked in the door, squatted, and shit. She has diarrhea. This is the fourth time today. FML
Today, my dog farted. Immediately, he turned around to sniff his stink then furiously licked his butthole. He then licked my nose. FML
Today, I couldn’t tell that my puppy had an upset stomach before I left for work. I came home to her covered in shit inside her crate. After cleaning her up and almost being done with the mess, my husband found where she had tried to lick herself clean and then vomited it up in our bedroom. FML
Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend's family for the first time. Unfortunately, I have diarrhoea and keep leaving extremely smelly farts around the house. I blame the dog every time, but I think they're catching on. FML
Today, I've been on the verge of throwing up all day. Why? My dog is intolerant to grain, but grain-free dog food causes heart problems so she can't have that. Now our lives are filled with nasty farts and Hershey squirts with no end in sight. It's a rough time for us both. FML
Today, I gave my puppy a treat for finally doing his business in the grass instead of on the patio. He later puked it up all over the patio. FML
Today, I found dog poop in my room that had probably been there for days. My girlfriend, who was watching the house, said she didn't realize it was there, because she thought it was the smell of her own farts. FML
Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
menja 29
Well, how about you stop eating dairy products then?
WCARlover 35
I'm sorry, but picturing this going down is just hilarious. Your puppy will run out of poop eventually lol
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (81)
Giraffie5 11
Ok I'm lactose intolerant and it doesn't "kick in" unless you've had dairy products so you YDI
a1_z9 10
Sounds like the level of tolerance changes. If my intolerance to lactose was usually pretty low I know I'd be still having the occasional lactosey treat and risk the gassiness, OP can't have known they were risking puppy poops too!
katertott 44
If that's her cue now, perhaps you should pass gas while you're both OUTSIDE. That, or start substituting the dairy you're eating with lactose-free versions.
AkaPanda 12
Give the dog your cheese he will stop ******** in your carpet and you will stop ******** yourself. It's a win win
ShadowFireZelda 6
I am trying to figure out why you ate/drank something with lactose if you know you have a problem.
XtremeHeat 14
YDI for being lactose intolerant.
OrganicSistah 17
I'm lactose intolerant so I feel your pain. Sometimes drinking a glass of warm salt water helps with the farting. Pepto Bismol is another option.
chelsaaron 19
I laughed way to hard at this.
nandybear 19
Go fart outside with her. That'll probably be a great potty-training technique
GhostFox 34
Positive reinforcement is the best idea here. Also, check with your vet and worm her- most puppy's have worms, which cause the "need to go" urge. As to the lactose intolerance, as someone who has it very badly- they make tablets with the enzyme that processes the lactose in food, I suggest investing in a box or two. It doesn't 100% stop the issues, but it reduces the severity.
nikomilewis 8
If you're lactose intolerant then why are you eating dairy? Lol