Kids: A few good men? - FML

A few good men?

By notthe1punchinglittlegirls - 01/07/2017 14:00

Today, I was visiting my in-laws and sharing a room with my husband's 17-year-old sister. Later that night she and her brother of 24 years started fist-fighting over an air mattress and I had to pull them off each other. The brother later berated me with, "You can't handle any pressure!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 007

You deserved it 351

Best teeth in the game

Leave us alone

Beggars can be choosers

By daddyslittlegirl250 - 05/05/2009 02:41 - United States

Today, we watched a movie in French class. I went on a French exchange last year, so I wanted to sound all impressive and cultured for my crush who is in the same class. I said that it was my favorite movie and I couldn't wait to watch it with everyone. The movie turned out to be about incest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 044

You deserved it 83 913

By Andy - 19/12/2016 12:38

Today, on my Facebook newsfeed, I noticed a photo of a coworker. In the comment section of the photo he and his wife had written "I love you" to each other. As a joke I commented "get a room". Turns out the woman with the same surname as my coworker wasn't in fact his wife, but his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 860

You deserved it 6 148

By crap - 24/02/2014 04:01 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 888

You deserved it 3 216

By Notthatone - 21/04/2015 23:00 - United States - Madison

Spicy

Today, I came out as bisexual to my 17-year-old sister. She was quiet for a second, then told me she knows for sure I only have "girl parts". I had to explain to her the difference between being bi and being a hermaphrodite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 354

You deserved it 3 999

Shut up! Shut up!

By Steve - 30/04/2021 01:59

Today, I found out the guy taking the cubicle next to mine is the annoying dudebro who punctuates, like, every sentence he says with, like, the word "like" every, like, three words. Like… FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 92

By seriousdubsteplover - 30/10/2009 05:08 - Australia

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 565

You deserved it 2 154

By kise - 28/11/2012 06:20 - France - Paris

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 844

You deserved it 33 559

Lowkey

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 19:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took my daughter to the lake. She told me she had to go to the bathroom and I whispered to her, "Just pee in the lake, it's fine, but go in a little deeper." She went in the lake and then turned to me to yell, "MOM, IS THIS DEEP ENOUGH FOR ME TO PEE?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 265

You deserved it 62 196

A pasting for pasties

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, some bloke pushed me to the floor and kicked me twice in the head so he could steal, no joke, the two Greggs pasties I just bought. He wasn’t homeless either, he had designer jeans and a giant iPhone, and he did it in broad daylight with witnesses. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 54

Seize the day

By John S. - 25/04/2021 16:59

Today, I finally decided to try to get a date with the girl I like at work. While I was looking for her around the office, her supervisor approached me. She's in the hospital due to Covid-19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 106

By arther - 03/06/2019 02:05

Today, I got up at 3:15 a.m. to be ready for work at 5 a.m. I get to my work station to find absolutely no work to do. After talking with my boss, I was sent home with no pay. If I'd been employed there 3 weeks longer, I would've been paid for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 138

By dumbo - 30/07/2009 14:43 - United States

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 810

You deserved it 18 880

By Anonymous - 05/11/2010 21:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I was ambushed by a very angry beaver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 634

You deserved it 5 337

By SummerJob - 06/09/2012 16:51

Today, it's day two of my two-month summer job on a Mediterranean cruise ship. I'm incredibly seasick, and the ship is still docked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 960

You deserved it 4 756

Old Thug Life

By The Bad Guy - 09/03/2020 02:00 - Ireland

Today, an old lady came up to me and asked me to break a fifty for her. I gave her two twenties and a ten. I later used the fifty. It was counterfeit. I was conned by a pensioner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 365

Yeet the guy

By Lorbibo - 14/01/2021 17:00

Today, I was trying to set up a date with my boyfriend of two years, but he said he didn’t want to, and then to interrupted me to talk to his friends on Discord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 720

You deserved it 136

Alexa, play 'Communication Breakdown' by Led Zeppelin

By Anonymous - 08/08/2020 17:02

Spicy

Today, my man complained that I was "not easily approachable", sexually speaking. To clarify, his usual way of signalling his desire is to just lie there, quiet and not moving, and (probably) thinking exciting thoughts. I can't tell if he likes me touching him, unless he signals a lack of interest by falling asleep, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 553

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 20/04/2013 16:34 - Thailand

Today, I can no longer leave my son at daycare, because at the age of 5, he's started manipulating the girls there into fighting over him. A kid lost a baby tooth in one such brawl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 965

You deserved it 7 045

By Anonymous - 31/01/2014 16:36 - United Kingdom

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 839

You deserved it 4 521

Time flies by

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 16:59

Today, long after ten years ago when I answered the door to someone asking if my mummy and daddy were home, and I was 24 and it was my house, I just now got asked if my 30 year-old sister was my daughter. Time has not been kind to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 97

Keep it down

By rattlingfloorboards - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a Karate dojo opened under my apartment. It's like living in a Bruce Lee movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 080

You deserved it 3 331

By SODbeatlesMCRlp - 19/11/2010 16:54 - United States

Today, I came home and found a can of body spray. My parents get me a new scent whenever they go shopping, which is usually at least twice a week. They left a note: "Do you get it yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 730

You deserved it 34 974

By HeSaysImNoBeard - 26/11/2009 16:47 - United States

Today, I went to see the new Twilight movie, for the second time. The first time was at the midnight premiere. I would be "okay" with it if the person who had dragged me to see it both times hadn't been my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 667

You deserved it 7 803

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 615

You deserved it 9 081

The one with the asshole friend

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 06:31 - India

Today, after going through a surgery related to my ovaries, having a life-threatening complication during the surgery due to anesthesia, my doctor warning me about future infertility, a friend tells me that no one will marry me now, since I have stretch marks and stitches marks on my abdomen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 48

By Noname - 07/02/2009 20:42 - United States

Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young. So I said 'yeah I was funny huh?' She replied 'Yep, I had a funny one and a pretty one'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 493

You deserved it 2 628

By Mylifesintatterssendhelp - 12/11/2018 03:00

Today, I went to a tattoo artist to get what I thought would be really cute, elegant finger tattoos. I left with wobbly, blobby messes all over my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 2 652

By :( - 19/03/2013 20:12 - United States - Hilton Head Island

Today, we started our 17 hour drive to Michigan for spring break. My mom decided to go to Target to buy some music CDs. All she bought was three Nicki Minaj CDs. She has already replayed the first CD four times. 14 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 831

You deserved it 4 023

By sounfair90 - 27/05/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 653

You deserved it 21 363

By Anonymous - 12/10/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 154

You deserved it 4 854

By ouharguohargssdf - 28/09/2013 21:01 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 328

You deserved it 2 882

By Anonymous - 21/05/2019 14:11

Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 175

By Maxie-Nathanial - 23/05/2010 09:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he played with and named my boobs. Complete with a full skit where "Maxie" killed "Nathanial." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 753

You deserved it 8 210

By uglyone - 13/01/2010 14:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was going out with my supermodel-gorgeous friend, so I put extra effort into looking good. I thought I looked pretty good, but when we got to the station, a drunk old man looked at us and loudly announced "That's always the way it is, there's a fit one and an ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 906

You deserved it 3 413

By like - 14/03/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 618

You deserved it 199 910

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 765

You deserved it 3 881

By Anonymous - 22/08/2013 04:48 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 929

You deserved it 3 766

Hey, well, happy birthday anyway

By elmoisdead2131 - 09/02/2021 14:01

Today, my parents took me out to dinner. I thought they were taking me because it's my birthday. Turns out they are getting divorced. They forgot it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 69

By rissalynn - 15/07/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend's mother called me lazy. Her days consist of sitting on her couch watching Fox News. I'm a college athlete who also has a part-time job, yet I'm the lazy one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 135

By erin - 04/02/2010 14:51 - France

Spicy

Today, I met a guy online, and I realized the cyber sex I had with him was better than the sex I get from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 266

You deserved it 33 608

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Saturday 1 July 2017 14:43

why didn't you share a room with someone else? someone like, oh I don't know, your husband?

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Saturday 1 July 2017 14:44

haven't you ever heard of fighting siblings? it's quite extreme to assume a long time abuse.

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Friday 30 June 2017 5:42

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Saturday 1 July 2017 14:44

haven't you ever heard of fighting siblings? it's quite extreme to assume a long time abuse.

somedudesomewher 29

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Saturday 1 July 2017 14:57

This idiot doesn't understand how people work.

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Saturday 1 July 2017 20:22

That's just how siblings work. I'm a 17 year old girl and my brother is 21 and if it comes down to it neither one of us are scared of roughing the other one up. That's just how we were when we were younger so it sometimes shows now. Lots of siblings still fight like they're children, it's not a big deal and no parents are going to think that either child is abusing the other because of a little sibling rivalry, let alone accuse the adult sibling for assault.

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Sunday 2 July 2017 5:16

No I don't know how "healthy" sibling rivalry- which I think is bullshit anyway- works, because when my older brother and I fought it led to broken bones, concussions, and PTSD for me and stab wounds on his arms for him. Sibling rivalry CAN become abuse, and a lot of people sit on their ass and ignore it because "oh, they're siblings, one trying to do major bodily harm to the other is NORMAL!" I'd rather point of the possibility than be the same type of person that led to me having cracked ribs three times.

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Saturday 1 July 2017 14:43

why didn't you share a room with someone else? someone like, oh I don't know, your husband?

raven_of_azarath 34

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Saturday 1 July 2017 15:11

Maybe her husband didn't go with her, or her in laws have this crazy rule that, even though their married, they can't sleep in the same room?

core01 30

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Sunday 2 July 2017 6:11

I assumed that if there were only 3 bedrooms, and 2 opposite sex sibling living there, that it meant girls would bunk together. Otherwise brother and sister would have to share a room so hubby and wife could have a room.

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 1 July 2017 14:43

Was the air mattress under-inflated? And if she's 17, how can she have a brother for 24 years?

raven_of_azarath 34

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Saturday 1 July 2017 15:11

24 year old brother. That's what makes "of" different that "for".

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 1 July 2017 15:23

You see people writing things like "my boyfriend of 7 years," and it doesn't mean he's a 7-year-old.

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Saturday 1 July 2017 18:58

Is this 24-year-old brother of your sister-in-law your husband? Or is there a third sibling involved?

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Saturday 1 July 2017 20:23

You let that one little comment get under your skin? YDI.

ProperPengTing 15

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Sunday 2 July 2017 9:43

Slap him with the mattress

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Sunday 2 July 2017 11:22

Next time you go visit spring for a hotel near by.

chickensheep 15

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Monday 3 July 2017 7:21

He can she have a brother of 24 years if she is only 17 years old?

ArbiterOfFML 24

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Thursday 6 July 2017 2:30

this is a copied comment. That is like asking how can I have a 62 year old grandmother.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

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Tuesday 4 July 2017 18:13

Why were you not sleeping in the same bed as your husband? And why was it your job to stop the sibling rivalry?

ArbiterOfFML 24

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Thursday 6 July 2017 2:26

If it was fun, then cute, but wrong place. If serious or aggravated, notifying the parents or police are the correct steps.

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 85

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 87