Today, after weeks of my girlfriend moaning that I never go anywhere, I went out with some friends. An hour in, she started blowing up my phone. When I answered it, she was screaming in rage because I wasn't home to cook dinner. FML
Today, my girlfriend's bastard ex whispered in my ear that, "She used to suck my cock with that mouth, think about that the next time she tries to kiss you." Now it's all I can picture every time she kisses me, and it's lowkey disgusting, and turns me off. FML
Today, while at a family reunion, my parents kept bringing up horrible things I did when I was about 4-6 years-old that I've been trying to forget for decades. After a while, I just stormed out. When I came back in the room, my dad had the nerve to ask me why I left and why I wasn't talking to him. FML
Today, I confronted my sister for teaching her kids “extreme independence”. It’s really just code for doing the absolute bare minimum required by law to keep them out of foster care so she can spend every waking moment with her new boyfriend. If I cut her out, I’ll never see my nephews again. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was unsure of the future of our relationship, so he gave me a gigantic hickey to "show the world that I'm his." I work as a cashier and see people I know personally on a daily basis. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents, siblings, and some other family members. Thirty minutes later, he broke up with me and stormed out, yelling no way was he staying with me because they’re all fucking psychotic. He's my second boyfriend driven away by my family. FML
Today, my friend, knowing my mental health is really bad right now, decided to yell out the fact I have an eating disorder, and how she never sees me eat ever, then started to talk about self-harm and how she would never do it despite what she has gone through. All while side-eyeing me when talking to other people. FML
Today, my 24 year-old boyfriend said that he wanted to move out of our apartment, but also stay in a relationship. He's moving back in with his parents, over two hours away. FML.
Today, I "hacked" my girlfriend's phone and found out she's been cheating on me for the last 6 months. She's pissed at me because I hacked her phone and invaded her privacy. FML
Today, one of the dogs I’m walking stops to sniff something, then raises his leg to pee on it. The other dog, wanting to sniff that same spot, then goes and sticks his head right under his buddy’s raised leg. FML
Today, I learned that my "friend" told my other friends that I was homophobic, sexist, and racist. None of that is true and she's just trying to turn everyone against me for no reason. She has also apparently been talking BS behind my back. Worst part is I did nothing to her. I don't know what to do now. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to date other people, but still wants to be with me. He said, “Yes I want to be with you, but maybe we can both find better.” I found out he’s been texting another woman. FML
Today, I discovered that in addition to being an autistic HSP, I also suffer from misophonia, hyperacusis, and tinnitus. My audiologist has described me as having, "the worst case of abnormally sensitive hearing she has ever seen in her life." I rarely leave my house anymore. I wish I was deaf. FML
Today, the thirteenth new hire quit at the call center I work at, while still in training. We just started last week with a wave of 20 new hires. FML
Today, I found out that a girl I had been seeing for two months used her having a brain tumor as an excuse to break up with me. She said she wouldn’t feel good for three months because of treatment, but then a month into "treatment", she posted a picture on a date with someone else. FML
Today, I was at Walmart and I asked an employee for help. She turned around with tears streaming down her face and said, “I'm kind of in the middle of an emergency right now!” FML
Today, I realized the only way I can get hard is if my partner rubs my back and hamstrings for an unreasonable amount of time. My boyfriend thinks I’m being manipulative. FML
Today, after I spent months trying to show a woman we can be besties, because she thought I only wanted sex (which I totally don't), we've talked every day, texted, shared videos, ect. Now she has a boyfriend and doesn't have time for friends, let alone a bestie. I should've never tried. FML
Today, I got my husband his favorite candy and wine for Valentine's Day. He got mad and accused me of doing it to "bribe" him into bed, since he hasn't been wanting sex lately. When I asked how he could say something so cruel, he admitted that he's been cheating on me, and my gift made him feel guilty about it. FML
Today, the massive snowstorm that has been mercilessly attacking my city for the past week started causing random, brief blackouts every 2-5 minutes. I'm very sick, so the last thing I need is for this house to be cold. FML
Today, I tried a new medicine in hopes that it would stop my stomach from constantly growling. Turns out, my body can either digest loudly, or not at all. I’ve been full for three days after one regular-sized meal. FML
Today, I realized I have helicopter parents. They monitor my phone and don't let me have social media or get apps without their permission, give me a screen time limit, and snoop through my texts whenever they want. Then they expect me to trust them. I feel like my house is a prison. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a long speech detailing how she was worried about my well-being, and told me that I could tell her anything. I tried to open up to her about my mental health issues, to which she responded, "Stop, I don't care, I'm not your therapist." I'm so confused. FML
Today, I got into a heated argument with my big sister, all because she doesn't like me having a girlfriend. She said that I either lose her or my girlfriend, and I chose to lose her. She blocked me. FML
Today, thanks to autocorrect on our new company laptops, I sent an email to all staff but when I signed my name, it autocorrected my surname to Nipple. FML
Today, my husband and I were lovingly holding hands on the couch. I'm not typically a cuddler, but I went with it… until he sneezed into his hands. This would of been fine, if my hand wasn't still coupled with his. His laugh suggested harmless fun. My drenched hand suggested murder. FML
Today, after I bought a ticket to Colombia back in April this year to travel in December. I was waiting for my passport to get mailed. My flight was on December 17; I received my passport on December 19. FML
Today, my cat vomited down my heater vent. It went very far down. I'm not even sure if I got all of it. FML
Today, I was driving around a parking lot, looking for an empty spot. Someone was backing out a bit too quickly as I was about to pass by, so I honked to announce myself. The driver instead panicked and reversed into my front bumper. FML
Today, I got fired from my low-paying, depression-inducing job. At least now I have a "real reason" to be depressed. FML
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