Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML
Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML
Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML
Today, I finally made a move on the guy I've been crushing on for years… by getting so drunk that I puked in his lap. FML
Today, I had to lie to my female roommate about what happened last night. She was drunk and spent half the night cuddling with me and trying to get me to kiss her. I've loved this girl for two years, but I promised her I wouldn't let her cheat on her boyfriend with anyone. Even me. FML
Today, I was finally about to hook up with the girl I’ve been crushing on forever. My piss-drunk roommate burst through my door butt ass naked and yelled, “Party time, bitches!” Now she thinks I’m some perv that tried to rope her into a three-way. I tried to explain and apologize, but she's blocked me. FML
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Top comments
Xiktyr 5
Uhh.. switch rooms, man.
jayray313 21
Sounds like your roommate has a crush on you. He only acts on it when the alcohol lowers his inhibitions.
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Comments (97)
Xiktyr 5
Uhh.. switch rooms, man.
suplarai 12
Ya find a new flat mate, this guy sound weird
deaper 16
Yeah. If it's not the first time this has happened, then ydi for not moving the heck out the first time!
synsam 4
ya and writers are supposed to live alone in a castle, have huge beards and complain about the industry they work in...or that could just be Alan Moore.
ClassyCataclasis 4
unless you secretly enjoy it.
Zazoo1995 23
Gay or straight, I don't appreciate people who don't respect boundaries. Even when I was in the locker rooms in high school for gym, I was cool with all the guys because I didn't look/gawk at any of them. They did their business and I did mine.. They don't need their privacy violated. But of course I would check them out in the hallways because... That's fair game ;)
9gagnFml 8
Totally agree!
Bradley_Dillon 39
He sounds like an enjoyable person.
Opheliae 22
Maybe OP does enjoy it...
Bradley_Dillon 39
I'd enjoy it. Especially if I was him....
Opheliae 22
Hey man, nothing wrong with a little TLC.
Opheliae 22
Perhaps a padlock on the liquor cabinet is in order.
Welshite 40
That is hardly going to stop him from buying more and getting drunk.
Opheliae 22
Then if I were OP, I'd padlock my bedroom door.
vipirius 18
13. Unless he's broke, which he could be if he's a writer struggling to get published.
KingreX32 21
agreed
thedeadmen 14
Kick his ass
Kyuzomi 12
For getting drunk...? That's a bit over the top don't you think...?
allie2590 31
No, for making OP spoon with him.
thedeadmen 14
No not for getting drunk , for making op spoon him or her
cakefete2 31
I wonder what gender OP is? If only there were a sign. Oh wait...
jayray313 21
Sounds like your roommate has a crush on you. He only acts on it when the alcohol lowers his inhibitions.
UnicornFarts 15
Sounds more like he uses alcohol as an excuse. Then later on he could say it was the alcohol.
Kiki242 19
Push him out of the bed.
NotAddictive 6
Oh the bed they weren't on? okay.
SexiChula91 3
spooning does usually involve laying in a bed.
BrookieAnn 19
Two words. New Roommate. Probably better sooner than later...
traumamedic3 9
Looks like we got another one with mommy issues.
onlychildFTW 34
Since when do guys ask to spoon with their moms?
traumamedic3 9
Since when do grown ass men sob and asked to be spooned? I reiterate, mommy issues!
NotAddictive 6
So...you are just making a gay joke or..?
ItsMeDiegoG 8
I think it's time to get a new roommate
Rainhawk94 27
Get him a stuffed animal so he can spoon that