Wrong place, right time

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 12:00 - Australia - Cairns

Today, a co-worker came back from his honeymoon. He passed by my office to say hi, and mentioned, "I heard you're getting married next year?" I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. He's taking his things out of the house as I write this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 675

You deserved it 151

Leave us alone

Start worrying

These boots are made for walking

By Brunofk7 - 21/11/2015 00:59 - Peru - Lima

Today, I made a multiple choice exam so my friend could practice and get a good grade on his real exam. While I was helping him finish it, the teacher saw it, thought we were cheating and failed us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 053

You deserved it 2 727

By anon - 03/12/2013 04:26 - United States - Elkhart

Today, while having sex with my husband, we had to move around our cat during position changes. Our cat controls our sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 221

You deserved it 17 514

By WearingOff - 14/07/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 356

You deserved it 8 796

By dead_painter - 04/05/2016 00:42 - United States - Arlington

Today, after spending hours of my time painting sets for the last two months - with less dedication than only the head painter herself, and to the point where my health and grades suffered - I finally got to see the play I worked so hard on. I was the only one they forgot to put in the playbill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 039

You deserved it 1 325

A tale as old as time

By flopsy - 03/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 292

You deserved it 11 323

By piliseep - 01/10/2017 23:15

Today, my cousin's three kittens peed all over every single pair of shoes under my desk, including some expensive heels. I spent two and a half hours cleaning all eighteen pairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 925

You deserved it 793

By badluckbrian - 12/06/2019 04:15

Today, I lost my job. This was a surprise, as my performance hasn’t ever been an issue. My boss couldn’t look me in the eye while it happened, and the HR representative cut me off when I tried to ask why, informing me that they would only answer benefit-related questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 280

You deserved it 121

By Anonymous - 25/12/2013 17:58 - United States - Elmont

Today, I received a pair of earrings, a necklace, and some rings as a Christmas gift from my grandma. This would have been nice if I weren't a guy. This is her way of mocking me for wearing what she calls "girl colors", such as white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 873

You deserved it 3 351

By heymacie - 19/02/2015 05:45 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 941

You deserved it 38 112

Who's that weird guy?

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 10:59

Today, I was trying to get a girl's attention, because I had a question. I shouted her name. No answer. I shouted again but louder. It wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 667

By hailey - 10/12/2012 05:10 - United States - Bethesda

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 755

You deserved it 6 714

By Anonymous - 05/10/2018 13:30

Today, my daughter asked me to braid her hair. When I was done, she said Daddy's girlfriend does it better. I wasn't aware we had an open marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 035

You deserved it 172

By Paige - 10/07/2013 14:18 - United Kingdom - Witham

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 630

You deserved it 5 708

By Anonymous - 22/12/2010 08:01 - United States

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 252

You deserved it 6 456

We Are Family

By bad dad - 15/03/2020 00:01

Today, I met my paternal grandparents for the first time, since my dad was never in my life and my mom wouldn’t talk about him. According to them, I have at least 28 other siblings from him, and who knows how many that haven’t come forward. No wonder my mom always hated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 823

You deserved it 97

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 18:53 - United Kingdom - Birkenhead

Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 148

You deserved it 3 041

By faye - 14/02/2009 18:43 - United States

Today, I got my license renewed and the woman behind the desk looked at me and said "guess we need to update the weight, huh?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 999

You deserved it 5 979

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 00:09 - United States - Green Bay

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 430

You deserved it 5 212

By Anonymous - 16/10/2017 01:30

Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 805

You deserved it 446

By Life of the party - 19/08/2009 05:13 - France

Today, I threw a party while my parents were gone. I forgot that our alarm automatically turns on at 11 pm, so when people opened the door, it went off. I couldn't find the number for the alarm company, so the cops showed up. Everyone started cheering because they thought they were strippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 851

You deserved it 55 721

By telefucked - 31/07/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 537

You deserved it 4 205

By HereWeGoAgain - 24/01/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 881

You deserved it 3 060

By Uncircumcised Penis - 24/07/2012 09:51 - Canada - Richmond

Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 556

You deserved it 2 453

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 329

You deserved it 104 939

By jjcod - 31/05/2014 09:13 - United Kingdom - London

Today, freshly dumped and at a bar, I focussed my attention on trying to stand in such a way that I looked like an attractive, alluring, confident person. Apparently I forgot how to successfully stand upright and sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 218

You deserved it 10 176

By NotSarahConnor - 11/03/2018 20:30 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my boss thought it was funny to fire me by putting on dark sunglasses and saying "You have been terminated" in a bad Arnold Schwarzenegger voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 851

You deserved it 373

By devinbyrne - 05/03/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom, when someone came up behind me. Instead of waiting for a urinal to free up, he wedged his way in between me and another guy, and promptly began peeing in my urinal, crossing streams in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 607

You deserved it 3 745

Show and tell

By Boyufd - 22/04/2020 23:00

Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 045

You deserved it 262

By Sparks - 13/03/2011 07:39 - United States

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 682

You deserved it 14 941

By Anonymous - 07/12/2013 07:17 - United States - San Pablo

Today, my fifteen year old son decided to tell his little five year old sister that Santa isn't real. She now refuses to talk to any of us and thinks "her whole life is a lie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 475

You deserved it 6 926

By fuck but no fuck - 02/08/2013 19:44 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 980

You deserved it 28 244

By Anonymous - 15/07/2017 00:30 - Italy - Verona

Today, as I woke up, the first thing I saw was a bee on my hand. I tried not to make the slightest move, waiting for it to fly away without stinging me. The second thing I saw was my cat jumping at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 686

You deserved it 428

By Failoffel - 10/05/2009 02:05 - United States

Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 601

You deserved it 52 540

By John jacob - 13/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 483

You deserved it 6 180

By sherronj - 07/06/2011 03:26 - United States

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 249

You deserved it 7 510

Brutal

By Anonymous - 21/09/2019 02:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that she prefers to be on top because I appear skinnier than I actually am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 311

You deserved it 257

By abby181 - 03/09/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 055

You deserved it 3 489

By Anonymous - 15/03/2016 05:55

Today, I had to drive down to my parents' house. On they way down, I needed to fill up on gas but unfortunately I'd forgotten my wallet at home with all of my cash and credit cards. I then had to call triple A and explain to them in all seriousness how I ran out of gas at the gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 128

You deserved it 3 289

By Nohouseforme - 07/10/2016 05:38 - United States - Tempe

Today, I was house-hunting online. I was becoming increasingly discouraged and began to look for mini-houses in absurd desperation. I noticed the Google sidebar advertising a cute mini house within my budget. Excited, I clicked on the ad - only to discover it was an ad for a child's playhouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 469

You deserved it 1 440

By Sock_Muppet - 06/04/2019 20:00

Today, I looked at my sister's Instagram story, and saw her, my brother, and my father all on a family road trip to Reno without me. I wasn't told anything about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 344

You deserved it 170

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Top comments

Seeya55 31

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Saturday 14 September 2019 12:16

Sorry OP. :( What he asked is completely and absolutely normal though, especially since the subject was very relevant to his honeymoon.

acmariner99 25

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Saturday 14 September 2019 12:40

Bad timing. it's not like he knew.

Comments

Seeya55 31

Send a private message

Saturday 14 September 2019 12:16

Sorry OP. :( What he asked is completely and absolutely normal though, especially since the subject was very relevant to his honeymoon.

acmariner99 25

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Saturday 14 September 2019 12:40

Bad timing. it's not like he knew.

Tiffani Carter 6

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Saturday 14 September 2019 23:04

I mean if he’s been gone you can’t expect him to know something that happened yesterday 🤷🏻‍♀️

DirtySalamander 7

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Wednesday 15 July 2020 22:04

she is not blaming that person for asking. you cant control what you feel. wouldnt you feel sad for a break up and someone asking if you're getting married?

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 40

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 24

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 61

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 28