screw my grades then right?! · 2 March 2022, 16:00

That stupid saying should die

Today, I was doing homework in the living room when my mom came in and started blasting music and cleaning. When I asked if she could turn it off so I could study, she bitched at me about "My house, my rules." She also has a rule that we can’t do homework in our rooms because of too many distractions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259 You deserved it 129

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Anonymous · 1 March 2022, 14:00 🌶️ Spicy

First impressions

Today, my dad has such a low opinion of me, he refused to believe I have a girlfriend and instead chose to believe she's a prostitute I hired to try and impress him. My girlfriend was so insulted she dumped me, all while my dad was applauding her for her impressive role play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 746 You deserved it 122

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Anonymous · 26 February 2022, 00:01

Best day of your life

Today, I don’t usually ask much from my dad because I know how incapable he is but after two years delaying my wedding due to Covid restrictions, I thought I could at least ask him to stay sober long enough to walk me down the aisle. More fool me I suppose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995 You deserved it 141

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chacha_bby · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Won't get fooled again

Today, I had a party at my house. When my parents came home, my dad asked how the party was. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, to which he responded, "Well, the puke all over the driveway begs to differ." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 769 You deserved it 52 870

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MomIsJelly · 23 February 2022, 04:00 ·Staten Island, United States

Sir Mix-a-Lot's mom

Today, I noticed that my mom had been hiding all my leggings and yoga pants from me. Upon asking her, she admitted that she was jealous that my butt is bigger than hers, and that when I wear those types of pants, it's like I'm "rubbing it in". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264 You deserved it 160

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Anonymous · 19 February 2022, 00:01

Hogwatch

Today, I had to slowly and very seriously explain to my mother why there is no 'White History Month'. I can't believe we are actually related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878 You deserved it 329

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CoffeeCakeCaramel · 18 February 2022, 10:00 ·Santa Barbara, United States

Plants are our friend

Today, my mother bought earrings with marijuana leaves on them to show her love of nature. She won’t believe me when I tell her that it’s a weed leaf, and wants to wear them to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923 You deserved it 89

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Anonymous · 18 February 2022, 04:00

Playing favorites

Today, I heard my daughter-in-law refer to her twin daughters, my precious twin grandbabies, as “the good one” and “the shit stain”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002 You deserved it 194

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Halle · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Ruined

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head, destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 523 You deserved it 6 862

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Anonymous · 16 February 2022, 06:00 🌶️ Spicy

Make it stop

Today, my siblings and I were going through our old home movies after our mom recently passed away. We accidentally found a VHS sex tape of our mom and dad in their 20's. We are now collectively psychologically scarred, and can never unsee what we have seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 690 You deserved it 386

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Anonymous · 15 February 2022, 18:00 ·Verona, United States

I just love to rant

Today, my mother went on another rant about the Smart TV not working. Instead of turning it off and on like she's been told to do before, she'll sit and complain about it. Even fixing it for her doesn't stop her complaining for another half-hour about technology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903 You deserved it 113

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Anonymous · 15 February 2022, 04:00

Homophobia is wack

Today, my mother refuses to believe I’m gay because I’m too handsome. Apparently only really ugly men can be gay, because they’re too ugly to get women, and choose to date other ugly guys instead. I can’t believe I came out of that bigoted, racist, scumbucket's womb. The thought makes me sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189 You deserved it 452

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Anonymous · 13 February 2022, 17:59 ·Marquette, United States

So exotic

Today, my mother met a new member of my band. He's a piano player from Mexico City. She introduced herself as my mother, then asked him if he spoke Spanish or Mexican. This lead to a long talk about how they speak Spanish in Mexico too. She didn’t believe him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046 You deserved it 119

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Anonymous · 11 February 2022, 16:00

Big Brother

Today, and lately, my dad has an annoying habit of knowing where I’ve been, even though I never go anywhere worth mentioning. On a hunch, I checked my phone and it turns out he’s been tracking my location. I’ve literally done nothing to deserve this lack of trust, and now I think I hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215 You deserved it 219

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Neo · 10 February 2022, 16:00

Mom of the year

Today, I told my mom that I'd vomited blood. She simply said, “Good” and went back to watching TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108 You deserved it 118

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Anonymous · 9 February 2022, 10:01

Young love

Today, I thought my husband was going to explode the vein in his forehead when our daughter's new boyfriend turned up with a Mike Tyson face tattoo, a weed cigarette in his mouth, and instead of “Hello” all he said was, “What up, grandpa dude. Is Sarah ready?” Our daughter's name is Sandra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 360 You deserved it 150

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Anonymous · 9 February 2022, 06:00 ·Battle Creek, United States

Hard times

Today, after 3 days of insomnia, I was able to finally fall asleep, just for there to be a fire in the apartment building about 15 minutes later. My mom called me selfish for waking her up in the middle of the night to ask if I could stay with her, and told me I better not rent a hotel room with the money I owe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074 You deserved it 122

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Anonymous · 9 February 2022, 00:01

They **** you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do…

Today, I’m getting a very interesting demonstration of how genetics work: I have inherited all my dad’s health issues, plus those from my mom, plus a bunch of new ones that belong exclusively to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007 You deserved it 105

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Anonymous · 8 February 2022, 00:01 ·Ottawa, Canada

Absentee parents

Today, I have to start completely over on my degree and life, because I was so busy raising my sister that I never got to plan my career out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944 You deserved it 160

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let it go already! · 7 February 2022, 18:00

A bit weird, mom

Today, I found out my mom was serious when she said she’d never get over me dumping my ex. While babysitting my 6 month-old daughter, she took her to meet said ex for lunch while I was at work. Problem? He’s not my daughter’s father and I broke up with him when I was 16. My husband is pissed as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378 You deserved it 128

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Congrats

Today, after constant avoidance, I saw the man who slept with my mother and caused my parents to get divorced. I desperately wanted to punch him in the face, but instead I had to smile and shake his hand as he gave me my diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 334 You deserved it 2 558

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Anonymous · 7 February 2022, 06:00

Asshole

Today, after my dad recently had to go sober or face dying within a year, it turns out that without the alcohol, his personality still sucks. He used to be a drunk asshole, but now he’s just an asshole. At least when he was drunk he used to pass out. Now he can be an asshole all night without stopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249 You deserved it 104

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Anonymous · 4 February 2022, 20:01 🌶️ Spicy

Judge Judy

Today, my mother refuses to acknowledge my girlfriend and refuses to accept the baby she is carrying as her real grandchild, all because my girlfriend has tattoos, which apparently makes her a "whore", so the baby could be from any other guy except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 829 You deserved it 186

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Anonymous · 4 February 2022, 04:00 ·Johannesburg, South Africa

Addictions kill

Today, my mom fell and hit her head on our coffee table when walking inside. She tripped on a 1 cm gate rail. She split her head open and there was so much blood. This is the third bad fall in 2 weeks. She still smokes, despite having COPD, and the ER doctor telling her smoking is depriving her brain of oxygen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087 You deserved it 120

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Anonymous · 3 February 2022, 11:59 ·Ottawa, Canada

Grown-ass man

Today, my 61 year-old father snatched a letter from my hands and threw four different fits because he misread it four different times, then yelled at me for "not reading it properly." I had to explain it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865 You deserved it 96

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Anonymous · 1 February 2022, 23:00

Costly mistake

Today, my prank backfired when the airhorn prank I set up for my dad burst and blew a hole in his office window, which also broke his laptop screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201 You deserved it 1 503

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Poor Raymond

Today, I got this huge package at my college dorm from my parents with candy, chips, canned soup and all these goodies. When I called my mom to thank her, she replied, "We got rid of your cat, Annie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 098 You deserved it 2 666

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Anonymous · 31 January 2022, 02:00

Inflation

Today, despite house prices in my area being the highest they've been in ten years, my mother insists that the reason I can't afford one is not due to insane inflation, but because I'm single. She also seems to conveniently forget that she was a large contributing factor to the end of my last relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083 You deserved it 150

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geodemaster · 30 January 2022, 23:00

I'm a grown-ass man!

Today, I texted my dad, “My body hates me.” His response was, “No. You are pushing responsibility off yourself and refusing to do anything about it by saying that.” I was actively making a doctor’s appointment at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655 You deserved it 427

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lily anne · 30 January 2022, 02:00

Dump the dump

Today, my mom screamed my name five times while I was on the toilet. When I was done, I went to her and she said, “Why the FUCK did you not immediately drop what you were doing and rush to help me with the dishes?” Apparently, the fact that I was pooping wasn’t a good enough excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477 You deserved it 145

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