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You can't say anything anymore

By Anonymous - 21/05/2025 06:00 - United States - York

Today, after months of saying I wanted to kill myself, someone finally reported me. I can't go back to school until I see a therapist who has to approve my going back to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 795

Average Millwall fan

By Anonymous - 07/02/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I went to a job interview and tried to break the ice by making a joke. In doing so, I accidentally insulted the interviewer’s favorite football team. He spent the next 10 minutes explaining why I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 520

Smooth

By Chad - 27/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Macon

Today, I tried to flirt with the cute barista by pretending to know a lot about coffee. I said, “I’ll take a macchiato, extra creamy.” He smiled and said, “That’s… not a thing.” I panicked and said, “Neither is my love life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 601

It's Klug

By Anonymous - 31/12/2025 03:00

Today, I brought leftovers to work in a Tupperware container for my lunch. When I opened the container in the break room, it smelled so bad everyone stopped talking. Someone asked if something was spoiled. It wasn’t. It was just my lunch. I ate it anyway, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 345

Hooky

By Anonymous - 31/05/2025 13:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I decided to play hooky to go buy new toys from the sex store to spice things up for my girlfriend and me. Well, things got awkward when my boss was also playing hooky and in the same sex store after I'd told him I was out for a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 494

Consent

By Anonymous - 03/12/2025 03:00

Today, I fully intended to start going to the gym so I set my alarm an hour early so I could go before work and get it over with. Alas, when the alarm went off and I saw that horrible "5 a.m." on my phone, my brain put me straight back to sleep without my consent. I ended up being late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 350

Where is my mind?

By Anonymous - 12/02/2025 15:00 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I went to the store for one thing: eggs. I came out with eggs, a new plant I didn’t need, and a jar of pickles that I’ll never eat. At least the eggs didn’t roll out of the bag this time, especially now they're practically considered a luxury item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 454

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 11/01/2026 12:00

Today, I tried to unlock my front door before realizing I was at the wrong apartment, on the wrong floor of the building. The actual resident opened the door while I was still jiggling the handle. This has happened twice now since I moved in a month ago and am still confused by the floor signage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 315

Overzealous Fitbit

By Annoyed - 05/04/2025 20:00 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I decided to try a new fitness tracker. After walking around all day, I looked at my app to check how many steps I’d taken, only to realize the tracker had counted every time I flailed my arms in frustration trying to figure out how to set it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 324

Talk saucy to me

By Anonymous - 30/11/2025 20:00

Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I asked him if he was going to fuck my brains out and make me his dumb little cock sleeve. He said, "That's kind of degrading, isn't it?" Instant mood kill. Never date a man who can't talk dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 303

High school drama!

By Anonymous - 21/08/2025 05:00 - United States - Lawton

Today, I dumped my boyfriend before school for not putting enough effort into this relationship. He said okay, and then HE WAS WALKING WITH A WHOLE NEW GIRL AT SCHOOL. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 646

Close call

By Anonymous - 22/06/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I started going over my accounts to change passwords after a massive network breach from Google and Facebook. Obviously my online bank account was going to be my first stop. I then realized that this whole time my online account had 2-factor authentication and I never turned it on. I don't know how my account was never hacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 302

New trousers day

By Jill - 11/05/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I picked out the perfect combination of clothes, making sure everything matched, before heading off to work. As soon as I walked into the office, my coworker asked, “Why are you wearing pajamas?” I had no idea that my "stylish" new pants were actually a pair of super baggy pajama bottoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 460

Open wide

By Anonymous - 02/05/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I had a dentist appointment and was running late. I frantically put on my shoes and rushed out of the house. When I arrived at the dentist’s office, they told me I was scheduled for a root canal, not a cleaning. I forgot to confirm the appointment. After I sat down in the chair, I tried to back out, but they were already numbing my gums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 520

Losing my mind

By Anonymous - 15/02/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, I checked my jacket pocket for my smartphone, all while still holding my smartphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 386

Knackered

By Anonymous - 27/04/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, I was feeling tired after a work meeting, so I took a quick power nap in my office before my next meeting. When I woke up, I thought I was still in a meeting, but I had been asleep for an hour. In my panic, I tried to act cool, but I had to walk past all my coworkers, who were wondering why I looked like a zombie walking into a meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 345

Bitter

By Whoops - 12/09/2025 00:00

Today, I gave my kid a cough drop for his sore throat. He complained about the flavor, but I told him to hush and take the medicine. Later, I had one and was shocked at how bitter and medicinal it tasted. I owe him an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 374

Tight fit

By Paul - 21/12/2025 03:00

Today, I'm having a difficult time in the bedroom. I'm 59 and the 40 year-old hot blonde I'm seeing is so tight, she squeezes me out almost every time she "gets hers." It sucks having to practically start over countless times before I can finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 234

WAKEY WAKEY

By mindy - 11/12/2025 03:00

Today, I set my phone alarm to play a calm piano song so I’d wake up peacefully. Instead, Bluetooth connected to the speaker in my roommate’s room and blasted my alarm at full volume at 6 a.m. for both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 321

Never again

By Lex - 21/05/2025 21:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I gave my kid some Pop Rocks. He shoveled a handful in his mouth, then screamed when they started popping and spat them all over the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 450

Out of sight

By Gracie - 27/01/2025 00:00 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I thought I saw my ex in a crowded café, so I ducked behind a counter to avoid them. It turns out that I was hiding from a random stranger, while the barista thought I was trying to steal muffins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 542

HSR FML

By ZelWinters1981 - 04/11/2025 12:00

Today, I applied for the health and safety representative role at work as an add-on to my role. I convinced a co-worker to put his name down along with mine so I wasn't the only one. He didn't want it so much, and it went to a vote… which I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 413

Must read

By Dating is trash - 24/02/2025 16:00 - United States

Today, I saw the guy I haven’t heard from in a couple of days posting on Instagram. I texted him, “So you can post on social media but can’t text me back?” He replied with a link to a book on Amazon titled “He’s Just Not That Into You: Your Daily Wakeup Call” and said: “Read this and get the hint.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 708

You're welcome

By Anonymous - 20/11/2025 22:00

Today, I did laundry at a laundromat for the first time. I then folded everything on the table, until an old man tapped my shoulder and said, “Uh, those are my socks.” I'd neatly folded his entire load of laundry. He took it back without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 389

To each their own

By Geemee - 21/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, a guy I was into and who denied me because he “saw me as a friend only” began to date another girl. I asked him, “Why her and not me?” and he wouldn’t tell me. After pestering him, he finally caved in, saying, “Fine, plus sized girls are not my thing. Happy now?” So in other words, I have to lose weight to find love. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 994

Friendly friends

By Anonymous - 17/09/2025 12:00

Today, I was at a supermarket when I saw a guy waving enthusiastically at me. I waved back, smiling like an idiot. He kept waving, so I waved harder, even giving him the ole finger guns. Then his actual friend walked up behind me, and I realized he wasn’t waving at me at all. The cashier witnessed everything and whispered, “Yikes.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 310

Standards

By Anonymous - 01/09/2025 11:00 - United States

Today, after a lot of discussion and setting ground rules, my wife agreed that we could try swinging. Problem is, she has vetoed every single person I’ve suggested as either “butt ass ugly” or “fatter than holy hell.” Her exact words were, “There’s no way in fuck I’m munching fat box!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 355

Have a good one!

By Anonymous - 27/10/2025 20:00

Today, I texted my friend “Happy Birthday!” with balloons and confetti emojis. She replied, “It’s next week, but thanks for being early.” I’ve been her friend for ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 329

Oblivious

By Anonymous - 24/02/2025 12:00 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, my ex and I had sex. Afterwards, I cleaned myself with a t-shirt and left a huge sperm stain on the front of it. After that, my stepfather came home, so we left. As we were sitting in the car in front of the house, my stepfather left on a bicycle, wearing the t-shirt. Sunlight reflected off the stain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 472

Sticky

By Zenoa - 13/08/2025 18:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to work hungover. I was in the back room by myself and thought I could trust a fart. I was so very wrong, and on my own for the next three hours and couldn't go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 452

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 462

You deserved it 3 481

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. It would have been great, if a mate of his didn't tell him to put Listerine strips in his mouth first "for the tingle." I've been running cold water over my burning genitals for 15 minutes while he laughs at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 046

You deserved it 632

Today, I texted my boss, "I'm looking forward to doing you" instead of, "I'm looking forward to seeing you" thanks to a very unfortunate combination of my atrocious typing skills on a smartphone and an overzealous autocorrect function. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 458

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to meet his parents. After hundreds of passive-aggressive comments, my boyfriend and I went into the kitchen. I started complaining to him about how his parents were horrible and mean. Little did I know, his parents had followed us in and were right behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 403

You deserved it 48 665

Today, working in retail, I noticed a customer looking for an item, so I walked up to them and asked, "Is there something I can help you find?" He replied, "Did I ask for your fucking help?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 205

Today, for the second time, I met the man I'm having an arranged marriage with in 3 months. I'd previously met him last night, while he was mugging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 141

You deserved it 3 368