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Today, I realized I've been driving for almost two years and still get excited when I park between the lines on my first try. FML

#14017590
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18066) - you deserved it (18262)

On 11/28/2010 at 11:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

#6356025
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18064) - you deserved it (7512)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:35pm - intimacy - by Tucker (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
474 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18064) - you deserved it (42375)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, I got a haircut and the first thing the lady asked was "so do you want to keep the mullet?". What mullet?! FML

#3797
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18063) - you deserved it (4306)

On 01/30/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Virginia)

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

#2053
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18058) - you deserved it (2121)

On 01/21/2009 at 12:03pm - love - by maddy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was walking down the street with my friend, one I walk down every day, and I saw a really cute guy nearby. I felt like I looked better than usual, so I turned my head to offer a smile, and walked right into a pole. The impact was strong enough to send me falling to the floor. FML

#847714
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18055) - you deserved it (43822)

On 04/07/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by laurisshnazzy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

#20686826
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18052) - you deserved it (45975)

On 05/26/2013 at 2:46am - work - by ChangoFett - United States (California)

Today, I was singing in the shower, when some suds from my shampoo fell into my mouth and down my throat. I retched and sputtered for about two minutes before finally throwing up. FML

#20166301
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18051) - you deserved it (6899)

On 11/17/2012 at 3:45am - health - by woman - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was at my family reunion. I've always hated my family. I walked up behind my husband and said, "I can't wait to go home and make love." My husband turned around. It was my uncle wearing the same hat as my husband. FML

#17601670
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18039) - you deserved it (35776)

On 08/28/2011 at 2:18am - intimacy - by dev - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I forgot to grab toilet paper on the way home from work. Since I don't have a car and all of my friends have plans for Valentine's Day I'm now down to wiping with cotton balls. FML

#19079186
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18037) - you deserved it (7455)

On 02/14/2012 at 8:26pm - health - by no tp (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up with this terrible toothache and called my mother for a lift to the dentist. This super-dentist-chick enters in and says: "Nice to meet you, your mother just told me you're afraid of dentists?" I'm 29. FML

#2012
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18026) - you deserved it (2909)

On 01/21/2009 at 7:36am - love - by Noname - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I got banned from my boyfriend's house for being an "insurance liability." FML

#8423454
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18021) - you deserved it (3703)

On 02/18/2010 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at the gym and I saw a really cute guy working out nearby. I tried to get his attention by taking off my shirt and smiling at him. When he walked over to me, instead of asking for my number, he just said "Can you please put that back on? Thanks". FML

#1607608
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18019) - you deserved it (53276)

On 05/03/2009 at 8:36pm - misc - by Gjkashldf (woman) - United States (California)



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