Today, I thought my husband was going to explode the vein in his forehead when our daughter's new boyfriend turned up with a Mike Tyson face tattoo, a weed cigarette in his mouth, and instead of “Hello” all he said was, “What up, grandpa dude. Is Sarah ready?” Our daughter's name is Sandra. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I finally met my daughter's boyfriend. He has a face tattoo. FML
Today, my husband more or less said to our daughter, "I just met an old friend, he has a son you should marry because my old friend is really rich.” It’s been an hour and he’s cowering in his chair because our daughter is still yelling at him, and it serves him right, but now I have a headache from the noise. FML
Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML
Today, my daughter is such a bitch that when her husband texted to say he’d be 30 minutes late after work, she rang him to yell at him. He got so upset, he decided not to come home at all and booked a hotel, which was awkward for everyone waiting to surprise him with a birthday party. FML
Today, my daughter's handsome new boyfriend came to visit our house. When I opened the door, he asked me where Diana's mother was. I assumed he was about to be charming and say that he thought I was her sister. He didn't. He assumed that I was Diana's grandmother. FML
Today, while in line for my prescription, my daughter was interrogating the man behind us. I'm a single mother. She asked the man, "Do you think my mom is pretty? Want to go on a date with her?" When he told her he was married, she replied, "So? You can get a divorce." FML
Today, our pregnancy announcement was ruined by my dad who thought it would be funny to grab my boyfriend while yelling, "You got my daughter pregnant, boy! I’m going to kill you!" It wasn’t funny, there was just an awkward silence, and now this precious moment is something I’d rather forget. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML
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Top comments
Plop 17
"I'm sorry but it seems you were given the wrong address, there's no one named Sarah here. Have a nice day."
RichardPencil 32
"No weed in the house -- unless you bring enough for everyone." If he brings good shit, your daughter is now Sarah.
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Comments (7)
Plop 17
"I'm sorry but it seems you were given the wrong address, there's no one named Sarah here. Have a nice day."
RichardPencil 32
"No weed in the house -- unless you bring enough for everyone." If he brings good shit, your daughter is now Sarah.
Chazzster 32
Unless you fear for their physical safety, do not get over-involved in your teen or adult child’s love life. Young adults and teens feel compelled to create their own life distinct from their family. Sometimes that leads to pointless rebellion. If your son or daughter is dating someone you really like, it may not last or your child may even decide they don’t like them just because you liked that person. And if son or daughter is dating someone who you don’t like, they could be drawn closer to that person just to prove they are in charge of their own life. Ideally by the time the dating is taking place you will have had the opportunity to teach your son or daughter good values and they will usually ultimately see the best choice for themselves. When your son or daughter is a young adult or teenager you need to use the opportunities that come up to reinforce and describe their goals and values. But it needs to be when they bring such questions or issues up unless it’s an emergency.
Grumpy Jack 27
Just because he called your daughter a wrong name, supposedly because he's a dumbass, kicking his ass out if the house sounds like the best solution.
idragosani 17
Could be worse... it might have been a Donald Trump tattoo
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Your husband's reaction seems appropriate.