Growing old

Stewart Lee has let himself go

By Emmmsie - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my new passport arrived, along with my expired one and its 20-year-old picture. I was comparing the photos when my husband came to look. He laughed and said, "Time is cruel." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 682

You deserved it 592

Sensitive subject

By Anonymous - 28/07/2023 07:00 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I'm 55 and I've been with my 61 year-old hubs for 32 years. He has next to no sex drive. When I asked him to tell me what is attractive about me, he said I'm nice, witty, easy to talk to. I asked what physically is attractive about me. He said, "You're not gross and you're not obese." He then got mad at me when I started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 432

Lonely days

By beckbr - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I asked a little old lady in line at my work why she wasn't out enjoying the beautiful day with all her friends. Her response, "I'd love to, but they're all dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 404

You deserved it 29 991

Time

By Anonymous - 08/09/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I used to look so young for my age that in high school, I was regularly mistaken for a freshman. I never succeeded in getting dates because of it. Today, I'm 25 years-old and regularly get confused for being in my thirties. I guess all the stress from work, loneliness, and rejection really caught up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 108

I'll take it

By Not That Old - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to El Pollo Loco for the $10.00 special. I ordered from the pimple-faced kid at the register, pulled out two fives, and he said, "That'll be 9.70, I gave you the senior discount." I'm 10 years away from that. Thank you? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 475

You deserved it 6 902

Old memories

By Will T - 01/09/2021 01:01

Today, I pulled a groin muscle. While cleaning the cat litter box. The last time this happened, I was playing high school football. 40 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 123

Hip To Be Square

By 34goingon80 - 11/11/2022 10:00 - Canada - London

Today, I’m going to the pre-op appointment for my second hip replacement before the age of 35. My first was at 23. The doctors have no idea why I have the arthritic hips of an 80 year-old. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 89

It's all downhill from here

By Brenna - 17/11/2021 10:59

Today, I woke up realizing my 40th birthday is on Sunday and I’ll only have about 40 more years to live after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 272

Getting on

By Kelly - 05/07/2022 22:00

Today, I learned the hard way that age is not just a number when I completely threw out my back while sitting on the ground, gently tossing a ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 118

Growing old gracefully

By OldBitch - 16/08/2020 02:01

Today, I realized my breasts look like sweat socks and my ass is sagging so much, it slaps the back of my legs. My neck has grown three chins, and I have put on 40 lbs. Yes, the golden years are here at last, and they can certainly kiss my ass. Happy 50th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 533

Getting on

By S. Michaels - 14/03/2012 15:17 - United States

Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 458

You deserved it 3 693

Growing old sucks

By Anonymous - 03/02/2023 14:00

Today, after finally coming to terms with using insulin for my diabetes, and facing another eye surgery to correct my vision so I can do my job, I found out I have to have a melanoma removed from my foot. I'm 54. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 125

Nearly Halloween

By boo - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Gainesville

Today, I'm old enough to be looking at houses to buy, but not old enough to get past the idea that they might be affordable because they're haunted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 832

You deserved it 6 412

Picky

By Anonymous - 09/07/2022 22:00

Today, the girl I would have risked my life to shag in highschool got in touch and was clearly fishing for a date, but in the past ten years, she’s been in prison for arson, become 10 stone overweight, a chainsmoker with a visible moustache, and 6 kids with 4 men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 246

It's the thought that counts

By Not a day over 35 - 18/06/2013 13:06 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 709

You deserved it 5 837

Getting on

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 05:59

Today, after much measuring with a tape measure, comparing with my sisters and even asking my husband for his opinion, I'm forced to admit that without a bra on, my boobs now sag so much my nipples hang down to the level of my belly button. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 134

The long goodbye

By Anonymous - 07/08/2023 16:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, I went to visit my grandmother for what will most likely be the final time. It has been 6 days since she has been allowed to eat or drink, and the doctors are sedating her. I walked in and gave her a hug. Her response? "I don't know who you are." Thank you late stage dementia for that final memory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 972

You deserved it 150

Growing

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 06:00

Today, I told my parents that I was planning a garden for my house. My child of a mother got upset and jealous, because, "When you were younger, you hated working outside with us." Sorry for maturing and developing new interests in the past 30 years, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 106

Edmund Hillary

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, my sciatica is so bad that my feet feel like they have frostbite, I don't know what to do. Getting older sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 90

Livin' la vida loca!

By Mike - 07/08/2022 18:00

Today, I realized my life is very similar to my dad’s, except I’m only 55 and he’s almost 80. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 234

Kevin Shields is here

By Ring-a-Ding-Ding - 19/12/2022 12:00

Today, I woke up to find out that my tinnitus has suddenly worsened. I used to be able to just ignore it, but now it's ridiculous. Almost everyone says I'm "too young" to have it, especially this bad. I say those people can go fuck themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 123

It's not an age thing, it's an ice thing

By Old - 04/02/2023 03:00 - United States

Today, I took a pretty nasty fall on the ice and made noises similar to the ones my dad makes when he's in pain. I am officially becoming old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 158

Getting on

By Lexxxiii - 17/06/2021 06:01

Today, I realized that every time I play video games, my wrist and elbows always end up hurting so badly from holding my controller/handheld games. I always have to apply bengay and wear braces. Arthritis is creeping up on me harshly, and I’m still young so this sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 448

Happy together

By Anonymous - 05/07/2023 02:00

Today, I finally reached the age where me just being alive annoys my wife. She asked me during a movie if I “have to breathe like that because it’s so damn annoying.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 179

Figure it out

By brosef - 17/02/2024 11:00 - United States

Today, I'm a guy who's always been physically a late bloomer. In high school, I looked too young for girls to like me. At 22, I still looked 17. Now at 25, I look good but when girls find out my age, they expect me to have everything figured out by now. I never got to be young. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 224

It's called getting old

By Anonymous - 06/05/2022 00:01

Today, and since the pandemic started, I have gained back 80 of the 150lbs I painstakingly lost via diet and exercise in the 5 years leading up to the pandemic. Despite trying multiple methods that worked before and some new ones, I cannot seem to stop the weight from piling on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 044

You deserved it 212

Many such cases

By Homunculus1 - 21/10/2022 14:00

Today, my wife admitted she loves me as a father to our children, but is no longer attracted to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 107

Doggy dog world

By that desert girl - 14/01/2023 08:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've been crying on a regular basis because I know one day my dog will die. He’s a completely healthy and happy dog, I just can’t accept how short his life will be and the fact that he’ll probably die before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 415

You deserved it 812

Midlife crisis

By Husband for sale - 02/06/2022 02:00

Today, I had to inform my midlife-crisis husband that the "weed" he had "scored" from his "dealer down the pub" was actually just a lot of mixed herbs. He refused to believe me and smoked it anyway, I mean, I'm only a chef in a restaurant, what do I know about herbs? He's still coughing by the way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 131

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The Top

Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 572

You deserved it 1 632

Today, my husband threw a fit because I dyed my hair bright magenta. Funny, I actually dyed it three days ago. He literally just noticed. Shows how much attention he pays me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 278

Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 634

You deserved it 3 408

Today, I was sitting in Science class and to my surprise I felt my pants suddenly becoming warm and wet. I looked behind me to see that 4 boys from my class had inserted a small funnel into my exposed buttcrack and where pouring the melted butter from the experiment into that area. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 019

You deserved it 29 854

Today, my boss asked that I add the work of our third coworker's position to my shift because he's never finished his duties. She gave us a 50 cent raise to "babysit" a 60-ish year-old man. I responded to respectfully fire him or pay me 20/hr. His last day is Friday and he doesn't even know yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 167

Today, I'm starting to realize my wife's baby loves me more than my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 179