Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from underground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls, only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML
Today, I went to use a public restroom. I walked into the first stall and found it occupied… by a raccoon. It hissed at me, and in my panic, I backed into a janitor's cart, knocking over the mop and bucket. I had to leave the bathroom drenched in dirty water while a crowd of people watched. FML
Today, I was hanging with my friends when out of the blue, I got thirsty. Friends said there was Gatorade in the fridge. Being the trusting person I am, I took a drink, only to discover it was piss. FML
Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML
Today, I went to a wake. When my dad picked me up, I was still pretty upset. Just when I'd had enough of death, the car hits a raccoon on the way home. FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach. I decided to quickly take out the trash before heading to the bathroom. As I opened the trash can lid, a raccoon jumped out. I learned the literal meaning of being scared shitless. FML
Today, I saw a raccoon family on my front porch. There were 3 little babies. Wanting to keep one as a pet, I scooped up one of the babies. The mother raccoon turned around, made a bizarre roaring, hissing sound, and attacked me. I’m currently in the ER covered in grass and scratches. FML
Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML
Today, I went skinny dipping with a few friends at my friend's house. It was really fun until one of my friends shrieked, saying there were bugs in the pool. Everyone jumped out and looked at her. Turns out the "bugs" she saw was my body hair. FML
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Top comments
malheartsnutmeg 20
You can almost taste the rabies. :o
lionandthelamb61 9
mmmm...tastes like chicken
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Comments (158)
elmo12 7
That my friend is just sick!!!
iluvmybf211 0
Hefty handfuls. Hefty. Really?
Sacytrl 28
Hide the raccoon from them and try to deceive them into drinking it because that's what "friends" do. :-)
worldclassrager 41
Nature takes it's course...it happens...still hope the water wasn't contaminated....
Teacatt 13
Hospital. Now.
thatonetribute 31
This is why you don't drink from nature.
The_ghetto_mango 25
Nature is actually pretty clean, especially where natural springs are involved. But occasionally, things will pollute it. I bet you are just someone who doesn't actually TAKE IN the beauty around you. You're just going by stereotypes, which, like all stereotypes, AREN'T ALWAYS TRUE.
The_ghetto_mango 25
Interestingly weird. My question: Why didn't you check the water?!
LyricaSilvan 30
I imagine the result was you adding to the filth in the water by promptly vomiting.
RetireEngland 24
Thats what you get for being a know it all