Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from underground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls, only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, I was hanging with my friends when out of the blue, I got thirsty. Friends said there was Gatorade in the fridge. Being the trusting person I am, I took a drink, only to discover it was piss. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I went to a wake. When my dad picked me up, I was still pretty upset. Just when I'd had enough of death, the car hits a raccoon on the way home. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML
Today, I went skinny dipping with a few friends at my friend's house. It was really fun until one of my friends shrieked, saying there were bugs in the pool. Everyone jumped out and looked at her. Turns out the "bugs" she saw was my body hair. FML
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Top comments
malheartsnutmeg 20
You can almost taste the rabies. :o
lionandthelamb61 9
mmmm...tastes like chicken
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Comments (158)
cstrat 0
Why your friends would need a moron like you to explain something obvious to them is beyond me.
andytheandy 0
sad... American healthcare comment? hello liberal dependent.... get a real job and do not depend on government moron lmao
moon21_fml 0
this is why i don't trust environmentalists...
thisissparta 0
haha idiot
arkashadow 0
way to go noob.
LovesToFlirt 9
Lmao! You so deserved that. Bahahah.
KiaraMonet 0
Ew! Thats Freakin Digusting!
sarahmegs 0
how would you not notice a dead raccoon floating near you before you drank? haha
sexychocolate92 0
LOL!
celkey 0
lmao XD that's so funny!