Today, my assistant manager was arguing with a customer. I interjected letting the customer know that "we want everything to be copacetic." After the customer left, I received a write up for using "big words." FML

by Username / 02/28/2011 at 11:26am / Work

Today, my shoulder was pulled out of its socket when I was helping a customer load a desk into his vehicle and he decided to answer his cell phone. FML

by jack / 02/28/2011 at 12:43am / Work

Today, my mom got me a job working for the man she's cheating on my dad with. My dad doesn't know that she's cheating, and my mom doesn't know that I know. It's just awkward. FML

by awkward / 02/27/2011 at 7:39am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Work

Today, all the staff in my company were forced to attend an evening Chippendale show. Everyone in my department managed to think of a good reason to escape while I failed and no other choice but to go. I'm the only guy. FML

by yamada / 02/25/2011 at 5:15am / Singapore / Work

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

by Eric Forrest / 02/24/2011 at 3:27am / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, I was fired. My boss told me via email that it was because I "don't have enough experience with fun spiritual." Uh, what? FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2011 at 5:36pm / United Kingdom (London) / Work

Today, I got a missed call from a lady at an employment agency asking why I hadn't turned up to an information session for a potential job. Yesterday, the same lady told me the job position was canceled. FML

by ellie / 02/23/2011 at 2:10am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, I was paired up with a partner in my film class. He has an idea for a film: "Shoot an onion from all angles, light it on fire, and roll it down a hill". He was dead serious. I'm stuck with this guy for the whole year. FML

by Dean Heffern / 02/22/2011 at 9:28am / Work

Today, I started my community service at the dog pound. I like animals so I thought it would be a good place to do it. As I arrived they were throwing dogs that had been euthanized into a dump truck to be taken to a landfill. That was my job for the day. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2011 at 10:15am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I got demoted from my manager's position, only to be replaced by a 21 year old who has never worked in retail in her life. I now have to spend the next month teaching her my job so they can fire me. FML

by lisha182 / 02/20/2011 at 6:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, while on lunch break, my fat, old co-worker walked into the break-room. I managed to block out his perverted heavy breathing, but had to leave when he began emitting a terrible odor that smelled like cheesy, sweaty molding feet. I barely held onto my lunch. FML

by Brendan / 02/19/2011 at 4:23pm / Canada / Work

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2011 at 4:36pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work

Today, my friend came over with brownies as a treat before work. She works in a bakery so I thought it was lovely. After starting work, I became stoned. She thought it was a great prank. I was fired. FML

by sickly / 02/18/2011 at 8:06am / Work