Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having painful surgery, so I decided to make him a nice big breakfast. As I was taking it up to him, I heard a message on the phone. It was from one of his nurses. She was accepting his offer of a date. FML
Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML
Today, I received a random phone call from an unknown number. Three times. After the third time, the person started yelling at me viciously. Then I suddenly heard a different voice, saying, "Terribly sorry, sir. My poor sister has dementia and thinks you're her husband. Her dead husband, I might add." FML
Today, my best friend called me and told me she was in the hospital in labor. Excited, I rush to the hospital. Once I arrived, I saw my boyfriend of 4 years in the room. I asked him what he was doing there and my friend says, “You wanna tell her or should I?” Turns out he’s leaving me for her. The baby is his. FML
Today, I came home early from work because I wasn’t feeling well. I overheard a phone conversation that my husband was having in the living room. “Yeah dude, I ain’t attracted to that bitch no more, she got a big back now, but she pays the bills and I got a roof over me, so it’s good, you feel me?” FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AbstraktThoughts 13
Tell him that he's about to have another broken arm.
KY_Jelly 10
That really sucks. And she must be a moron to speak while he's on the phone with his wife.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (141)
Fmlsea 28
what a douche well least he found someone as dumb as him , dont worry op they will both screw one another over . they are both willing to do that, whats stopping them from doing it to each other .hopefully you find someone that you deserve.
Fuzzynavel 10
Well don't keep me in suspense... Did you buy it?
coleelovesMAGIC 8
Maybe it was someone else in the hospital close to him? Everyone is innocent until proven guilty!
KingDead 18
#89.. Judging from the fact OP used the term 'Husband'.. And the scenario that OP has made a post on.. What you've typed is irrelevant ... No one deserves a situation like that to befall upon themselves.. If they have issues, that OP clearly wouldn't just mention, than the husband should confront the situation, deal with it, and move on.. Not cheat.. And wtf have you been smoking.. Shot your ex's dog in the ass 230 times with a blowdart gun?! Lmao, wtf.
Cysioland 8
So, you're going to make, that he isn't your husband?
Orchard 33
what....? I don't even...
maxman13524 13
When he's gone, change all the locks and throw all his stuff on the lawn P.S. don't answer the door to him
Kitten_Calderon 14
Well you know what? Here's when you say: I'm sorry to hear that, perhaps SHE can sign your release papers, because I'm not taking you home. What a jerk you have! Nobody deserves a Cheater but a cheater!
dunebro 15
How can you possibly know that she deserves better?
morganleighbabyy 6
What an Asshole!!!! I'm sure you can get way better anyway Hun!!(: and I'm sure the other girl is ugly.
stevo918 3
She sounds hideous