Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having painful surgery, so I decided to make him a nice big breakfast. As I was taking it up to him, I heard a message on the phone. It was from one of his nurses. She was accepting his offer of a date. FML
Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML
Today, I received a random phone call from an unknown number. Three times. After the third time, the person started yelling at me viciously. Then I suddenly heard a different voice, saying, "Terribly sorry, sir. My poor sister has dementia and thinks you're her husband. Her dead husband, I might add." FML
Today, my best friend called me and told me she was in the hospital in labor. Excited, I rush to the hospital. Once I arrived, I saw my boyfriend of 4 years in the room. I asked him what he was doing there and my friend says, “You wanna tell her or should I?” Turns out he’s leaving me for her. The baby is his. FML
Today, I came home early from work because I wasn’t feeling well. I overheard a phone conversation that my husband was having in the living room. “Yeah dude, I ain’t attracted to that bitch no more, she got a big back now, but she pays the bills and I got a roof over me, so it’s good, you feel me?” FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML
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Top comments
AbstraktThoughts 13
Tell him that he's about to have another broken arm.
KY_Jelly 10
That really sucks. And she must be a moron to speak while he's on the phone with his wife.
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Comments (141)
Pleonasm 35
Well you can sleep easy knowing you're rid off that duck and that he is now with a dumb bitch.
kait11 16
I'd leave his stuff on the front lawn with a note that says go live with your friend at the hospital. And if he doesn't get the hint with that, turn on the sprinklers.
abu4u 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It sucks when people ruin your lies!!!
j_cat187 19
Derp derp derpetty derp derp.
panda_lou 11
I read that all wrong
techweed 12
If I was gonna cheat, I'd at least have a good excuse ready, unlike your dumbass of a husband.
shorty6823 28
or just don't cheat...
Chucklikesbacon 12
Now, that is what I call suspicious! But, are you 100% shure it's not for some kind of surprise or so? That's what I am hoping for you, even if it sounds very bad. I'm sorry and good luck OP!
lizzy_babyy 9
Break his jaw for lying.
tararochelle 18
For lying? I think it's for cheating. If this girl was just a friend he wouldn't have to lie. Especially when the girl said, "she'll never buy that."
lizzy_babyy 9
His arm for cheating and his jaw for lying.
zero91 4
cut off the tongue for lieing so he will never lie again
zero91 4
cut off the tongue for lieing
Niicky_fml 20
Tell him his bags will be packed when he gets home!
Wizardo 33
Break his balls and then see who will buy that, don't worry OP forget the scum, deserve to be ousted.
Kittycorn 17
And apparently the female voice in the background was right.