The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Step on the gas

By Anonymous - 12/03/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, I parked in a disabled bay so I could drop my son off at his appointment. My son uses crutches and has a blue badge. As I was trying to leave, an absolute Karen started chewing my ass for using a disabled bay while “not looking disabled”, then lay under my wheels to stop me leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 90

Main character syndrome

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 23:00

Today, my mom found out I’m in therapy and took it as an insult, like therapy was a criticism of her parenting. Um, maybe if she hadn’t spent my childhood telling me and everyone in our family that having me was an accident, that I’ve been a huge burden, and that she should have aborted me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 115

By Anonyme - 24/07/2010 15:09 - Israel

Today, I picked up my six-year-old son after the karate class I’d signed him up for the holidays. As he got out, I could see he was disappointed so I asked him what was wrong. “It’s lame, we’re not even going to learn how to make fireballs.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 76

Where am I?

By sam - 15/05/2021 00:01

Today, same as always, I still have to take a moment to distinguish between right and left. I’m 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 331

By Emerics - 31/05/2014 07:00 - Norway - Stavanger

Today, I was getting frisky with my girlfriend. It was going well until we had to put our clothes back on quickly because someone was coming upstairs. It was my sister, who opened the door and said, “It smells like salami in here! Can I have some?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 105

Cook out

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 12:30

Today, to impress my date with dinner, I spent hours prepping and cooking. Just as I was about to serve her, I realized I'd left the stove on and my kitchen was on fire. As the fire trucks arrived and my date looked on in horror, I couldn't help but think, "My cooking is so hot it literally set the house on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 477

Student life is rough

By Anonymous - 21/06/2023 00:02

Today, I've been feeling like my efforts are never enough. I had 4 exams in one goddamn week, didn't sleep at all for 3 days studying, only to get completely demolished. The teachers put the most complicated problems as if they WANT us to fail. If I fail one class, I'm getting kicked out of my program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 317

Disappointed

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 20:01

Today, my phone received a text which rarely happens. While getting my phone, I stubbed my toe, just to see a message from a telemarketer. Now my toe hurts and I didn’t even want what they were selling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 132

EMERGENCY

By I Was Going to Quit Anyway - 15/11/2023 09:00 - British Virgin Islands

Today, my boss called me to say that I'm fired because I was "deliberately ignoring" the messages from a head of another department who wanted to contact me regarding some "urgent" (not really) project. I was on "Do not disturb" because it's my vacation, and this SOB is not even my boss anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 101

Just no, MIL

By Anonymous - 17/02/2024 11:00

Today, against my wishes, my wife insisted we let my horrible mother meet her first grandson. This is a woman who refuses to learn basic English, but for the sake of insulting my wife who doesn’t speak Chinese, she still managed to say in English, “Baby so ugly, you do better with next one.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 140

Coco bananas

By Mary - 04/10/2023 02:30 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, a man came to fix my fridge. He was either on meth or crazy, because he yelled that it was an unsafe work environment, all because my puppy growled at him behind an 8ft fence. He got so crazy, my sick dog had a seizure. I sent the video to his manager, who said we just had a difference in personalities. I agree, I was polite, he was insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 168

High flying old bird

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 04:00

Today, while on vacation with my family, I went parasailing. Just as I was about to take off, the wind picked up and I got blown off course. I ended up crashing into a boat and had to be rescued by the coastguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 112

A blessing and a curse

By Anonymous - 30/06/2023 06:00

Today, I realized nobody has ever asked me for nudes, slid into my DMs, sent me anything lewd, or commented on any of my photos. I guess I'm that unattractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 439

Very encouraging, cheers

By Anonymous - 06/08/2023 08:00

Today, I told a bunch of my friends that I have a crush on this one girl. They all said it's definitely one-sided and I have no chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 176

Streaming

By Soiled - 12/02/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I lost my balance while peeing. I'll let your imagination do the rest. In the meantime, I'm going to take a shower and change my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 204

Luck of the draw

By Jordan - 12/11/2020 05:02 - United States - Herndon

Today, I waited 3 hours and paid $360 to have a routine tuneup done on my old car. As I pulled into my driveway, about to turn off the engine, one of my headlights blew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 74

Spillage

By Anonymous - 22/03/2023 06:00

Today, while at a restaurant on a date, I spilled red wine on the white tablecloth. The waiter came over with a new one, saying, "Don't worry, it's not the first time someone's spilled wine here." My date leaned over and whispered, "It's the first time someone's spilled it on me, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 156

My old buddy

By Rian - 12/08/2023 14:00

Today, I climbed into my junky old car and was pleasantly surprised that the AC came on. I patted the dash and said, "Thanks, buddy." Ten minutes later, as I was tearing down the highway, the engine threw a rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 111

The rest of us had already figured this out

By Anonymous - 21/05/2021 05:01 - United Kingdom - Bolton

Today, after reading more FMLs than I'd care to count, I think I've finally realised that the world isn't made up up of mostly competent and intelligent people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 176

Never forget

By Anonymous - 02/12/2021 09:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up and went down to the park for a walk. I later realized I'd forgotten to bring the house keys with me, so I got stuck waiting until somebody opened the door for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 382

Stuck together

By Anonymous - 11/12/2020 02:02 - United States - Wynnewood

Today, my mother is acting pissy because I poured my drink out on our front lawn. Apparently, this was, "ridiculous and embarrassing." Meanwhile, COVID is surging and it looks like I'll be quarantining with her. Kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 1 148

Sorry moley

By Ubehage - 15/03/2023 16:00 - Denmark

Today, I managed to fell a tree perfectly. It landed exactly where it should. Today is also the day I managed to Whack-a-Mole in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 142

We need to see the video!

By Lightweight - 08/03/2021 20:02

Today, I found out that while some people make out with others when drunk, I apparently sing a weird mash up between "Bad Romance" and Terry Pratchett’s Hedgehog song. My friends recorded it and posted it on Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 370

Artful dodger

By Anonymous - 13/08/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my chemotherapy has knocked me so I couldn’t even climb stairs at the train station. Another passenger helped me to the top, which I was so grateful for until I realised he was a pickpocket. On one staircase he got away with my wallet, phone, earphones, and gold bracelet FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 87

This is a low

By Anonymous - 23/05/2022 06:00

Today, I’m at a low point. I sank low enough to ask a coworker I don’t even like for a pity shag to boost my self esteem. The sex was great, excellent even, but when he left this morning I now feel even lower because I feel cheap and nasty, and I almost had to beg for someone to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 2 028

By ImprovTeacher - 16/06/2019 14:05

Today, I was teaching a small group of improv students. I asked one guy to do a monologue, and laughed to myself while he did so. I said, "Sorry, I'm just laughing at the way you're doing it." He then got upset and pointed out that he had a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 2 429

Being multilingual sucks sometimes

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 19:01 - Iraq - Baghdad

Today, in our microbiology lab, there's a machine called bacteria incubator, which translates to Arabic as "bacteria hugger." I envied the bacteria because it gets hugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 257

Drunk online shopping FTW!

By danielesnaranjo - 31/10/2019 16:00

Today, after waking up with the worst hangover in years, I got a bank notification that my credit card was maxed out. Apparently, I bought a $1500 plane ticket for my ex-girlfriend to come over this weekend. She’s in South America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 2 311

Soul Train

By Anonymous - 08/05/2023 06:00

Today, I went to my first ever party as a freshman, with friends from my dorm. There was a dance floor, and despite never having danced in public before, I put my best efforts into my dance moves… only to end up dislocating my knee. It's safe to say I won't be winning any dance contests anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 193

The itch

By Oh man, it itches - 27/05/2023 11:00 - United States

Today, I finally got prescribed something for my skin problems. The good news: It works really well. The bad news: When the doctor said one of the potential side effects was a "horrible rash," she really meant it when she said, "horrible." I swear to God, I was about to rip my chest open, due to it itching so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 104

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The Top

Today, I was promoted. After going to school for 10 months to get certified for the new position, training extensively, and taking on a ton more responsibility, I was hoping for a decent raise. How much do my bosses think all of that time and effort is worth? One dollar more per hour than I made before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 305

You deserved it 1 139

Today, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss. When I leaned in on him, he fell over backwards and smashed his head against the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 643

You deserved it 4 105

Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 904

You deserved it 597

Today, as I was finalizing my divorce with my soon to be ex-wife, she thought it would be a good idea to bring our two children to the divorce court. Before custody was put in place my ex-wife gave them both a piece of candy and promised them a trip to Disneyland they chose her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 762

You deserved it 241

Today, my male cat's cone is slightly bigger than his sister's. That means when he eats, the food keeps falling off his raised plate, he can barely reach it when it's on the floor, it passes his mouth to go under his chin, etc. He has to wear the damn thing for two weeks. On his behalf, FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 128

Today, my brother woke up from a 14 month coma and apparently the first thing he said was, “Where'd my muscles go?” Now, while I get the situation was serious, I couldn’t help but picture Grog from Vox Machina saying almost exactly the same thing, and I laughed. Mom slapped the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 158