Tom
Etobicoke, Canada
Daddy issues
Today, I ended a relationship because she told me that I was "like a father." FML
The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
Clueless
United States
One stop shop
Today, I took my car in because the AC had stopped working. The mechanic turned it on, pressed one button, and cold air started blasting. I'd seemingly switched it to heat three months ago. FML
Anonymous
The mainframe had been haxored
Today, I found out my email hasn't been working for 10 days. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal, but it just so happens that a position opened up for my dream job while this was happening. I would have gotten the job, but instead they gave it to someone I just finished training. FML
Anonymous
Tucson, United States
Happy new year, huh?
Today, my husband of 12 years announced that he wants a divorce and that he hadn't liked me in YEARS. FML
Nick
Toronto, Canada
Free money
Today, I found $20 in an old jacket and celebrated by buying myself a fancy lunch (well, Burger King, but that just goes to show how well I'm doing in this economy). When I got home, I realized I'd left my wallet at the restaurant while paying with the $20. FML
Anonymous
Wollongong, Australia
That dang Ozempic
Today, I’ve worked hard to lose ten kilos. It took daily workouts and walking 10 kms a day to make the weight finally move, and I’m the fittest I’ve been in years. My mum, after having not seen me for a while, says in front of everyone during the holidays, “Wow, those injections have worked for you!” FML
Anonymous
Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Bathroom police
Today, it was 5th period and I went to the year 11 bathroom. I came out, and there was a crowd of people outside. Someone said, "Um, that's the boys bathroom." FML
Anonymous
Manchester, United Kingdom
Classic
Today, I thought my car had been stolen because I couldn’t for the life of me find it in the office car park. I panicked and called the cops, only to remember I had taken my bike to work. FML
Anonymous
Boise, United States
Heavy load
Today, my cat knocked the TV remote behind our heavy couch. I reached for it, got stuck halfway underneath, and had to call my roommate for help. She found me face-down on the carpet wearing one sock and asked if this was “an emergency or drugs?” FML
Anonymous
Santa Rosa, United States
Who are you calling random?!
Today, I failed a calculus exam because I simply was too burnt out to study for it. I have not wanted to even look at a math problem since the beginning of the year, and I procrastinate all day instead of doing work, and it leads me here, typing at 2 a.m. to random strangers while having to get up tomorrow at 7. FML
Anonymous
United States
How to dismantle flat pack furniture
Today, I spent hours assembling a bookshelf I'd bought online. Once it was finally done, I realized I’d put the back panel on backwards, so now there’s a "Made in China" label facing the room. FML
Anonymous
Baltimore, United States
Sounds like a keeper
Today, I was trying pillow talk with this guy I met at the bar that night. I’m thinking he’s going to say something cute, but he told me, "One time, I was bored, so I went to a liquor store and robbed an Asian man and put his bag over his head." I just wanted to pillow talk. FML
leogs23
Insurance is a scam
Today, my fiancée wrecked my car so I had to use my other car to pick her up. Ten minutes after I did, my other car broke down in the middle of the road and I had to get it towed. My insurance covers none of these incidents. FML
No way
Glasgow, United Kingdom
Loyalty
Today, I discovered my cat prefers my neighbour. I know this because she posted pictures of him on Instagram, captioned "My new baby." FML
Traveller
United States
Surveillance 24/7
Today, my smart fridge sent me a notification saying the door had been left open. I ran downstairs, and discovered I had apparently connected the fridge to my phone correctly. For some reason, it was warning me about the open door in the hotel room three cities away that I'd stayed in last week. FML
Anonymous
United States
Butter fingers
Today, I was waiting for my pizza delivery, which I had foolishly chosen to arrive at 5pm in the middle of rush hour. The pizza was roughly 30 minutes late due to this and I was so happy to get my pizza, I tried to help get the pizza out of the warming bag and somehow caused the delivery guy to drop his smartphone. FML
Niniva
Dahlonega, United States
Scarcity
Today, after several hours, two pharmacies, several bus rides, $20, and many phone calls, I returned home. Guess who still doesn't have a glucose monitor? Yup, I have to go do this all again tomorrow. FML
What an asshole
United States
Nasty
Today, as I crawled into bed and hid under my blanket, I was hit with a very strong and familiar smell. The smell of piss. My cat had peed all over my only blanket. Guess I'll sleep under the mattress. FML
Clean up
Houston, United States
Messy bitch
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend by cleaning the entire apartment before he came home. I even lit a candle and put fresh flowers on the table. When he walked in, he stared at everything and said, “Did someone come over?” My boyfriend thought a cleaning service had been hired. FML
Anonymous
Crop me out
Today, after wasting $60 and 3 hours of my time getting my hair dyed to get rid of the ugly orange tint it had from the last time I got my hair dyed, it turned out to be the exact same color I started with. I go on vacation in 6 days and hate my hair. I'm not looking forward to taking pictures, that’s for sure. FML
Anonymous
United States
Fleeting
Today, I took my step-kids and left my abusive husband. I've just been informed that I'm being accused of kidnapping. FML
Lauren
Canada
Gooey mess
Today, I volunteered to bring a homemade dessert to a family dinner. I made a cheesecake, decorated it beautifully, and carried it across town on the train. When I arrived, everyone complimented it. Then I realized I'd forgotten the removable bottom of the pan, so the cheesecake was still sitting inside a metal ring and couldn't be served. FML
Fuck you guys!
Always tip generously
Today, I overheard a waitress calling me a cheapskate because I left a $2 tip on a $9 tab. When I told her she was ungrateful, rude, and unprofessional, she burst into tears and told the manager I’d threatened her. I was then banned from the restaurant, all while the little twat smirked. FML
Anonymous
United States
Are you all OK?
Today, TikTok got banned. It was my place for when I’m bored. I’m literally crying. FML
FHL too.
Mexico
Not going back
Today, I found my ex on Bumble for the second time. She lives with her husband, whom she married a decade ago. FML
Miku
Atlanta, United States
Discord weirdo
Today, a creep messaged me on Discord, asking my brother to pinch my cheeks, and to send a photo of me pretending to sleep. FML
Anonymous
United States
Hot mic
Today, I joined a video meeting 5 minutes early and spent the time quietly complaining about one of my coworkers to my friend. When the meeting started, I realized my microphone had been on the entire time. Said coworker was the first person to say hello. FML
Anonymous
Denver, United States
Online predators exist in many forms
Today, some girl hit me up and was flirting with me over text. It turns out she was doing it for money and it’s been so long that I almost fell for it. FML
Distracted
Portland, United States
Nostalgia bait
Today, I found my old school yearbook while cleaning and decided to look up what everyone was doing now. I spent two hours searching for old classmates online, comparing careers and vacations. I then realized I'd completely ignored the pile of laundry I'd started cleaning the room for. FML
Anonymous
United States
Whoops
Today, I attempted to be nice and hold a door open for a person in a wheelchair. He hit the button to open another door. While I pointed out that I would hold the door for him, I realized that the door I was holding open for him led down some stairs. FML