Today, I had to slowly explain to my best friend that when babies are born, the umbilical cord is attached to the baby's belly-button, not the mother's. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML
Today, I had to explain to a patient that no, her nipples were not slowly getting smaller. FML
Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML
Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML
Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML
Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML
Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML
Today, I visited a friend and her new baby. The baby had a tight constrictive headband and a clearly wet cloth nappy on. I tried to give some friendly advice on why this was bad, but she shot me down, saying what would I know, I don't have a kid. She's 17 and I'm a 26-year-old practicing midwife. FML
Today, I had to listen to my best friend explain how to properly unstick one's balls from one's leg. I'm a girl. FML
Today, I showed the kids I was babysitting a picture of my daughter, and the little girl asked, "You have a baby in your belly?" I said, "No, she's not in my belly anymore," and the little girl replied, "But it's BIG," and patted my stomach. FML
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Top comments
krazyapples9 4
And that is why we don't drop babies.
mintcar 10
Today, I had to explain to my 18 year old brother why babies do not drown in amniotic fluid. I share your pain, OP.
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Comments (69)
krazyapples9 4
And that is why we don't drop babies.
whyusofat 17
Would that have any relation with your profile pic or no?
FMLshark 12
Some babies were thrown. OP's best friend may have been one of them.
Elovena 9
It's pretty scary. .
afairshake 8
Um your picture frightens me on more levels then I can even express I'll be seeing that in my nightmares later one word creeper.....
deBlobX 12
26- on my first glance your profile pic looked like Mad-eye Moody
RedPillSucks 33
If you don't cut the umbilical, then they just bungie back up when you try to drop them. Nature has a cure for everything.
zandalee 20
Bless. I hope you were gentle. At least your best friend realizes babies don't come via a Stork...
Lindahhxd 7
Just to mess with her, tell her the baby's gender is determined by temperature. Like an alligator's baby, it's gender is determined by the heat/coldness of the shell. We learn something new every day eh.
LittleGreenPaola 23
Or you can tell that gender depends on what you eat, just like in the sims 3.
Inheritance 10
23 is it really? I didn't know that lol; and he's right you do learn something everyday!
TheMathMajor 26
Whoa!! It depends on what you eat in the sims??? What foods go with what sex?
debbster7 18
39- Apples = boys Watermelon = girls
TheMathMajor 26
Is there any food your sim can eat to make them have twins?
1awliet 8
My sim watched the kids channel and she had twins.
LittleGreenPaola 23
In the sims 2 you have to eat cheesecake while pregnant to have twins, in the sims 3 you have to watch kids channel on tv. I love that game.
coolblue424 1
And if you want triplets on the Sims 3, you can listen to the kid's station on the radio and watch the kid's channel at the same time. :)
katydid95 5
Must have skipped health class.
guitarbeast 22
Your friend seems to just radiate intelligence
kristina_woof 6
Some people... *facepalm*
iamabamf 17
Some comments...*facepalm*
20PercentCooler 8
Exactly, 38... Well said.
mintcar 10
Today, I had to explain to my 18 year old brother why babies do not drown in amniotic fluid. I share your pain, OP.
FMLshark 12
These are the people who also think they can get a tan from a desk lamp and think blueberries are peas holding their breath.
ebonyirony 29
18- wait; they aren't?
mfischer 17
18 - I thought peas were blueberries that weren't feeling well. I'm so confused.
Muffin_boo 12
18,27, 34- LOL. Wow guise. Wow.
SarcasticUnicorn 9
Even if no one had ever told her this, in all- or most- pictures of a fetus, the umbilical cord is in their belly button.
xXUND3ADcityXx 0
Because people look at pictures of fetuses often...
llamafish 25
I have a whole gallery dedicated to fetuses.
syki 22
Is it in a folder called "School Stuff"?
sensoon15 7
I wonder what would their reaction be if they had a baby and didn't get taught that.
metalwolf 17
You will have to explain this one to me. How would it be attached to the mothers belly button? the only ways that I can think of are an internal connection that would require the womb being punctured or the cord going... erm... around and up... lets leave it at that.
SweetAsHell 9
Why, it's a sort of super power of course! The ability to give birth from the belly button, it's quite stunning really. Very impressive.
outoftown 27
Whew. And I thought reproductive ignorance was an American thing. Did she have health class with a guest lecturer named Akin?