Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him that I had none, he yelled angrily, "Who comes to this city without money?" I replied, "Apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
Today, some guy tried to mug me. Shocked, I threw a punch that somehow knocked him on his ass. I'm now staring down the barrel of a lawsuit since he was apparently only 16 and "acting out" because of his shitty home life, as if I should have just handed him my wallet politely. FML
Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML
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Top comments
melikeyturtles 3
Dont mess with homeless people. They will kick your a** and not care about consequences. They have nothing to lose.
ICastillo 25
Your lucky it wasn't dirty mike and the boys those homeless guys will have sex in your car.
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Comments (117)
zachherbert 10
Should listen to him! Seems like he has important things to say!
zachherbert 10
This whole conspiracy shit is getting people overwhelmed.
nerobluerose 10
Didn't the Mayans disappear? If they didn't see that coming, then I highly doubt they can see the end of the world.
maxmex13 7
He wouldn't have had to worry about what the Mayans said if that guy caught up to him...
LoveMyKoolaid 0
At least he didn't trip on bath salts and eat your face....
Fml_FTW228 10
^^ The homeless guy was the one who got his face eaten... Not the one who ate it.
JavIin 0
Did you eat his face off, OP?
littlecuntcats 6
The end of the world is already disproven. The Mayans didn't count leap years and we did-- do. If they counted leap years, we'd be dead already.
chaps93 6
Be nice bxtch;)
krzkidd 4
smfh shudda gave him some money
whennotlooking 0
Smfh shoulda read the post. The guy didn't ask for money.
kittenvks 11
You should have slept less in English, then maybe you'd have less problems understanding the FML.
MrSassypants 34
User name basically says "Crazy kid", has "You only live once", as a picture, and gas a stupid comment. Geez I'll be pickle named Sally if he isn's the coolest kid with the most swaggest swagger in the world. Spoiler alert: I'm not a pickle named Sally. D:
MrSassypants 34
Has* isn't*. Sorry to correct you MrSassypants but you're a lazy asshole who doesn't proofread.
LoveMyKoolaid 0
Op wouldn't be so angry if he relaxed with a nice glass of Koolaid.
melikeyturtles 3
Dont mess with homeless people. They will kick your a** and not care about consequences. They have nothing to lose.
jajaflan 4
Wtf to OP, dont push a guy over his opinion u selfish p.o.s.
kittenvks 11
No dude, no. I personally don't give two ***** if you're homeless. I dont care what's going on, you grab me and start ranting and I don't know you I'm probably gonna shove you too.
NuTrees 9
OP deserves it for putting their hands on another person. If I was trying to share with someone and they pushed me away.. I might get hostile too.
VasilisaUzhasnaj 29
40, you lack some serious reading comprehension. OP was grabbed by a crazy bum. How else could he have gotten away?
anzie_fml 9
5- and if you've heard the news lately, they'll apparently get high and try to eat your face.
j_cat187 20
The poor man is suffering in a pit of despair. You must put him out of his misery *draws .38*
Il_Maestro 6
40- You are exactly right! Reminds me of that guy in Florida who was trying to share a meal with that other dude and he was shot! Some people... On second thought, actually I think the poor man WAS the other man's meal...which makes your argument invalid.
Daederoth 10
YDI for talking about Charlie Sheen like that.
skoob1 12
At least op didn't throw a rock at the homeless guy...
ICastillo 25
Your lucky it wasn't dirty mike and the boys those homeless guys will have sex in your car.
Spicemelon 5
Especially if you drive a tampon on wheels lol
Niz_DD 14
Haha I love that movie!
mollysticks 10
It's these times that make me wonder why people around don't help?... Like call 911 maybe?
Shrike 24
Riiiiiight. Calling 911, while in the UK, while running full sprint away from a guy with a knife, while fumbling for your car keys. Sounds legit.
whennotlooking 0
-pretty sure he meant bystanders, not OP.
koolkat27 13
How do you know they didn't?
Shrike 24
Options: 1) Admit that I misread the comment and am a dick. 2) Claim that I was being sarcastic. HMM...
MrSassypants 34
Or the third option: 3) Blame your mother's uncle's brother-in-law whose autocorrect made him say those things. Oh yeah and he was drunk.
kittenvks 11
Don't forget you fell asleep and you're roommates stole your phone!
MerrikBarbarian 9
Or your cat typed it. And lest people get the urge to thumb me down, I'll explain context here for those who don't get it. I am a mod on a forum. I have legit seen people try claim their cat typed offensive comments after I suspend their account. Yeah, sure. Ok I'm probably getting thumbed down now aren't I? :p
Harpy20 24
Anyone would have done the same. After hearing all of the weird shit in the news of people eating faces and shit, you can never be too careful.
Il_Maestro 6
People have been eating shit for a while, nothing new there. Looking at you 2 Girls 1 Cup! *chorus of crickets* Yes, yes I understood what you were saying. Just making a joke. The ******* crickets enjoyed it.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Really? I thought ******* crickets would be enjoying their cricket orgy not your comment. ;)
whennotlooking 0
Cardio saves lives.
ElricMustang 23
Haha in Zombieland, "Poor fat bastard"
Trisha_aus 15
Well..Runn Forrest Runnnnnnnn!
Inferring 7
Does that mean the world is going to end on December? Dang, the Mayans were right.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
They were partly right. December 21, 2012 is Snooki's due date.
nofearjenshere 12
^ No it isn't.
Obeyy19 4
41- so dumb.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'm not dumb, I was joking. I don't know her actual due date, due to the fact that I don't watch jersey shore, thank you very much.