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OP here! I work in the healthcare field and am back at work. We have a no more than 3 coughing spells per hour rule in place, so a gassy day for me is a dangerous day.

Tradwife expectations

By Anonymous - 10/04/2021 10:59

Today, the man I love and who loves me ended our relationship. Why? Because I want to work 3 days a week, which wouldn’t conform to the traditional gender roles he envisions his future wife having. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 227

She's losing it

By Anonymous - 20/04/2022 16:00

Today, my neighbour came over, claiming she was tired of receiving my psychic messages so yes, she would have a sexual relationship with me and my husband, as long as I stop sending messages because every message gives her a migraine. The cops and an ambulance were called real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 157

Walking Dead

By Anonymous - 02/08/2020 14:01

Today, my doctor informed me I was a fascinating patient. Why? I have "more health issues than a patient my age should." I'm 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 507

You deserved it 166

The void

By natasha - 01/07/2020 05:03

Today, my depression has hit a new low. I had to verbally motivate myself for at least an hour in order to wash two plates. I ended up giving up in the middle, and completely shutting down for six hours afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 308

Added flavor

By Boyufd - 27/10/2020 11:01

Today, I walked out the bathroom and saw my girlfriend peeing in a mug. She said that's the mug she uses when she can't hold it anymore. That's the mug I put my coffee in every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 217

Dizzy

By Anonymous - 28/03/2022 00:01 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, according to my doctors, the car crash I was in has damaged the part of my brain responsible for balance and coordination, which is why no matter if I'm standing, sitting, or lying down, I feel dizzy as fuck. Unless by some miracle my brain can fix itself, this might be a lifelong condition. I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 74

So lonely

By Anonymous - 08/06/2019 00:02

Today, I got dressed, did my hair, carefully applied my makeup, sprayed myself with perfume, grabbed my bag and put on my coat. I got to the door, and then realised that I had nowhere to go, nothing to do and none of my friends were answering my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 540

Heads up

By nobueno - 06/09/2021 23:01

Today, my wife’s ex-boyfriend sent me a message with a screenshot of her trying to get in touch with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 118

Sucks to suck

By Lila - 31/05/2022 22:00 - United States - Port Orange

Today, after several months of starting an antidepressant at the same time as my husband, I have horrible side effects, including weight gain, drowsiness, and acne. His only side effect? He can now only achieve an orgasm through oral stimulation. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 205

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went over to my parents' house with my female, unspayed dog. I guess they haven’t had their dog neutered, because he tried to mount her. When I attempted to stop him, he knocked me into their stone fire pit, splitting my head and elbow open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 1 371

Tiler, the creator

By musicalxtheories - 09/05/2020 08:00

Today, my cat pooped in the shower. How did I find out? I didn't see the poop when I got in. I slipped in it, and smacked my head on the tile wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 286

By GamerAM - 27/06/2019 22:23

Today, after over a week of trying to get a hold of my doctor for a much-needed medication refill, he finally called back. Too bad my phone got unplugged and died in the middle of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 254

Thanks, but no thanks

By Anonymous - 29/09/2019 02:01

Today, I got fired from the community service I was doing out of kindness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 306

Road to nowhere

By Anonymous - 30/08/2019 16:01

Today, I've been on the verge of throwing up all day. Why? My dog is intolerant to grain, but grain-free dog food causes heart problems so she can't have that. Now our lives are filled with nasty farts and Hershey squirts with no end in sight. It's a rough time for us both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 359

Stress factor 11

By Jonoq - 04/10/2019 16:00 - Canada

Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 133

Miscommunication

By embarrassed - 21/07/2021 10:59 - United States

Today, I saw a really cute guy in the grocery store. We made eye contact a few times and I was trying to work up the nerve to start a conversation. Instead, he screamed, "Yes, I know I’m fat, bitch. You don’t have to stare!” I got so many dirty looks I left immediately. I didn’t think he was fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 04/07/2019 14:00 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I'm so sick, I'm even sick in my dreams. Orientation for my new job starts tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 132

Yeah, just blame me!

By Anonymous - 17/10/2020 11:02

Today, after I found out my husband cheated on me and then yesterday had to stop him from trying to kill himself, he's now moved out and has decided that this is all my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 147

Mix up

By Anonymous - 01/08/2023 06:00

Today, my husband presented me with a DNA test proving that our newborn daughter isn't his. Confused, I got her tested again. She's not a match to me either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 121

Extreme dating

By umm yeah no! - 20/08/2021 13:59

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my new girlfriend about her terrible hygiene. In the two weeks we’ve been dating, she admitted to only having showered "once or twice." She doesn’t see a problem with this, even though the first (and last) time she came to my place, she smelled like death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 272

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The Top

Today, I caught my boyfriend staring at my sister through the doorway while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 169

You deserved it 9 526

Today, my mother keyed my car because I wouldn't invite her into my home and get her a cup of tea, so she could continue screaming that she was going to kill me while I tried to feed my 4 month old daughter. The last time I got her a cup of tea she threw it in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 541

You deserved it 3 327

Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 453

You deserved it 6 113

Today, I woke up early to take my dog for a walk. I wore spandex shorts. I stopped to talk to several people I know and passed a group of hot construction workers who checked me out. I just got home and realized I have the biggest cameltoe I've ever seen in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 756

You deserved it 59 976

I'll do it tomorrow

I agree, your life sucks 245

You deserved it 63

Today, after I met a girl on Tinder I would very much like to date, we finally arranged our first date. As I rushed to my car in my best suit, I had a flat tire. The trains had stopped running, and a taxi to that distance was easily £200. She accused me of being a catfish and blocked my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 112