The Top

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Needed to know

By ohwell - 09/06/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for two years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time, and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response? "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 441

You deserved it 17 646

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

By Well shit - 11/04/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I found out at a routine check-up that I may have asthma. How it went unnoticed until now, I do not know. I guess the world just needed to come up with a new way to make me miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 140

Best seat in the house

By Rachey - 10/09/2024 00:00 - Ireland

Today, I was using the toilet at a friend's house when the toilet made a strange gurgling noise. Thinking it was just old plumbing, I flushed. The water started rising... and rising. Before I knew it, water, and whatever was in the toilet, began overflowing and flooding the bathroom. I had to go ask for help, and a mop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 130

Put it in park

By Anonymous - 10/04/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I’m learning to drive and finally felt confident enough to park in a tight spot with my instructor watching. I nailed the angle perfectly, but when I tried to get out, I realized I'd parked so close to the line that I couldn’t open the door. I had to climb out of the passenger side while my instructor pretended not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 285

You deserved it 114

By fsdjhgasjlhg - 03/08/2013 06:46 - Australia - Cairns

Today, I found a topless photo of my mother on my phone. Thanks, iCloud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 936

You deserved it 4 997

Small pleasures mean a lot

By Chocolate Croissant - 13/04/2026 20:00 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I think I had a mini orgasm when the baker told me that the chocolate croissant I'd just chosen was still warm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 139

Thanks for the heads up

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 23:03

Today, a person who I've been talking to for months told me they were in a relationship with someone else. I work with this person and see them almost everyday. To top it off, they told me this over text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 781

You deserved it 206

Get out ASAP

By Anonymous - 17/04/2023 10:00 - India - Bengaluru

Today, my husband is out of town for a week. My toddler asked me, "Mommy, why are you being nice to me now?" I was the same as always though. That's when it hit me: I've been in a severely toxic relationship and I've been taking it out on my toddler to long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 1 183

Bambi 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 02:03

Today, I came downstairs to find that our dog's six puppies, who have their own puppy-door to go outside whenever they want, had peed and pooped all over the floor, walked through the pee, and were now happily chewing on a half-rotten deer's head which they had dragged inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 339

Kinda sus

By Anonymous - 19/04/2023 22:00 - United States - Bossier City

Today, I yet again dreamt of the girl I loved in elementary school. She isn’t the woman I wound up marrying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 712

Company policy

By Anonymous - 15/09/2024 20:00 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I just wanted to let Spectrum Internet know that there's a wire down a block north of me, but all they wanted to do was schedule a fucking appointment for ME! Why are there so many fucking idiots in this goddamn world? FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 106

By ZAS - 22/08/2012 16:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while I was shopping at a store with my friend, I noticed a cute girl smiling at us. My friend said, "She's all yours," and walked away. When I approached her, she asked me if my friend was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 310

You deserved it 2 073

Joe Bidet

By tmrwsmggls - 16/11/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. Right as I sat down and started taking a dump, I looked over at the empty toilet paper roll and remembered his roommate had told us the night before that they were out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 365

TW: Scampi

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 00:00

Today, I’m so heartbroken I can’t even finish leftover Chicken Scampi without bursting into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 211

Time to bail

By Anonymous - 18/09/2024 16:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend likes playing games on her phone more than she likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 144

Get out

By Anonymous - 19/04/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband threw my brother out for wearing his dressing gown and eating his snacks, saying it was the final straw for his lazy, thieving, unemployed ass. I support my husband obviously, but now my parents are mad at me because my brother moved back in with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 116

Access to education

By Anonymous - 19/09/2024 16:00 - Oman - Muscat

Today, I was supposed to register my courses in college, but our stupid university changed the system, which means it's completely new. I went to my advisor, but he couldn't help. I went to the registration center; they told me to go to talk to the doctor who is teaching the course. He told me to go back to talk to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 99

You learn something new every day

By Anonymous - 20/04/2026 22:00 - United States - Concord

Today, after 40+ years of marriage, I got Peyronie's disease. Thankfully, the missus is understanding. After months of treatment, the painful bend is a bit less so, but the scar tissue that causes the bend also does not expand. Because of this, I have lost a full 5 cm / 2 inches in length when erect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 354

You deserved it 90

Ding dong

By Anonymous - 21/11/2020 02:04 - United States - El Macero

Today, I got an ingrown hair. It wouldn’t be so bad, if it were anywhere other than my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 145

Running man

By Fresh and not fit - 24/04/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, I'm training for my first half marathon so I went for a run in a busy park. I tripped on a completely flat path in front of about twenty people. Not only did I fall, but my wireless earbuds flew out dramatically in opposite directions. Some wise ass golf clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 100

Rejection

By xXitslolaXX - 04/06/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 095

You deserved it 2 595

What are the odds?

By Anonymous - 24/11/2020 17:00 - Australia - Warners Bay

Today, while driving my car, there was a talk on the radio about road safety. I got so engrossed that I drifted and crashed my car into a sign promoting the talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 955

WOOF WOOF

By Anonymous - 06/03/2022 18:00 - Germany

Today, our deaf old dog not only barks for no reason while lying comfortably on her dog bed, lacking for nothing, she now also barks in her sleep. And not those dreamy little yips either; full barks, loud enough to be heard in the next room. Which is where I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 158

Best foot forward

By Anonymous - 27/04/2023 22:00

Today, I got up early to go to the gym before work. As I was walking to my car, I slipped on a patch of what appeared to be a patch of wet moss and fell, spraining my ankle. Not only did I have to miss my workout, but I had to call in sick to work and spend the day at home, hobbling around with a swollen ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 130

Directions

By Anonymous - 26/04/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I had a hard time directing my dad to where we were supposed to throw out our broken toilets when we replaced them with new ones. I kept saying to go to the right. Unfortunately I was talking about MY right, not HIS right, and he was walking backwards. It wasn't until I said "other way" that he got it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 401

Alexa, play "Happy When it Rains" by The Jesus and Mary Chain

By milo jj - 09/02/2022 21:59

Today, I went on a date with a girl who told me, “Sunny weather makes me depressed.” I’d hate to see what’s she’s like when it rains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 245

More like high key

By Anonymous - 27/09/2024 12:00

Today, I had no idea my mom was low key racist until I told her I was dating a black woman, and she told me that was fine, just as long as I didn’t do something silly like fall in love with her or let her distract me from finding a proper wife. Wow mom, just wow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 493

You deserved it 153

Manchild

By Anonymous - 28/04/2026 09:00 - United States

Today, I realized I have to ask my husband if he’s brushed his teeth for the day the same way I have to ask our 5, 7 and 8 year-old children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 78

By Hareega - 19/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, I took my first day off in 3 weeks just so I can sleep in. The office secretary woke me up at 7.12 am with a page wishing me a nice day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 601

You deserved it 3 985

Snail mail

By Anonymous - 28/09/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, after moving to a new house my life has fallen apart, paperwork lost, appointments missed, job offers rescinded, and now I know why. The postbox by my new house isn’t in use, so four months worth of the letters I've posted are sitting uncollected inside it. It even has a big "Not in use" sign on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 612

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I finally worked up the courage to start a Facebook chat with a guy I really like. It went so well, and he even agreed to hang out sometime. Seconds after we finished our conversation, he changed his status to, "Desperate bitches really piss me off." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 052

You deserved it 7 717

Today, I discovered that airbags aren't nearly as comfy as they look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 979

You deserved it 4 590

Today, I set 3 alarms so I wouldn't miss an early morning event I was volunteering at. After I slept through the first one, my roommate turned the other two off without waking me up because they were annoying. I missed the event. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 478

You deserved it 1 992

Today, I found out that my roommate is starting a religion in which he doesn't believe in humanly things, such as paying rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 169

Today, I had a dream I saw my dad. I tried to talk to him, but then I woke up. He died last Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 82

Today, after a 16-hour day fixing the computer network at my workplace, I didn't even get a "Thank you". I did, however, get people whining about how, "That computer crap never works" and, "Why do we need IT anyway?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 86