Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said,...

By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 20:33 - Canada

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML

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Love

Understandable

Great speech, thanks!

Keep the peace

By loser doctor - 2/1/2009 11:14 - Philippines

Today, I found out the girl I was in love with has a new boyfriend. I blame myself because I believed her when she said she "wasn't ready" for a relationship. FML

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By ithappenswhenithappens - 3/7/2017 04:25 - United States - Gresham

Today, I've been in my old hometown visiting because my sister is having her baby. I scheduled the trip a full week after her due date, and still no baby. We tried everything to start her labor. I had to go back home, and as soon as my plane landed, I got a text saying she just gave birth. FML

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By eeewww - 21/11/2018 03:13

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and he ejaculated without warning, shooting straight up my nostril. I accidentally snorted it, started choking, and then coughed it up in my mouth. FML

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By gamergirlfriend - 20/10/2009 05:26 - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. I noticed that he had added a signature onto his texts that had the date 11/10/09. At first, I blushed and thought it was the date we had become a couple. But then I realized it was just the day the new Call of Duty game comes out. Love you too. FML

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By Anoniem - 10/12/2018 17:30 - Netherlands

Today, my two co-workers got the promotion we were all working for. The reason they got the promotion and not me? My interview got cancelled because of a policy change, implemented that day. FML

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By elvisfreak5446 - 10/8/2011 16:12 - United States

Today, I was arguing with a friend over whether or not I'm fat. She kept telling me that I was. Angry, I sat down on the chair beside her. It broke. FML

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By Camm. - 15/1/2009 23:32 - United States

Today, I found my car completely vandalized when I came home from work. A paper on the seat read "That's for what you did to Hannah you fuck". Hannah? FML

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By joking0303 - 16/7/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, my friend gave me a fortune cookie that said, "Don't be saddened by an upcoming event". Three hours later my girlfriend broke up with me because she said I was too superstitious. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2011 20:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I attended my extended family's Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how "the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean." FML

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By brando2k5 - 6/12/2011 05:05 - United States

Today, I got the official word my wife is pregnant. Her sister, who lives with us, is also pregnant. I'm stuck in an apartment with two women due in late 2012. FML

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By a manly woman? - 9/2/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, a girl entered the public washroom I was washing my hands in. When she saw me, she stopped dead in her tracks. I then saw her go to the door to make sure she was actually in the girl's washroom. FML

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By swimmonster81 - 25/12/2015 21:22

Today, my mother told me how she managed to afford all of the expensive Christmas presents we got. She took out extra money when applying for my student loans. FML

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By kjirut - 27/10/2009 18:49 - Norway

Today, I realized that the only thing I learned from my first serious relationship was how to fake an orgasm. FML

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By jason - 24/4/2009 13:24 - United States

Today, I came home to find a car parked in my assigned space. Pissed off, I left a note on the car's windshield saying, "Hey Assface, thanks for parking in my spot. I spat on your door handle." It turns out it was my girlfriend's parent's car. They took us out to dinner. FML

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By "sanza666" - 26/4/2019 00:00

Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML

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By infortunatename - 1/8/2014 23:10 - United States

Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, I found out that the blind man I've been helping for months at the grocery store by carrying his shopping around and stuff was actually faking his blindness. FML

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By mperh - 28/5/2011 12:46 - United States

Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML

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By anonymous - 31/3/2015 16:47 - United States - Denver

Today, I was fired from job as a personal trainer. Why? Because I was working out with a friend while off-duty. Apparently, working out with a friend on a day off means I am training them under the table. FML

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By megamonster99 - 7/11/2016 15:06 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I helped my hoarder grandfather clean out his garage. Not only did I step on a nail, I also slipped in a puddle of used oil that's been sitting out for two years, and broke my nose. He didn't pay me since I wasn't able to finish the job. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/12/2011 20:46 - United States

Today, I was making a snowman with my little cousin. I was collecting snow just outside the house, when out of nowhere a snowball struck me in the back of the head and caused me to headbutt the wall. I woke up a short while later to a medic telling me I had a nasty concussion. Thanks, cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/12/2012 00:06 - United Kingdom - London

Today, on the way out to buy groceries, my boyfriend asked if I'd like him to buy some of my favourite flowers. Happy with his rare show of affection, I said yes. When he returned, he gave me a bag of our usual brand of flour and laughed hysterically in my face. FML

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By Jessica - 28/2/2012 19:38 - United States

Today, I got my score back for the monologue I performed. I got points taken off for "seeming nervous." My character was supposed to be nervous. FML

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By md - 25/11/2009 04:08 - Canada

Today, I got an alarm installed in my car, and was having problems with it not going off when the car was hit. To demonstrate this to the installers, I bumped my car with my hip, which left a dent, and set the alarm off. FML

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By dirk855 - 18/1/2009 10:29 - United States

Today, I crashed into a ditch on my way home from work. I had to walk 2 miles in -25 below zero weather before I could pick up a cell phone signal to call a tow truck. When I got back to my car, a cop was waiting for me with a ticket for leaving the scene of an accident. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2012 17:21 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2019 02:00 - United States - Denver

Decisions, decisions

Today my boyfriend, whom I haven't seen all summer, blew off our date to attend a local chili eating contest. FML

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By icareaboutmyhair - 28/2/2011 15:27 - Estonia

Today, I discovered I have dandruff, which I never had before. I googled the possible reasons and those are depression and hormones. Not only have I not had sex for a year, but it's also the reason I have dandruff. And apparently I'm depressed. How sexy is that? FML

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By luni - 26/6/2011 21:17 - United Kingdom

Today, when my boyfriend said it was time to play with his baby, I figured he was talking about me. He meant his Xbox. FML

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By Fuckit - 28/5/2011 05:51 - United States

Today, the girl I love made me text my best friend how much she loved him. This because her phone died. I was at the movies with her on our date. FML

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By slipperyhands - 15/8/2009 07:50 - United States

Today, on my wedding day, when they said "you may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately my hands were sweaty as I was nervous and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2019 02:00

Zing!

Today, I overheard my wife and teenage daughter arguing. My wife was complaining that our daughter is unappreciative. "You should thank me for giving you life," she said. My daughter snapped, "I thank God for that, not you." My wife sighed and said, "He didn't have to sleep with your father." FML

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By Screwed - 22/4/2009 17:46 - United States

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML

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By Loser - 12/8/2017 03:30 - Australia - Adelaide

Beep Beep Who's Got the Keys to the Jeep

Today, I lost my keys while at the supermarket. I franticly back-tracked through the store, asking everyone I saw along the way. They eventually showed up, right where I left them... in my unattended car, the engine still running. There was an announcement made over the PA system. FML

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By ScienceFail - 25/7/2010 19:31 - United States

Today, I tried to open the research paper I've been working on for the past month, only to discover that the entire file is permanently lost and can't be recovered. This is not the first time this has happened to this paper. FML

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By LordCrafte - 15/5/2013 23:43 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after finding out that I would never be able to move my dominant arm again, I decided to talk to my best friend about it because it was getting to me. She responded with, "It really bugs me that you made this conversation all about you." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2011 17:32 - United States

Today, four hours before a test, I received an email from my professor saying that the test had been canceled. When I checked my email again before bed, I found another email from my professor saying that his email had been hacked and the test was was still on. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/10/2018 15:30

Today, I learned that one should not sleep with their roommate's friends, especially the ones that never go home. I spent the whole weekend in my room just to avoid the awkwardness. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2013 08:47 - United Kingdom - Bury

Today, I was reassuring my girlfriend that I wasn't cheating on her because I was sneaking around. I'm actually just planning a surprise birthday party for her. During the reassuring, I accidentally called her another girl's name. FML

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By crazytown - 10/4/2014 15:50 - United States - Denver

Today, my psycho ex boyfriend, who I broke up with over a month ago showed up at my work yelling and crying because I didn't get him anything for his birthday. My boss now thinks I'm an asshole. FML

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Top comments

By EmpyreanGoddess | 0

#73853 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:49

Here's what you do.

Tomorrow, wake up and go " I'm not pregnant!.....April Fools!"
That ought to clear a few things up.

Congratulations btw :]

By fleg | 9

#73835 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:44

...congratulations?

COMMENTS

By 1NinjaPaper1 | 0

#73834 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:43

That sucks!

Alhan_fml | 0

#970404 - Monday 29 March 2010 6:44

She should just tell him he doesnt need to help or anything, then go 'April Fool's'!

By fleg | 9

#73835 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:44

...congratulations?

By 13BlackCat | 2

#73846 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:47

doesn't look well for the future. hope he takes reality with a happy smile... for your sake i really do hope

By gangstabby01 | 0

#73847 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:47

well. that worked well didn't it? but congrats :)

By EmpyreanGoddess | 0

#73853 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:49

Here's what you do.

Tomorrow, wake up and go " I'm not pregnant!.....April Fools!"
That ought to clear a few things up.

Congratulations btw :]

By Jasper_fml | 0

#73854 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:49

um.
is there a right answer to this?

By dol567 | 0

#73856 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:49

Congrats!
LOL @ #6. That would just be confusing. He might think that the previous day's joke was the "April Fool's" joke and now you're saying that you're really not pregnant.

By jumperboy | 0

#73858 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:50

today, my wife told me she was pregnant, knowing it was april fools day i assumed she was joking........she wasn't................. i just laughed at my wife for being pregnant. fml

By effmalife | 0

#73866 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:51

LOL #9 and #6

congratz also!!

By lara522 | 0

#73890 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 2:56

congrats anyway!!