Animals: Today, I took a big sniff of a flower in my garden. I spent the... - FML

By FlowerPower - United States

Today, I took a big sniff of a flower in my garden. I spent the rest of the morning blowing little bugs out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38749

You deserved it

18246

Tweet

Share

Time's up

Never flip flop and drive

Zamboni please

By anonymous - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39239

You deserved it

4111

Tweet

Share

By Mr. Headshot

Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should have told me she put in a stick to support the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41573

You deserved it

3506

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Corporate hell

Today, I found out I didn't get the promotion I applied for. Then I was told I was the only one who applied for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1779

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my husband announced that he wants to separate emotionally. Meanwhile, he still wants me to cook and clean for him while he dates his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44038

You deserved it

3261

Tweet

Share

By Scared - United States - Pacific

Today, I fell asleep while watching the Ted Bundy documentary. I'm a woman, home alone, in Seattle. The nightmares were so scary, I may never want to sleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1623

You deserved it

714

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26358

You deserved it

13025

Tweet

Share

By wtf - United States

Today, I was jamming out and playing some air guitar. I somehow managed to knee myself directly in my left eye socket. I now have a hideously swollen face and a black eye. When people ask me what happened, I'll be hesitant to tell the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10790

You deserved it

24434

Tweet

Share

By can’t sleep - 17/6/2020 17:04

Get it on, bang a gong

Today, and for the fourth time in a week, my 60-year-old neighbors have woken me up by having obnoxiously loud sex. Complete with over the top moaning and the headboard smashing against our shared wall. When I asked them nicely to quiet down, they laughed and called me jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1739

You deserved it

292

Tweet

Share

By dumbfriend - United States

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26714

You deserved it

4042

Tweet

Share

By engaged - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

I agree, your life sucks

113871

You deserved it

24173

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Framingham

Today, I got to listen to my boss lecture me about professional dress and subtly insinuate that my being on the heavier side top-wise with all the men in the office could be a problem. I've worn turtle necks for the whole two months I've been working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29538

You deserved it

2378

Tweet

Share

By GiWi - Ireland

Today, I asked my boss a simple question about a problem I was having with a project I am currently doing. He replied: ''You don't worry your sweet little ass about it babe". My boss is my girlfriend's father. Nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32646

You deserved it

3262

Tweet

Share

By maxedoutidiot - United States

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33777

You deserved it

5373

Tweet

Share

By CoolGuy69 - Sweden - M?lnlycke

Today, I studied all night for a big test. I ended up falling asleep on the bus ride there. I woke up in a different province. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12961

You deserved it

1822

Tweet

Share

By LittleRed - United States

Today, I got more turned on by the idea of sex with my boyfriend than actually doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29884

You deserved it

4241

Tweet

Share

By xo_lezz - United States

Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

200359

You deserved it

16618

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Quakertown

Today, I finished a big art project. It was a self-portrait done in acrylics. Proud of my piece, I showed my mom. After some thought her first comment was, "well, I'm either going to insult your art or your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49874

You deserved it

4907

Tweet

Share

By lel

Today, I got a blue screen of death on my brand new computer. Why? My parents installed an "anti-virus" before I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2903

You deserved it

220

Tweet

Share

By aireun - United States

Today, my laptop plug got stuck in the wall outlet. I stood there for 10 minutes violently trying to yank it out. My boss came in and screamed at me for making noise. I was angry, so I glared at him and yanked on the plug as hard as I could. It dislodged itself noiselessly and I fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12222

You deserved it

41940

Tweet

Share

By Hormones apparently - United States - Westerville

Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24829

You deserved it

3522

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend and I were acting out a kinky scenario at home, where we'd met in a club and were having a one night stand. We ended up getting into a real argument about an imaginary girl in the club. I didn't have sex and we haven't spoken since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13966

You deserved it

35725

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Wilmington

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36168

You deserved it

17859

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Fairfield

Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31370

You deserved it

3419

Tweet

Share

By ldrik1 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45056

You deserved it

4775

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I rested my face against my boyfriend's shoulder while we watched a movie. I didn’t realize he had put Icy Hot on the same shoulder right before I sat down. I cried in pain. He cried with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2691

You deserved it

415

Tweet

Share

By lopsided - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, "Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29890

You deserved it

2738

Tweet

Share

By dammed - United States

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25923

You deserved it

2111

Tweet

Share

By catwithwatermelononhead

The gift that keeps not arriving...

Today, the $800, large capacity, professional carpet steam cleaner my husband supposedly bought me for Christmas got "lost in the mail". So did the refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4110

You deserved it

285

Tweet

Share

By dogproblems - United States - Charlotte

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29428

You deserved it

3528

Tweet

Share

By committedandalone

Today, I spoke with my boyfriend about where we want to live when I graduate. He says he doesn't know what he wants and his mother wouldn't approve of us living together. We've been together 3 years with the understanding we would live together once I graduated my Master's. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9688

You deserved it

895

Tweet

Share

By NoFriends - United States

Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69829

You deserved it

7528

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I went to Auto Zone because my car was having trouble starting, and I thought it was the battery. The guy checked it with their reader, and confirmed it was dying. Right after he put the battery in, my starter died. I had to get my car towed to the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1490

You deserved it

103

Tweet

Share

By Miramichi - Canada

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he pees on the toilet seat just to piss me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43489

You deserved it

8922

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a date, and everything was going fine- until the ride home. On the way, I starting having progressively bad stomach pains. Once she left the car, I passed the worst gas that I had ever encountered. As I began to drive, she knocked on the window. She forgot her purse in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45421

You deserved it

5443

Tweet

Share

By FayBerry88 - 4/7/2020 08:08

People of Walmart

Today, my four-year-old son asked me for a "boobie hug" in Walmart. It's something his dad thinks is cute and I've just gotten used to, so I hugged him without question. From the other end of the aisle, a strange man asked, "Can I have one too?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1219

You deserved it

405

Tweet

Share

By Broke Ass Hoe

Today, as I realized I'm too broke to go out and get more toilet paper, I noticed my cat chewing on something and tearing it apart. It was my last roll. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3673

You deserved it

570

Tweet

Share

By SadManKillMeNow

Today, after deactivating my Facebook page 4 days ago for stalking reasons - as in me stalking my ex - I reactivated it for approximately 3 minutes to see what his status update was, then deactivated it again. I'm just THAT pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

630

You deserved it

2728

Tweet

Share

By ab1e - United States

Today, while at work, a woman left her credit card at my register. I tried to return it before she left. Seeing her getting into her car, I jogged after her and yelled, "Wait." She ran over my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33744

You deserved it

3048

Tweet

Share

By Stinky and Single - United States

Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24668

You deserved it

6618

Tweet

Share

By Deaththreat101 - United States - Evanston

Today, I posted a Facebook status on how I hated the new Batman movie. I'm now single, and have received multiple threats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21311

You deserved it

44583

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Ichigoner | 0

#414807 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:53

Imagine the bugs.

Today i was crawling peacefully on a flower until some idiot sucked me up his nose. FML

By so_me_fml | 0

#414939 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 1:39

...Maybe just gently inhale the scent instead of sucking it up to your brain?

COMMENTS

By Compwiz1993 | 0

#414780 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:49

You must have a powerful nose!

Reply

iKaite | 0

#414851 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 1:04

'She's got a tongue like an electric eel and she likes the taste of a mans tonsils!'

By KryptoniteKiss | 0

#414781 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:49

Oh, yuck.

By bayybee | 0

#414782 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:49

disgusting. ew.

By lich_fml | 0

#414784 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:49

oh, yuck D:

Reply

EllieMolloy | 2

#414918 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 1:30

I second that D:

By Ichigoner | 0

#414807 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:53

Imagine the bugs.

Today i was crawling peacefully on a flower until some idiot sucked me up his nose. FML

Reply

Ichigoner | 0

#414811 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:55

*her

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#415950 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 13:26

No one cares if a bug's life is fucked. They're gross

Reply

mmmrabies | 0

#999070 - Thursday 20 May 2010 17:42

Lol, that was hilarious!

By plexico | 3

#414808 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:53

You coke whore!

When you smell a flower, you don't inhale as hard as when you are snorting blow.

By M13LO | 0

#414820 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:57

YDI for having a nose

Reply

chocoLIFE_fml | 2

#414885 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 1:17

haha make no sense...

Reply

CDub7888 | 0

#428912 - Sunday 26 July 2009 1:01

And hark, here we have the genuine example of the fabled "asshole".

A hermit of many sorts, one dare not come across the asshole because when one does, hostile urges begin to form.

Reply

HamsteronA | 0

#914996 - Thursday 4 March 2010 23:43

these "assholes" sound very scary. are they relatives of "trolls", "idiots", "grammer Nazis" and "twats"?

By dRose22 | 0

#414878 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 1:12

YDI for not checking before smelling

By Self_Induced | 0

#414920 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 1:30

Sexy.

By so_me_fml | 0

#414939 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 1:39

...Maybe just gently inhale the scent instead of sucking it up to your brain?

Reply

gorguz14evar | 0

#414991 - Tuesday 21 July 2009 2:15

rofl. So true !