Today, before we went out, my four year-old brother left the water running in the upstairs bathroom. By the time we came back, there was a flood in our entire house. Guess who was asked to mop it all up… FML
Today, I noticed my 35 year-old boyfriend is starting to take an interest in my 19 year-old sister. They increasingly spend time together and he talks about her all the time like a little boy in love. When I discussed boundaries, he had a fit about how he can have friends and abruptly ended our 4 year relationship. FML
Today, even three months after seeing 'Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan', I can’t think about anything or anyone except Saavik anymore. FML
Today, I was trying to propose to my girlfriend when some scumbag snatched the ring and bolted. I chased him down, tackled him, and punched him until he gave the ring back. Now my girl is upset, crying, "What if he was hungry and needed to buy food? You didn't have to hurt him." FML
Today, I went to the bathroom and thought, "Huh, why are there urinals in the girls' bathroom?", but I went into a stall, did my business, and left. There was no one around and when I walked past the bathroom again, there was a boys' bathroom sign. FML
Today, on my way out to get salt for the driveway, I fell and split my head. I'm now sitting in the ER waiting room. FML
Today, it's 2026, and my mom is still shit-scared of COVID and demands I wear a mask, slather on hand sanitizer, and just generally make an ass of myself everywhere I go. Being with her in public is so humiliating, she wears a face shield, two masks, and is equal parts Karen and Hitler. FML
Today, I recently taught my 6 year-old son that, to be polite, you have to pretend you haven't noticed if someone farts. Now it embarrassingly just happened to me, and he shouted with a big smile, "See? I'm pretending I didn't hear it!" FML
RESPECT MY AUTHORITHAY!!!
Today, I bought noise-canceling headphones because my neighbors are loud. The first night I wore them, I completely missed the sound of my smoke alarm battery dying. Instead of hearing a faint beep every minute, I woke up to six missed calls from my roommate asking why I wasn't answering. FML
Today, my mom kept swearing and punished me while I was in an online lesson. I almost got punished by the teacher as well. FML
Today, my dog decided to take a poop at the top of an icy hill. Being a good citizen, I went to clean it up. Guess who slipped and wore the poop all the way down the hill… FML
Today, Reddit decided to nuke API access to cash in on AI training. ChatGPT and the like already scrubbed them months ago. They’re killing the only apps I can use with my disability, as collateral damage to u/spez's d!ck measuring contest. FML
Today, my son is incapable of sleeping alone because my husband keeps co-sleeping with him, stating, "He's going to be a kid for only a little while." The same guy who forced me to stop co-sleeping with the same kid because, "Kids need to be independent." The hypocrisy. FML
Today, and for the past year, I've been struggling with depression because of family life. I've been talking to my mom for the past weeks, telling her things that happen when she isn't home as a way to build trust. I finally told her I have depression and have had had it for a long time. She laughed. FML
Today, after I spent months assisting my 'work bestie' with planning/arranging her "Surprise!" wedding, Surprise! I wasn't invited. FML
Today, I’ve been at my new house for a week. My new neighbour’s dog barks non-stop all day, and their newborn baby cries non-stop all night. FML
Today, my physical therapist finally conceded and concluded that every pain that I've been having in my hips is nerve pain and that over the counter painkillers won't help with that. What will? Nothing that's over the counter, so I'm going to have to figure out ways to deal with this nerve pain. FML
Today, after I'd spent ages planning a surprise proposal at the beach, right as I got down on one knee, a seagull swooped in, stole the sandwich from my backpack, and everyone on the beach turned to watch the bird instead of us. My partner had to ask, "Were you about to propose?" FML
Today, I found a mysterious button under my desk at work and pressed it out of curiosity. It was the emergency panic alarm. Within five minutes, security, my manager, and then two confused police officers were asking if I was OK. I just wanted to know what the button did. FML
Today, I'm a recovering self-harm addict (yes, that’s a thing). I’ve been doing well for years, but lately I’ve had intense urges to hurt myself by biting or scratching. I know the urges would go away if I acted on them, but I don’t want to hurt my family by hurting myself. FML
Today, I slipped and gashed my head bad enough that my head had to be shaved to be sewn up. Right after it had finished growing back from chemotherapy. FML
Today, I walked in on my grandmother's cats fighting, and my brothers gambling on it. FML
Today, I had to teach my son to use private browsing because his porn keeps appearing in the search history. It worked, it’s no longer in the history, but he has added his favourite videos as tabs on the favourites bar. Either he’s a bigger idiot than I thought or he’s doing it on purpose. FML
Today, I have a dog I got to help motivate me to keep active and prevent the worsening of my chronic pain and limited mobility. My dog just got diagnosed with chronic pain and limited mobility. Misery likes company, I guess. FML
Today, and ever since my fiance started eating apples instead of junk food, he now has horribly foul diarrhea every morning, and keeps insisting it's his body "flushing out the toxins." I'm about to rent a Porta Potty so our bathrooms don't smell like sewage. FML
Today, my office has decided to make our working from home a permanent thing for 95% of our staff so they can rent a much smaller office space. Guess who’s one of the 5% who has to drag himself out of bed, just to be a warm body at the office in case something comes up requiring a man on site… FML
Today, I picked up my idiot 20 year-old son from a party. He was shit-faced drunk and managed to drop his vape out the window as I was driving. He tried to open the door of the moving car to get out and look for it, and I had to grab him and pull him back in. Legally, this moron is an adult. FML
Today, my sister and I were sick of living with each other, so we'd decided to go on separate holidays. I get to my hotel, then an hour later she rocks up to the very same hotel to check in. She'd booked her holiday using a magazine she'd stolen from my room, and ended up in the exact same place. FML
Today, I'm so excited and can't wait to join work after my maternity break, but the thought of being away from my baby is just killing me. FML
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