Run for the hills

By Stuck - 25/02/2023 23:30 - Canada - Old Perlican

Today, I've been engaged for 2+ years to a man who asks every day who i've spoken to and accuses me of cheating when I talk to people outside of my family. When he's home, I have to watch him talk on the phone to every person who calls. This is considered our time together. Then he wants sex. I know I'm stupid for staying. FML
I agree, your life sucks 470
You deserved it 1 707

Same thing different taste

Top comments

OK, now that we established that you’re stupid for staying, what are you going to do about it?


OK, now that we established that you’re stupid for staying, what are you going to do about it?

Therapy would be a good start. Help yourself become the person you want to be.

OK, so, clearly you need to leave because isolating you will have been the first step that this abusive man would have taken. Typically they use insidious methods of isolating you from your friends and family. These may include bad mouthing them to you or vice versa, creating fights between you and them, etc. They would also typically have created a situation that makes it difficult for you to leave. This would include making you quit your job so that you are financially dependent on you or forcing you to take a low paying job so that you can't afford to live on your own. No method is too callous for people like this. They would also have used phycological techniques to make you lose faith in your own judgement, as this post shows. Your judgement is fine, you just need to learn to trust it again. So, first off, you need to reestablish contact with friends and family. Then hatch a plan to leave him because he will make it difficult for you. People like this learn how to find your buttons and how to push them. They may threaten suicide, threaten to break your stuff, remind you of all the 'good times', be on best behavior and make you feel like a princess again for about a week. Whatever it takes to make you stay, they will do. So, you will need some 'escape buddies'. Do not try to do this by yourself, he knows this game better than you do. There is no weakness in seeking help, once you have escaped this you can become strong again. Good luck!

ODBeefalo 10

And no shame in couch hopping during the recover and rebuild phase. people always overlook how little friends and family will actually mind them sleeping on a couch or in a spare room during bad times. Help is NOT the same as a handout, help means you have a plan and willingness even if it is busted for now.

Honey, you deserve better than this. This isn’t going to get better when you get married; it’s likely to get worse instead. Run, right the eff now.

49_Donuts 12

Psychological abuse is the first step. Please leave before the physical abuse starts.

I'm always perplexed at the amount of longterm relationships with major issues. Like are these guys all just so hot/wealthy that it's worth the crazy?

Recognising the situation is the first little step. You can either stay and waste x years, tears and hurt before he finds a new play thing and tosses you out or you can dig your big girl pants out of the back of the draw and take the next step. As long as you don't stop taking the little steps, you'll get yourself out. There's good advice in the comments, local support groups and phone numbers to call for help, including your friends and family. Get out before he cuts you off from them as well. Life's 100% better once you are out of this arseholery. It only gets worse once there's no one left to play 'nice' in front of...