Anonymous · 5 February 2025, 20:00 ·Portlaoise, Ireland

The gang

Today, I went to my friend's house to celebrate her birthday but 3 of them ganged up on me and molested my arse cheeks. Later, someone found a wooden plank and spanked me hard. There was also a BB gun and my arse was the target. I have been a social outcast all my life, and these are my only friends, but I'm always hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629 You deserved it 151

6 comments Share

Bernice · 26 January 2025, 15:00 ·Canada

Singed

Today, I was showing my grandson how to blow out the candles on his birthday cake. I got a little too close and set my hair on fire. The candles remained lit but my grandson was too terrified to go near them after the whole ordeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200 You deserved it 424

0 comment Share

Anonymous · 5 January 2025, 12:00 ·United Kingdom

Running man

Today, my husband ran in to get something, shouted that he “had to go, I’ll call you later, bye” then ran out. At no point did he notice the wrapped present, his favourite meal and beer, and me naked on the living room carpet waiting to celebrate his birthday. I still don’t know where he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763 You deserved it 94

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 4 January 2025, 00:00 ·Lower Hutt, New Zealand

Mid-life crisis

Today, my dad had his 45th birthday and got so drunk he couldn't walk. He crawled along, crying, saying that his whole life was a failure because he had "a shitty job, a fat girlfriend, and a dipshit son who's never going to move out." I haven't moved out because I'm 18 and still at high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661 You deserved it 110

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 9 December 2024, 14:00 ·Upland, United States

Under my thumb

Today, the girl I love who friendzoned me called to talk. She shared the marvelous things she'd done for her friend's birthday, then said, "You had a recent birthday too." Then she laughed. We'd talked multiple times without her mentioning my birthday. She ignored it on Facebook. Time for no contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463 You deserved it 220

2 comments Share

clewie · This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff ·United States

Better luck next year

Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 307 You deserved it 218

4 comments Share

A…… · 1 December 2024, 12:00 ·United States

This going to be fun

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my upcoming birthday. Mindful of our budget, I said I just wanted to relax at home all day and then get a nice dinner with her. She blew up and yelled that I'm "using my birthday to be a lazy slug." FML

I agree, your life sucks 603 You deserved it 76

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 28 November 2024, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Love is in the air

Today, for my birthday, my husband gave me a dress he stole from my wardrobe. It was the one I'd bought myself on my last birthday because he forgot to buy me anything, and gave me cash in a brown envelope. Not a birthday card, a brown envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562 You deserved it 115

4 comments Share

Please find a new song · 21 November 2024, 00:00 ·United States

It's still a bop! It slaps!

Today, I was once again woken up to my dad blasting The Beatles' song "Birthday." He does this whenever it's anyone's birthday (in this case, my mom's) and he knows a lot of people. It was funny at first, but now it's getting old very quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361 You deserved it 101

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 31 October 2024, 15:00 ·United Kingdom

Hung up

Today, my husband booked a restaurant and a trip to the theatre for my birthday, and even got me some nice jewellery. It’s not my birthday. It is his ex-girlfriend’s birthday though. My birthday isn’t for another four months. It’s the thought that counts I suppose. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540 You deserved it 76

2 comments Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Crystal Lake, United States

Here, have this

Today, it was my son's fifth birthday. I asked my grandmother, who is a baker, to make a birthday cake for the party. Two hours after the party started, she arrived drunk with a large ham with candles in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 914 You deserved it 4 929

82 comments Share

birthdaygirl · 22 October 2024, 15:00 ·Jacksonville, United States

You're welcome!

Today, I called my mom to let her know I was coming home for my upcoming birthday, as I haven’t seen my parents in months. She then stated she hated my birthday because it reminded her she was getting older, and they may have preexisting plans that evening anyways. Really feeling the family love… FML

I agree, your life sucks 514 You deserved it 111

4 comments Share

TheL1nds · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Kingswood, Australia

Ghost town

Today, I checked my fake Facebook account for the first time in ages and realized that the "fake me" got more birthday greetings than the "real me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 623 You deserved it 28 434

101 comments Share

Anonymous · 29 September 2024, 20:00 ·Southampton, United Kingdom

I hate surprises

Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. They shouted "Surprise!" as I walked into the room. In pure shock, I dropped the groceries I was holding, including a bottle of wine, which shattered. I spent the first 10 or so minutes of my party cleaning red wine and glass off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443 You deserved it 119

1 comment Share

fmlmvlijthen · 29 September 2024, 16:00 ·Netherlands 🌶️ Spicy

Oh look, a big red flag!

Today, the girl I've been seeing for two months and with whom I'm in love with, asked me, whilst she's on holiday celebrating her birthday, whether I would pay for a male escort for her as a birthday gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495 You deserved it 158

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 26 September 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Introverts can relate

Today, all that I wanted for my birthday was for someone else to pick out a cake flavor, and to spend the day alone. I've been asked ten times what kind of cake I want, and my husband took a off work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192 You deserved it 457

2 comments Share

Anonymous · 9 September 2024, 06:00 ·Bartlesville, United States

This is great

Today, I started my day with terrible food poisoning and ending my day alone, with a boyfriend in jail. We've had one short conversation since he was arrested. My birthday is in three days, and we have no idea if he will be released in time because of the system working slowly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180 You deserved it 489

1 comment Share

Anonymous · 7 September 2024, 22:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Happy birthday

Today, for my birthday, I'd told my boyfriend I wanted a full day in bed with Netflix, champagne, frequent sex, and a takeaway pizza at teatime. He managed sex twice 4 hours apart, kept falling asleep watching Netflix, drank too much, and threw up his pizza all over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620 You deserved it 330

5 comments Share

Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Macabre date

Today, I had to go to a birthday party for 10 year-old triplets. They've all been dead for more than 9 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 742 You deserved it 6 745

352 comments Share

Anonymous · 27 August 2024, 22:00 ·Livermore, United States

Where am I right now?

Today, I celebrated my birthday with my family. While they were singing Happy Birthday to me, my mother called me by my brother's name. When I blew out the candles a moment later, I joked, "I wish my mother could remember which son I am." Before we had even started eating the cake, she called me by my father's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 466 You deserved it 89

5 comments Share

Anonymous · 17 August 2024, 22:00 ·Bristol, United States

Never forget

Today, after my parent's forgot my 16th birthday, then rescheduled for two weeks later and forgot, fast forward to my 36th. My father, my husband, and my teen kids all forgot. I was told to relax and that they would make a cake, etc. No cake was made. Mom got me a food gift that I'm allergic to. It's been a few days. Forgotten again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660 You deserved it 138

4 comments Share

YoungBlood · 16 August 2024, 00:00 ·Australia

Age gap

Today, I found out that when my mum had introduced me to her boyfriend, it was right before his birthday, so she'd rounded his age up. For two years I thought he was seven and a half years older than me, when really he's actually six and a half years older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174 You deserved it 379

4 comments Share

Anonymous · 14 August 2024, 16:00 ·Lafayette, United States

Short Queen

Today, it's my 36th birthday. My boyfriend and I celebrated with a big group of our friends, our families, and their kids. Everyone there was taller than me, including my friend's 10 year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364 You deserved it 120

1 comment Share

Blade83 · 9 August 2024, 12:00 ·Perth, Australia

It's the thought that counts

Today, my friends threw me a surprise birthday party. The problem? My birthday is tomorrow. I spent the entire evening pretending I was surprised and happy, all while knowing they got the date wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175 You deserved it 623

5 comments Share

Tracey · 9 August 2024, 09:00 ·Baltimore, United States

Overconfident

Today, my 10-year-old niece asked me how to spell "embarrassing." I confidently spelled it out. She giggled and said, "No, that's wrong." She was right, and to make matters a tad ironic, I'd just finished bragging about winning a spelling bee back in middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 You deserved it 483

2 comments Share

Sorry Phil · 7 August 2024, 06:00 ·Dundee, United Kingdom

Damp squib

Today, I was throwing a surprise birthday party for my friend. As we all hid in the dark waiting for him to arrive, I unexpectedly sneezed so loudly that I scared everyone, and they jumped out before he had even finished unlocking the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363 You deserved it 151

4 comments Share

sambo99 · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United Kingdom

Happy birthday!

Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 025 You deserved it 3 384

153 comments Share

Heather · 2 August 2024, 12:00 ·United States

The grind never ends

Today, my "self-schedule" job changed my schedule so I work every Wednesday. My boyfriend lives 3 hours away and this is the only day he has off from his jobs. Also, my previously approved PTO for his birthday, which I spent $1k non-refundable on, was cancelled. So now I'm out the money because I have to work or be fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492 You deserved it 105

3 comments Share

Anonymous · 25 July 2024, 09:00 ·Bakersfield, United States

Old dog, new tricks

Today, for my mom's birthday, I couldn't figure out what to get her, so I just took some of her jewelry, wrapped it up, and re-gifted it. She recognized it instantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 You deserved it 1 485

6 comments Share

Anonymous · 14 July 2024, 12:00

Come home

Today, my daughter is such a bitch that when her husband texted to say he’d be 30 minutes late after work, she rang him to yell at him. He got so upset, he decided not to come home at all and booked a hotel, which was awkward for everyone waiting to surprise him with a birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673 You deserved it 172

4 comments Share