Today, my husband called me, saying he was in the hospital with a friend who'd just broken his arm. Too bad I then heard a female voice in the background mutter, "She'll never buy that". FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML
Today, I was rushed to the hospital to deliver my child. On the way, I called my husband who was in a bar with his friends. Drunk, he just yelled, "BROS BEFORE HOS!!" and hung up. FML
Today, I received a text message from my wife, who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends, saying, "I have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you in the morning." Umm… His? FML
Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having painful surgery, so I decided to make him a nice big breakfast. As I was taking it up to him, I heard a message on the phone. It was from one of his nurses. She was accepting his offer of a date. FML
Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML
Today, I received a random phone call from an unknown number. Three times. After the third time, the person started yelling at me viciously. Then I suddenly heard a different voice, saying, "Terribly sorry, sir. My poor sister has dementia and thinks you're her husband. Her dead husband, I might add." FML
Today, my best friend called me and told me she was in the hospital in labor. Excited, I rush to the hospital. Once I arrived, I saw my boyfriend of 4 years in the room. I asked him what he was doing there and my friend says, “You wanna tell her or should I?” Turns out he’s leaving me for her. The baby is his. FML
Today, I came home early from work because I wasn’t feeling well. I overheard a phone conversation that my husband was having in the living room. “Yeah dude, I ain’t attracted to that bitch no more, she got a big back now, but she pays the bills and I got a roof over me, so it’s good, you feel me?” FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML
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Top comments
AbstraktThoughts 13
Tell him that he's about to have another broken arm.
KY_Jelly 10
That really sucks. And she must be a moron to speak while he's on the phone with his wife.
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Comments (141)
sig4life 18
Love the username. I would still send him to the hospital with a couple of broken appendages.
Obey_StudBoii 23
Wow what an asshole. I hope you left him.
5sonic 22
Wait, what happened next?!
olpally 32
He'll probably cheat on her too op. cheaters never quit cheating. Asshole!
SystemofaBlink41 27
"It's nothing honey! Jack's vocal chords were broken in the arm accident!"
Danyellstar 14
That sucks! I love your name though :)
limitedition 25
his mistress is clearly trying to screw him over too by talking when he's on the phone with you. You can already tell they are perfect for each other.
Jezzababy 10
What a *******, he's not worth your time, Leave now and never look back
ihearuscreamin 13
Hopefully she wasnt having his baby...
chuckles1 3
Lol give the guy a break
limitedition 25
I'm thinking the break she should give him is an arm or leg