Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML
Today, my girlfriend, who's on a diet, refused to give me a blow job because my sperm would "add useless calories" to her day. FML
Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "You can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML
Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for cumming inside her because she did not want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend of six months that giving another guy a blow job IS cheating. FML
Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML
Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
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Top comments
takeittoem 8
And this is why it's important to pay attention in high school...
erptwerp 26
It will all just blow over in the end, I'm sure.
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Comments (96)
BoaNikolaos 14
They say that the hottest trend for learning now is a hands on approach
mmoses12 11
poor girl:(
int15 18
It's safe if you swallow a condom first.
sirrubberduckie 37
But *only* if the condom is coated in spermicide! Otherwise it's not as safe!
swaggygiraffes 7
I really thought people like this didn't exist anymore.
shyemogirl 6
I would have stopped talking and let her think that ? serves her right
KiddUnknown 9
What a dumbass
Fairyjoshy 13
I'm guessing that one of her parents told her that when giving her the "talk" because they didn't want their precious babby to have sex with anyone before marriage.
Sandman2015 12
Oh dear. That's just painful.
mandyn333 10
Throw an anatomy text book at her & tell her to read it. Lol.
AScooterman 12
Tell her I know somebody that's fixed and willing to be a practice model