By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 20:01

Disappointed

Today, my phone received a text which rarely happens. While getting my phone, I stubbed my toe, just to see a message from a telemarketer. Now my toe hurts and I didn’t even want what they were selling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

609

105

Messed up

First Dates

Nice guy DESTROYED by FACTS and LOGIC

By Zora - Norway - Bergen

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41098

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3747

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18218

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30073

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By oompaloompa

New, from L'Oréal!

Today, I used a self-tanning towelette to help even out my tan lines and disguise my vitiligo a bit. Now my stomach is orange and my spots are even more noticeable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1222

You deserved it

432

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By Peach

Today, my husband finally decided to help with the laundry. He washed a pen and it exploded in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4101

You deserved it

442

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By Eliza - United States - San Antonio

Today, I noticed a strange lady following me around in the mall. After a while I began to get creeped out, so I confronted her. Apparently she has to make sure everything she buys is better than what I buy. After a long silence she said, "What? You never noticed me before?" FML

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36161

You deserved it

2396

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By Anonymous - 25/1/2021 05:02

The I in LGBTQA+

Today, like every day, I'm an intersex woman. I can't orgasm, have no vagina, and can't have my own kids. Every new partner I have requires an embarrassing explanation and biology lesson because no one knows what intersex means, even though it's quite common. At least I don't get periods? FML

I agree, your life sucks

733

You deserved it

215

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By crushed - Australia

Today, the job search agency that I use asked me to stop sending in my resume, as no one had hired me in three years, and that the situation was unlikely to change. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29344

You deserved it

3786

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By baconbxtch - United States - Orlando

Today, I got rejected for a job because they claimed I faked my entire resume. Their excuse? I'm too pretty to be smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53876

You deserved it

4698

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By GamingWolfy5

Today, I got angry at my computer, and instead of bashing my keyboard with my fists, I bashed my face on the keyboard. It REALLY hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

483

You deserved it

2736

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By Charlayyyy

Today, in art class, we made plaster masks. We were supposed to put Vaseline on our partner's face so the plaster didn't rip their facial hair out. My partner forgot to put it on my eye brows and eye lashes. My face is now completely hairless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37547

You deserved it

7255

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By WhyMe - United States - Wareham

Today, I went to work with a great attitude, something that doesn't happen often. It was shortly ruined after some lady yelled at me because I accidentally shorted her one penny. Yep. One single penny. FML

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27154

You deserved it

3873

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By Nish - United States - Kent

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49619

You deserved it

4153

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18697

You deserved it

34254

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By Username - United States

Today, my grandmother sat me down and gave me a talk about the importance of personal hygiene. According to her, it's important that I shower twice a day, because "Fat people tend to have a most curious smell about them." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31515

You deserved it

11991

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By greenhide8 - United States

Today, I was playing at a bingo hall, when I got a bingo for $50. I got so excited that I accidentally yelled, "Holy fuck!" They kicked me out. I didn't get the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19966

You deserved it

45977

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By theboywithlonghair - United States

Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45884

You deserved it

6880

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By Anonymous - United States - Show Low

Today, I picked up an elderly woman walking alone in the cold. I asked her where she was going but she didn't respond. Thinking she was just cold, I kept driving until a man driving erratically kept honking at me. Turns out he's her husband and she has severe Alzheimers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24035

You deserved it

2254

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By orilykid - United States - Richmond

Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25975

You deserved it

1942

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By Nathanael Johnson - Australia

Today, after a fun movie night, I found a note on my fridge saying, “It was delicious.” I don’t know what it is referring to, since nothing is missing and we didn’t eat anything during the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1322

You deserved it

100

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By Anonymous

Today, while covering lunch for the self-checkout host, I noticed a customer walking away. I smiled and said "Have a nice night!" A few minutes later, I saw that she'd left without paying on her machine. I'd smiled and waved at a lady as she stole from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3629

You deserved it

755

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By pottyhostage - Sweden

Today, I freaked out when I couldn't get my bathroom door open. After ten minutes of panic when thinking about how I'd be stuck there for at least 8 hours until my roommate would get home, and another five mentally going over survival skills, I realized that I had forgotten to unlock the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8848

You deserved it

44972

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By fledermausi - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I came home to my boyfriend emptying his bowels into my aquarium. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32720

You deserved it

3087

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By Kelly - United States

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62202

You deserved it

3951

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By DocShadow - United States - New York

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

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47551

You deserved it

8797

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By crazytown - United States - Denver

Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML

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46268

You deserved it

4663

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By dac5 - 12/4/2020 05:00

Lowered expectations

Today, I was told that couldn’t become assistant manager of my job anymore. I already told my family I was going to be one, and they'd all said how proud of me they were. FML

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1417

You deserved it

331

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By Anonymous - United States - Duarte

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me and said, "Knock knock!" He refused to continue until I replied, "Come in." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32192

You deserved it

4837

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 17:00

Headfucked

Today, after two weeks of migraines, my doctor informed me that bowel movements are one my triggers. This means every time I shit, I will have a headache. FML

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1777

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 8-year-old sister learned how to type her name into a phone using the number key-pad. I later found my phone on the kitchen counter with all my contacts under her name. FML

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67815

You deserved it

9802

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By twelfinity - United States

Today, my husband decided that the best way to deal with me eating the last chocolate chip muffin was to give me the silent treatment. Normally, I'd just get over his childish behavior, but we're on a fifteen hour car trip back home with our one year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28611

You deserved it

5773

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By Lou - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the supermarket; it was taking me ages to walk home because of the heavy food bags. Halfway home, I realised I had gone in my car. I had to walk all the way back to get my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12523

You deserved it

58544

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By Anonymous - United States - Moorpark

Today, some popped-collar wearing shitbird tried to pick me up with the line, "You look like Marilyn Monroe's corpse! Wanna fuck?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32910

You deserved it

2751

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By fmlsrslyahhh - Singapore

Today, I picked up a lady's dropped wallet and chased after her despite my sprained ankle. When I finally caught up with her, she smashed her chili sauce filled hotdog across my face and kicked me in the groin, accusing me of stealing her wallet. I was kept at the police station for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39425

You deserved it

3005

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By jumpedjogger - United States

Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines me and shouts, "You're the reason my wife won't have sex with me!" He then kicked me in the stomach and walked inside. Now I'm scared to leave my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39128

You deserved it

3708

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By Wetarse - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was laughing at the new granite stool sculpture our work put in the office garden. I said to my colleagues for a laugh that I'd be the first to sit on it. Turns out it was a bird bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2143

You deserved it

4355

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By Dr_JF - France

Today, I told myself: "Go on you big geek, go outside, get some sun, get your ass away from in front of your PC, go for a walk". I finally muster the courage to leave my house. Without my keys. I've been in an internet cafe for four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23384

You deserved it

9009

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By Wow - United States

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28470

You deserved it

8831

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By potassiumgirl - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice my blowjob skills, since my boyfriend is always complaining that I'm bad at giving head. Let's just say my lungs now have their daily dose of potassium. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11986

You deserved it

38649

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By anonymous

Today, I went to the airport to start the amazing 3 week vacation in Costa Rica that I've been saving for and planning for more than a year. They wouldn't let me on the plane because my passport expires in less than 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40133

You deserved it

13794

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I took my child to the park. Having been there an hour, another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children, pointing to my child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML

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18562

You deserved it

51351

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7961302 - Thursday 31 December 2020 20:57

I get a dozen or so texts everyday for toe protectors!

How did you miss out on that?

By chyiochan | 31

#7961296 - Thursday 31 December 2020 20:10

I can't believe you missed out on your car warranty extension! They've been trying to reach you and it was your last chance!!!

COMMENTS

By chyiochan | 31

#7961296 - Thursday 31 December 2020 20:10

I can't believe you missed out on your car warranty extension! They've been trying to reach you and it was your last chance!!!

By RichardPencil | 29

#7961302 - Thursday 31 December 2020 20:57

I get a dozen or so texts everyday for toe protectors!

How did you miss out on that?

By coius | 22

#7961527 - Friday 1 January 2021 23:12

Get Robokiller. Filters out both spam calls and text. I use it on my iPhone 6s Plus as I would get 40+ calls a day. And since that number is linked to my business, I can’t change it.