Relationships, Gross, Farts and Miscellaneous: Crack wars

Crack wars

By Grimmy - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Brunswick

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 143

You deserved it 10 151

Christmas: Snowy Joys and Blunders
Enjoy Christmas stories where unexpected gifts and family reunions create lasting memories... and fun! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

Hot air

By SuperSleuth - 07/10/2021 11:01 - United States - Miami

Today, right before my hubby got home and walked into the bedroom, I farted. The smell was so bad that he thought he'd stepped in shit and to looked at the bottom of his shoes for dog poop. I laughed so hard, but with a horrified look he asked, "How"? He says I've got to see a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 351

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 928

You deserved it 6 528

By Susan - 28/02/2012 11:55 - Canada

Today, I farted in front of my husband. It somehow turned into a farting war. Then I realized this is the closest we've come to intimacy in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 958

You deserved it 6 841

By Anonymous - 10/06/2013 01:52 - United States

Today, my husband farted, grabbed a fan and blew the smell right at me. Disgusted, I reminded him that I’m a lady, not a dude. He burst out laughing and sang, "Dude looks like a lady." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 697

You deserved it 7 925

By GasAttack - 07/09/2009 13:32 - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 474

You deserved it 8 534

Clenched

By Lovergirl - 01/01/2010 20:23 - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 799

You deserved it 3 945

Daddy's in the shit again

By habbsrule - 15/06/2012 14:21 - Canada

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 508

You deserved it 30 129

Gas wars

By Ali - 04/10/2020 23:02

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 385

By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 315

You deserved it 5 073

By Anonymous - 01/03/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 732

You deserved it 10 935

SoulEaterSE 23

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:46

#fingersinthebootyassbitch

dudeutookhrs 24

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:47

So who learned the lesson here?

Comments

ananicosia 28

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:44

At least he gets the message, no more fingers in butts for anyone

zeffra13 31

Thursday 17 March 2016 21:19

I doubt he got the message. I bet he's more like my ex & thinks he's the only one who can get away with things.

Ms_ValS 27

Friday 18 March 2016 5:28

I'd just shut the gates till he gets it OP.

kitkatjoy_96 28

Friday 18 March 2016 6:23

Except for Kanye ≧∇≦

kitkatmiaow 21

Friday 1 April 2016 0:12

Issues???

CFB_FRS 27

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:44

You deserved that..

YouDeservedIt69 8

Saturday 19 March 2016 4:05

Yeah

pinkiepink 15

Sunday 20 March 2016 5:36

excuse me? OP clearly made it obvious that she didn't want to be touched that way. OP didn't deserve anything. ?

Cadillac_kid_15 27

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:45

Eww

SoulEaterSE 23

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:46

#fingersinthebootyassbitch

Liamj774 36

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:46

Well maybe you need to fartify your ass crack

PePziNL 20

Friday 18 March 2016 1:56

I gave you a thumbsup only for the word fartify.

sallycinnamon 21

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:46

Holy shit

The_ghetto_mango 25

Monday 21 March 2016 21:55

Is that supposed to be a pun? If it was, it was terrible.

SwagGod420 2

Sunday 11 September 2016 2:46

unless he was jesus holy half that comment is correct

dudeutookhrs 24

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:47

So who learned the lesson here?

Bigdog107 11

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:47

is your husband's name kanye by any chance?

Apparentlyacunt 18

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:48

If he still hasn't got the message at least you know a different tact to try in the future.

kayh666 14

Thursday 17 March 2016 19:52

glad it's not just my household that does this ??

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family DIY Cats Work Poopoo peepee Awkward Management Frustration Capitalism Am I overreacting? Relatable Coworkers Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Love Mental health Health Anxiety Technology Sleep Noise Roommate Clumsy AITA Confused Parents

The Top

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 330

You deserved it 4 254

Today, I went to visit my fiancé's dying grandmother in the hospital with him. She started talking to us about living each day to the fullest. His grandmother points to me and says, "Life is short. That's why you don't waste any time screwing girls who look like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 779

You deserved it 4 168

The Top

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 687

You deserved it 2 657

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 287

You deserved it 7 101

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a little "fun" in our secluded backyard. It was only after we had finished that we noticed the three little girls, who live next door, jumping up and down on their trampoline, with their mouths wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 232

You deserved it 26 981

Today, my mom told me my aunt was coming over. I told her I might have to work, and would be sad to miss her. My mom said, "Or, you know, if you're not there, it might be nice." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 258

Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested in, and asked him how he feels about it. He responded via text, saying, "I feel fairly neutral about that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 794

You deserved it 4 210

Today, I'm so afraid of Covid, I lied to my friends to avoid hanging out with them every time I was invited. Yes, I've been vaccinated already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 1 342

Crack wars

Same thing different taste

Hot air

The language of love

Clenched

Daddy's in the shit again

Gas wars

Top comments

Comments