The Top

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My window

By Anonymous - 20/05/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my new neighbour is delusional. She’s only lived next door 3 weeks and she’s called the police on me 11 times for “taking his bin out so he can look in my window”, “hanging out the washing so he can look in my window” and “barbecuing with his kids so he can look in my window.” Crazy bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 71

Consent

By Anonymous - 03/12/2025 03:00

Today, I fully intended to start going to the gym so I set my alarm an hour early so I could go before work and get it over with. Alas, when the alarm went off and I saw that horrible "5 a.m." on my phone, my brain put me straight back to sleep without my consent. I ended up being late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 360

Loving is the hardest thing you'll ever do

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 14:00 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today my life revolves around nutrition mixes, feeding times, blankets, tooth problems, and the eternal question of what caused the diarrhea. Infants, right? Well no, actually: Very, very old horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 230

Oh, hai Mark!

By Jill - 22/05/2024 09:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I ran into my ex at our local supermarket. Trying to be aloof, I waved casually, but I misjudged the distance and knocked over a display of canned beans. My ex just stood there, laughing, while I scrambled to rearrange up my mess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 398

By [SiMON] - 06/01/2009 09:51 - France

Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 123

You deserved it 2 879

Harry Pothead

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 23:02 - Canada - North York

Today, my husband said he wouldn't be talking to me for weeks, because I didn't buy him weed. Yeah, I paid all the bills and the rent this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 090

You deserved it 207

Klutz

By Sara - 27/05/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, I went on a date with someone I really like. Midway through dinner, I felt something stuck in my teeth and, trying to be discreet, attempted to remove it. In the process, I flicked a piece of food across the table and it landed in his drink. He looked at it, then at me, then sighed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 171

Free healthcare, please?

By Anonymous - 11/01/2023 22:00

Today, I have brain damage, no two ways about it, because I had mumps as a child that caused my brain to swell. I just found out I only got mumps because my dad lied to my mom about getting me vaccinated, because he was too cheap to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 284

You deserved it 87

Totally worth it

By Sarah - 10/12/2025 12:00

Today, I tried to sneak into the kitchen for a midnight snack. I stubbed my toe so hard on a stool leg, I yelped then tried to keep as quiet as possible. My mom came running, thinking our cat and dog were fighting and hissing again. I hobbled back to bed, only to realize I didn't actually get any food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 277

Walk it off

By Anonymous - 29/05/2024 09:00 - Serbia - Belgrade

Today, my dad told me that my stomach pain is from a lack of exercise. He knows I've recently had a medical procedure that's known to cause pain in the aftermath, but he dismisses it as a cause. By the way, I can't exercise because of the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 92

No biggie

By Anonymous - 12/12/2025 12:00

Today, on a flight, a woman in a crop top reached up to get her bag from the overhead locker and her breasts ended up on top of my head for like a second. Total accident, no biggie. That was six days ago, we fly home tomorrow, and my wife hasn’t spoken a word to me since the breast thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 93

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 27/10/2021 02:00 - United States - Little River

Today, my long-term partner and I decided we still love each other and want to try to salvage our relationship. Also today, a long-lost crush reconnected with me out of nowhere. The chemistry between us is insane and I can't stop thinking about him. Maybe it's a sign? FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 1 299

Please be patient

By Anonymous - 31/05/2024 09:00 - Netherlands - Elspeet

Today, and since I moved to the Netherlands in 2021, I have been learning Dutch ever since then, and have reached a Dutch accent point (Southern). Today I was in a shop and was asking a cashier for something behind the counter in Dutch. They answered in English to my request, even though they were CLEARLY Dutch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 443

The more you know

By My mouth tastes like blood - 14/12/2025 22:00

Today, I was able to get dental care for the first time in 4 years. I had been going through all the hygiene motions, but without professional input all that time, no one was there to warn me about the sour candies I had been eating, and how they ruined your teeth anyway. My teeth are well beyond salvageable now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 405

A tale as old as time

By GirlRepelant - 25/10/2021 20:00

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 545

Avatar II: Is Shite

By Anonymous - 13/01/2023 02:00

Today, I took my girlfriend to see the new Avatar movie I’ve waited over 10 years to see. After it was over, she just said, "That was utter shite, why did you bring me here?" Entire experience ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 989

Don't look back

By downbad - 02/06/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I looked at my ex’s Instagram stories and found out that during our relationship, she was taking her now boyfriend to all the places I'd showed her. They’ve lasted way longer than we did, and she’s the one who left me. Seems like she liked how I treated her, just not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 121

Narrative

By ADHD - 16/12/2025 15:00

Today, I tried explaining a movie plot to a group of friends, only for them to inform me I had described three completely different movies. One said my version actually sounded better. Another asked if I’d hit my head recently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 237

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 08/10/2013 07:09 - China - Shanghai

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 438

You deserved it 3 524

Get back here!

By brad - 04/06/2024 06:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, the slow, incompetent kitchen staff was keeping customers waiting for their food for 20 minutes. I got sick of a bunch of grown adults with kids my age ganging up on me, so I quit on the spot, and walked. Some guy grabbed me by the collar and dragged me back to the register. People cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 159

TGIF

By Anonymous - 19/12/2025 15:00

Today, bored to death, I tried to quietly leave a meeting early. The chair screeched loudly as I stood, and my badge fell off and skidded across the floor. Everyone stopped talking to watch me retrieve it before I awkwardly sat back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 383

Twitter (currently X)

By MF - 21/12/2025 12:00

Today, because now Twitter shows the "For you" section automatically, the first thing I saw was some guy saying childless women are useless and pathetic. I wanted kids but had a hysterectomy because I was developing cancer. Seeing that brought back the pain and made me feel like crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 116

The walls have ears

By Anonymous - 20/01/2023 12:00

Today, while I was at the doctor's looking nasty and sick, I ran into my ex. He was my first boyfriend and he cheated on me the whole time, and then left me. I went into a room with my friend while we were waiting and told her EVERYTHING about him. Turns out everyone heard me, INCLUDING HIM. Now I have to see him tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 942

Help out!

By Anonymous - 08/06/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as I’ve been doing our family tree, it's become clear to me that every man who has married into my wife’s family for at least 4 generations has died within 15 years of the wedding. It’s our 13th anniversary next month. Two years to go. Someone help me by keeping their fingers crossed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 75

Write lists!

By No list - 23/12/2025 12:00

Today, I went to the grocery store for three items. I left with two full bags and forgot the one thing I actually needed. I didn’t realize until I got home, unpacked everything, and stared at the empty counter in disbelief. Next on my list: start making lists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 367

Unprepared

By Jobless - 26/12/2025 12:00

Today, I rushed to an early job interview, rehearsed answers in my Uber, then realized at reception I’d zipped my suit jacket into my backpack and was wearing my old college hoodie over dress pants. The receptionist smiled politely while I tried to explain and I somehow made small talk about rugby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 333

Stylish

By Anonymous - 28/12/2025 12:00

Today, I wore my favorite light coat to brunch. Halfway in, someone bumped my arm and a long smear of lipstick appeared across the sleeve, matching the napkin I’d earlier used to dab my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 114

Receipe for disaster

By Yudith - 13/06/2024 20:00 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor, expecting him to tell me my cancer was gone. Instead, he told me I will need a colostomy, which means all my favorite food will be replaced with yogurt and parsley. No tabbouleh, as onions would make the colostomy bag stink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 90

Pay attention

By Anonymous - 30/12/2025 03:00

Today, my girlfriend is actually mad at me for not noticing she was two months pregnant. Since we met she’s always had a bit of a belly, and her default clothing is always a big hoodie or dressing gown, she even wears jumpers to bed, so how was I supposed to spot that tiny bit of weight gain? FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 99

Bite the bullet

By Anonymous - 05/01/2026 00:00

Today, I got terminated. I don’t know how to tell my family that I no longer have a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 75

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my wife decided to end our dry spell of four months and started dry humping and kissing me in bed. Things were going well until she orgasmed from the activity and declared that she was too tired to do any more, rolled over, and fell asleep. Five months or bust. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 847

You deserved it 1 013

Today, I posted my phone for sale on Facebook. Someone hit me up to buy it and wanted me to meet them. I didn't really want to drive to them, but I'm a mom of two and I needed food and some extra cash, so I did it. The guy asked to look at the phone… and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 173

You deserved it 707

Today, as I searched for food to take to work for lunch, I noticed that the only recent addition to our fridge is chocolate milk and popsicles. My mom went grocery shopping yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 305

Today, after we went and spent $30 to get our two youngest boys hair cut last weekend, they snuck my beard trimmer and had a go at doing it themselves. Guess whose heads are buzzed now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 188

Today, I located my birth dad and asked him why I was put into care. Turns out my mom died, and since he hadn’t wanted me in the first place, he just gave me away and hoped to never see me again. He didn’t even invite me in, he threw a beer at me and threatened to call the cops unless I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 544

You deserved it 239

Today, I drew the short straw to play Santa at the office Christmas party. As I bent down to give my coworker a gift, my "Ho, ho, ho!" turned into "Ow, ow, ow!" because I threw out my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 131