Aren't you the one being manipulated, literally?

It sounds like it might be a stress thing on your end if that’s the solution. Have you spoken to your doctor about it to see if the problem is physiological or psychological? re: your boyfriend, I could be wrong here but from the vibe I’m getting off him in your fml, it feels like you don’t do intimate things with him unless you’re hard as well. Of course would feel to him like you’re not putting in the same amount of effort or interest. Sex does not always have to end with mutual orgasms. Make sure that he feels appreciated and has his needs met. And maybe with the pressure of needing to perform taken off it’ll help you too.