Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw my dad pick his teeth with a toothpick from a new box. He ate the food he got out of his teeth and put the toothpick back. FML
Today, at my job as a produce clerk at a grocery store, I had an entire conversation with my coworker about how nice the new cabbage boxes are. This is all it takes to thrill me these days. FML
Today, I picked out a toothpick from a pizza. This is not the first time I've had to do this. It is also not the first time that I didn't see it until less than a second before I bit down on the piece with the toothpick embedded in it. Looks like there's a toothpick assassin on the loose. FML
Today, I was working at a restaurant. This guy comes up to the counter and asks if he could have some toothpicks. I told him they were right in front of him. He said, "Sorry, I'm blind." Thinking it was a joke, I laughed until he said, "No, seriously." FML
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I bought a pack of toothpicks. There were 500 of them. When I got home I accidentally dropped the pack. After twenty long minutes of picking them up, I dropped them again. FML
Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML
Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML
Today, I got off work and checked my makeup in the mirror once I got in my car. I had a huge piece of spinach on my front tooth that no one told me about. I work the front desk of an upscale hotel and have been greeting guests all day. FML
Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML
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Top comments
Buttsexpirate 9
Dude you're gonna lose your shit when the new tablecloths come in.
sariannacanna 6
Those toothpicks are pretty cool.... Lol
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Comments (86)
sariannacanna 6
Those toothpicks are pretty cool.... Lol
CaptainCola 7
Colored toothpicks? :O I'm excited FOR you! :D
Androidz 0
Notice ops name is dulllife.
jonmansheppard 9
When posting an FML you can change your name to make it anomonous
tacovender 7
Noone ever pays me in colored toothpicks. :(
keepcaImcarryon 0
#22 so I'll pay you in Stride gum! ;)
RadioOctopus 16
trident layers
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
Cherry lime layers!
xMidna 6
Those toothpicks are rather cool :D
shazza26 1
Well it's something you don't see everyday! They sound awesome!
HahaBoy 0
Well that's not as bad as our life....we get excited reading about u getting excited about toothpicks. So sad I think I might cry
jwade11 12
It's the little things that matter!! You have to laugh every once in a while and finding little things like that amusing is awesome!! That's how I am and I'm never bored!!!
shazza26 1
I'd buy them!
DynamicDave 11
It's a colorful life, yours!
EwanSmith 2
so boring i yawned reading your story
Buttsexpirate 9
Dude you're gonna lose your shit when the new tablecloths come in.
Icecream93 4
wahaha
LezBiHonest 7
Who wouldn't get excited over coloured toothpicks? Pshh....
nattynatters 14
I'm excited about them just from reading this!
cheekyterier 13
At least it isn't so bad that even coloured toothpicks don't make you happy (: always be an optimistic :P
jonmansheppard 9
Oh. My. God. What resturaunt do you work at? I gotta see this for myself!