Love: Today, and since forever, my boyfriend talks in his sleep. Last... - FML

By Femme - 16/02/2012 16:41 - Russia

Today, and since forever, my boyfriend talks in his sleep. Last night, he told me, “I like you very much, young man.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 55

Taking stock

Age difference

Scarcity

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend's crazy ex-girlfriend. Actually, she isn't all that crazy. He really did cheat on her with half a dozen other girls. The same girls he's apparently cheating on me with. How do I know for sure? Thank you crazy ex for his email passwords. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 769

You deserved it 5 176

By Rakayla - 29/06/2019 12:03 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after finally asking my crush for his number, and telling him the reason being he's the only friend whose number I don't have, he laughed, then asked, "Why would I ever be your friend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 209

You deserved it 217

By Anonymous - 25/05/2015 16:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after a broken smoke detector in my home caused the fire department to come, I got an angry visit from my neighbor who was upset because she had parked in front of a fire hydrant and got a ticket. She demands that I pay it, "or else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 645

You deserved it 2 437

By Anonymous - 15/09/2011 23:54 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 877

You deserved it 26 511

Road rage

By Xtine - 23/06/2009 04:44 - United States

Today, while on the road, I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up, and pissing off, several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 570

You deserved it 46 235

By "skinnydick" - 19/02/2017 22:00 - United States - Clifton Park

Spicy

Today, while riding the bus, I saw my ex-girlfriend get on. Despite several seats being open, she specifically sat next to me. I was at first happy, thinking she might want to make up. Nope, she instead blocked me in with her bag and spent the entire time showing me pictures of her new lover's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 524

You deserved it 1 037

By oncehipjr - 03/10/2014 19:04 - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 279

You deserved it 4 509

By Z - 26/11/2012 10:26 - Australia

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 751

You deserved it 24 937

By Anonymous - 29/07/2010 18:24 - Canada

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 933

You deserved it 6 894

By Lana - 20/07/2010 12:43 - Austria

Today, while sitting at my desk at work, a co-worker asked for my help. It was only after I had walked over to his desk, bent over, answered his question, and walked back to my stall, that I felt a breeze. My tube top had slid down across my breasts, revealing my bra to the entire office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 838

You deserved it 43 500

By Anonymous - 08/12/2013 16:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 667

You deserved it 4 108

By number2 - 18/10/2011 01:14 - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 359

You deserved it 3 995

By defectivesuperhero - 26/10/2018 13:30

Today, I couldn't get my car hood to open to check the fluids. A few miles down the highway, though, it popped right open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 298

You deserved it 316

Public freakout

By Anonymous - 28/09/2021 23:00

Today, we live in a world where 10 people on a bus will ignore a man slapping his wife so hard, she falls out of her seat, yet when that same man has a coughing fit, the same 10 people all get mad at him for not wearing a mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 83

By Anonymous - 19/10/2014 20:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 408

You deserved it 5 762

By some_girl_19 - 05/08/2009 13:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was in the middle of an intense orgasm when we heard the panicky voice of his little sister saying there was an emergency downstairs. He jumped up and left to see what the matter was. The big emergency? The Wii remotes had dead batteries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 991

You deserved it 9 404

By Anonymous - 11/05/2013 05:15 - United States

Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 227

You deserved it 7 410

By alyssac11 - 25/05/2010 04:55 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 554

You deserved it 4 252

By dumping time - 25/11/2012 22:38 - United Kingdom - Aylesford

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 051

You deserved it 30 732

By ClumsyKatey - 02/07/2017 22:00

Today, due to an incident with the dishwasher, a coatrack and my bathrobe, I ended up locked out of my house naked as a jaybird. I had to hide in the backyard for several hours until my family got home from their various activities to get back in. They still haven't stopped laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 056

You deserved it 1 065

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 06:29 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 571

You deserved it 3 897

By ThankfullyNotKickedOut - 26/08/2016 18:17 - United States - Coldwater

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 358

You deserved it 3 990

By Anonymous - 01/06/2011 00:50 - Brazil

Today, my boyfriend refused to take me out on our three year anniversary because he was busy, "training to become a professional gamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 724

You deserved it 8 629

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 05:19 - United States

Today, I tried to go to my Hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer. When I typed in "hot", a big history list came down. It was all "Hot single mom looking for a good lay" Craigslist ads. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 539

You deserved it 4 114

By ihasnoafroanymore - 10/06/2019 12:05

Today, I was working at my job at a McDonald's. I was on my break, so I went to use the restroom. When I finished, I tried to open the door, but the lock broke. I was stuck in the basement bathroom for 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 142

By peepeepants - 18/08/2009 12:35 - Canada

Today, I went to get a pedicure for the first time. My feet are VERY ticklish. I reflexively kicked the poor lady in the face, as I wet my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 515

You deserved it 17 362

By Anonymous - 19/10/2014 21:03 - United Kingdom - Castleford

Today, is the start of the third month that I prayed I would be fired, just so I didn't have to quit because I hate awkward conversations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 826

You deserved it 8 582

Bad timing

By Frankie - 05/05/2021 00:01

Today, the company where I used to work at announced that there would be a staff reduction because of the low income caused by the pandemic. I just quit yesterday in favor of another job. All of my former workmates are getting paid their respective settlements because of this termination, while I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 718

By Jumja - 15/01/2010 11:37 - Netherlands

Today, I found out my boyfriends' mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 139

You deserved it 5 692

By kevdev - 09/09/2010 19:58 - United States

Today, I received an email from an ex who I haven't heard from in two years. Excited that it might be her asking if we could meet up, I opened it. It was a virus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 701

You deserved it 9 319

By whyyjustwhy - 09/08/2013 17:23 - Estonia - Tallinn

Spicy

Today, I copied some files to my phone while borrowing my grandfather's laptop. As I selectively deleted the files from the recycle bin, I noticed some pictures, and ended up seeing way more than I wanted to of his erect penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 917

You deserved it 9 865

Explain yourself

By Embarassed - 13/08/2021 18:01

Today, I received pictures on my phone of my husband leaving a hotel with a young lady. Upon confronting him about it, he told me it was his “twin brother.” When I brought up that he was an only child, he said, "Stop believing shit people tell you unless it’s coming from me" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 87

By aasatt22 - 08/06/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend an iPhone. I preloaded it with a bunch of cool apps and stuff and spent a lot and money. She used it to send a text to me 3 hours later saying that she thought we should break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 781

You deserved it 8 664

By MaggotMother - 20/04/2013 10:51 - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 418

You deserved it 7 577

By deadinavan - 13/10/2010 12:57 - Germany

Today, I found out the man I'm getting a ride from drives a windowless van and is "excited to see me". My friends had encouraged me to sign up for the cheap-ride program because it was less expensive than taking a train. If I never come back, look for a windowless van somewhere in Europe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 149

You deserved it 5 147

By Single - 07/08/2010 11:01 - France

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to make the most of his 1 month X-Box Live coupon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 271

You deserved it 6 997

By bleu_noir - 14/02/2011 21:34 - United States

Today, someone at work put their used, bloodied tampon applicator back in its wrapper, and into the free tampon bin for some sucker to grab. That sucker was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 526

You deserved it 4 460

Inappropriate

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 19:39 - Ireland - Mountmellick

Spicy

Today, I overheard my uncle talking about me to his friends. Nothing serious, just that he'd fuck me senseless if we weren't related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 447

You deserved it 3 235

Pretend it's snowing

By babypenguin00 - 29/08/2015 19:20 - United States - Newark

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 236

You deserved it 1 950

By Coolkid. - 14/06/2009 17:53 - United States

Today, I was accidentally tagged in a photo of a group of people by a 'friend' on Facebook. She later corrected it, apparently everyone had already seen the tag and decided that the comment box below was a great opportunity to discuss how none of them would ever be caught dead hanging out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 585

You deserved it 3 902

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

SixthSinEnvy 39

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 10:03

"I like you very much too, Ma'am." Keep the conversation going! That's half the fun of having friends/loves who talk in their sleep. My friend is a server and sometimes she takes your order in her sleep. I'm still waiting on my baked potato with extra sour cream, though.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 9:59

You'll find out what that really means, by and bi.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 9:59

You'll find out what that really means, by and bi.

SixthSinEnvy 39

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 10:03

"I like you very much too, Ma'am." Keep the conversation going! That's half the fun of having friends/loves who talk in their sleep. My friend is a server and sometimes she takes your order in her sleep. I'm still waiting on my baked potato with extra sour cream, though.

Dave_Davington 33

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 11:39

This FML is from Russia, so chances are this guy wasn't talking in his sleep in English.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 11:58

.... If he wasn't speaking in English, OP still obviously knows enough of his first/other language to determine what he was saying, and could probably get together some kind of reply.

Dave_Davington 33

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 12:06

Actually, I thought #2 was implying he could've said "ma'am" instead of "man". Looking at it again, though, it would seem I've had a brainfart.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 12:14

That makes more sense. It was a bit confusing without the brain fart context.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 17:30

My grandma cooks in her sleep, she'll move her arms around while doing a stirring motion lol

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 10:06

Just wait until he wakes up and the young man morphs into you. The look on his face will be great!

mariri9206 32

Thursday 6 October 2016 10:40

Maybe he was dreaming about staying at the YMCA? lol

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 10:58

Haha my other half talks in her sleep. It cracks me up I love having sleep conversations with her and see where they go.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 13:06

Youre boyfriend is dreaming? Ive been told Ive talked in my sleep too, I think I do it when Im stressed. He has no control over it, dont take it personally

cuz803 43

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 14:16

Does he have younger brothers?

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 14:58

Sleep talking gets you in hot water- I confessed to knocking his street glide over - The nighttime interrogation never ends.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 18:03

Dude you knock over someone else's street glide, you deserve to be knocked over.

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 18:27

In my defense, I bought him the bike....our bike

Vanilla_Cupcake 10

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 14:59

That is a really vague sentence and probably completely innocent. He could just be talking to a guy who saved his life or something. It is a dream, after all.

needagoodlaugh 34

Send a private message

Thursday 6 October 2016 15:55

He could have been speaking both parts of the conversation and been saying what he would like the other person to say, maybe his boss or at a job interview or your father. It's so hard to tell when people speak in their sleep, sometimes it just doesn't make any sense.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 12

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 2 368

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 195