The Top

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Snitch

By Elissa - 23/04/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband sent me some flowers while he's away from town on a business trip. The flowers were beautiful enough that I almost forgot the screenshot his best friend had sent me, where my husband bragged that he'd "probably be drowning in dick when she gets the flowers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 107

By Fatass - 18/04/2014 05:37 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I lied to the cashier at my local store, saying that I was "nominated to buy the candy for the party" when in actuality I went home and gorged on it alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 712

You deserved it 13 889

By Anonymous - 10/06/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, my cousin taught me how to make dinner. My cousin is in first grade and I'm in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 504

You deserved it 41 202

By unloved - 23/03/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, my parents told me they were going out for dinner tonight. I jokingly responded, "Sweet! I am totally having a keg party then!" My dad responded, "Keg parties are only for kids who have friends." He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 962

You deserved it 8 719

Recruitment hell

By Frustrated Worker - 16/07/2022 12:00

Today, I was let go by a job for the second time in less than a month, for the same reason - they couldn’t be bothered to give me any training or feedback. They even said I worked hard and had drive, but the wrong “skill set.” This could have been brought to my attention at the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 125

By joshinbaltimore - 22/03/2009 04:15 - United States

Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 103

You deserved it 25 603

By needs_another_loan - 02/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, while I was at work, my wife discovered you cannot put out a grease fire with water. I came home to a frantic spouse, a fire department bill, and a newly destroyed kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 636

You deserved it 2 623

Know your worth

By Anonymous - 20/05/2021 04:01

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 106

Scratched

By itchy - 08/11/2023 14:00

Today, I have scratched both my ankles so hard and for so long that they started bleeding, and they still itch. I have no idea what I’m allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 122

Best excuse

By Magellanic L - 06/05/2025 21:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my girlfriend, who's been in relationship with me for almost two years, told me she's worried that she's going to leave me for another rich guy "in the future", so to prevent that, she's gonna leave me right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 86

Quit while you're ahead

By noname - 20/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went on Facebook to find that my little brother had messed with my profile. He wrote on my status that I'm a piece of shit, I have no life, and several other nasty and perverted things. Underneath, it said 26 of my friends liked this. I'm new to Facebook. So far I have 26 friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 365

You deserved it 8 281

Walk, don't run

By Anonymous - 19/07/2022 03:00 - Finland

Today, I have horrible diarrhea because of IBS. If I was at home, this wouldn't be that big of an issue, but I'm at work and I don't have access to a bathroom all the time. I also found out I have about 10 minutes to get to the toilet or else I'll probably shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 116

It's on me

By Rockyio - 30/09/2009 17:45 - Canada

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend called me at work and offered to take me out to lunch. When he went to pay for the meal, his card was declined so I told him not to worry and that I would pay for the birthday meal. He looked at me and said, "It's your birthday?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 402

You deserved it 3 610

It's MINE

By birdy - 01/08/2022 10:00 - Australia

Today, after months of trying to persuade her to give it to a wildlife rescue, I reported my stepmother to the authorities for illegally keeping an endangered bird in the kitchen. When they took it, she screamed that I had no right to do that, as she considered it hers since she found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 250

Memories

By Fwick - 19/03/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 526

You deserved it 5 038

By Ann - 31/05/2011 16:47 - United States

Today, my 12 year old cousin decided that "all men are pigs" and deleted every male contact in my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 197

You deserved it 4 908

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 08:01 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, it's my birthday. My boss's birthday is 5 days away. Instead of wishing me happy birthday, the staff decided to surprise my boss with an early gift. We also had to take a picture of him with everyone. I work at another branch alone, and had to post the picture to social media. Happy Birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 112

Hangry boy gotta have it

By Anonymous - 17/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my idiot husband broke his jaw and had to have it wired shut. I just caught him trying to fix it in his shed because he cut the wire with bolt cutters so he could, of all things, eat a steak before it went bad, then tried to close his jaw again with fishing line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 82

By :( - 28/03/2014 20:25 - Sweden - Ume

Today, my grandma reduced me to a sobbing wreck in two short sentences, just to win a bet against my mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 736

You deserved it 4 828

Have a nice day!

By Angelica - 21/11/2023 00:00

Today, a customer told me to go to the “fucking border back to illegal immigrant land” and that he can’t wait to “put Trump back in office” so he can get rid of “incompetent ass Mexican bitches” like me. What did I do to cause this? Tell him that we were out of a sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 131

Was it worth it?

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife has been super into sex lately, she even let me try some of the stuff she said no to before, and even surprised me with some of the kinky stuff she’s always wanted to try. Sounds great, right? Nope. Turns out she was overcompensating from the guilt of also fucking my coworker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 05/03/2013 18:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he may have an STD. When I asked who he was with before me, and where it might have come from, he listed off almost every single one of my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 280

You deserved it 5 454

By Anonymous - 25/03/2012 17:21 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 356

You deserved it 4 385

Ground rules

By Katie - 22/05/2025 16:00 - United States - Jasper

Today, my boyfriend and I tried bondage for the first time. After I was tied up, I discovered he has a tickling fetish, which is when I learned why you should ALWAYS have a safe word before bondage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 341

By Dr.Anonymous - 22/03/2014 11:56 - India - Mumbai

Today, I was treating a patient at the hospital where I'm a dentist. This particular gentleman was old and slightly deaf. After completing the procedure I gestured to the spitoon and asked him to spit. He got up, steadied himself, and spat straight in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 363

You deserved it 3 783

By Anonymous - 26/05/2011 17:54 - United States

Today, both of the roads leading to my small town were washed out by rising flood waters. I now live on an island in the middle of Wyoming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 660

You deserved it 3 430

Intervention

By nazooer - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 047

You deserved it 4 048

Hooky

By Anonymous - 31/05/2025 13:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I decided to play hooky to go buy new toys from the sex store to spice things up for my girlfriend and me. Well, things got awkward when my boss was also playing hooky and in the same sex store after I'd told him I was out for a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 494

By woodchuck0022 - 21/05/2011 21:16 - Canada

Today, my pants felt a little looser than usual. Thinking I'd lost weight, I proudly went about my day. It wasn't until much later that I realised I hadn't lost any weight at all; my fly was down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 441

You deserved it 30 863

By Caroline - 24/02/2013 09:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 154

You deserved it 13 544

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was driving home from swim practice with my mom. I glance over and see my brother's hot friend who I've been secretly in love with forever. He waved to me, and excitedly I waved back. I then hear my mom say "You're gonna die when you see how bad you look right now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 639

You deserved it 5 112

Today, my step-brother said to me, "If we weren't related I would fuck you so hard." Mom says I should "be grateful for such a nice compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 644

You deserved it 6 056

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218 536

You deserved it 15 345

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 746

You deserved it 9 330

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 868

You deserved it 6 012

Today, I stole one of my cousin's chocolates. I didn't tell her, after I ate it, I read the box and realized that it was a chocolate laxative. I'm posting this from the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 438

You deserved it 43 512