Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him that I had none, he yelled angrily, "Who comes to this city without money?" I replied, "Apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
Today, some guy tried to mug me. Shocked, I threw a punch that somehow knocked him on his ass. I'm now staring down the barrel of a lawsuit since he was apparently only 16 and "acting out" because of his shitty home life, as if I should have just handed him my wallet politely. FML
Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML
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Top comments
melikeyturtles 3
Dont mess with homeless people. They will kick your a** and not care about consequences. They have nothing to lose.
ICastillo 25
Your lucky it wasn't dirty mike and the boys those homeless guys will have sex in your car.
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Comments (117)
Crazberry 5
Ahh shit I'd totally forgotten about that. I work in a grocery store... I don't even want to imagine the panic shopping.
flashback.miss 28
Sounds like he pulled more a Gunther... FYL.. that's just terrifying. What the **** was going through his head... and his bloodstream for that matter?
juliarockwood 0
It's like the zombie apocalypse.
sammyluvspugs 4
He was talking about the world ending.
snafu63 0
great charlie sheen reference. because everyone is still talking about that.
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
59 is right. The Mayans never predicted a cataclysm. Contrary to popular belief, there are still people alive of Mayan ancestry and they laugh at the notion of the idea. Recently another, older version of the long count calendar was found and guess what? It goes on past 2012.
HALAL_fml 0
Omg are u okay
Linkerdoodles 15
No OP is dead
bellaboo123 0
Shit!!!????????????????
chavot 0
I'd just turn around and "drop kick" um. In the words of Rex kwondo, " you think anyone want a round house kick to the face while I'm wearing these bad boys."
alebunnie 7
Rule #1 cardio, sounds like zombieland all over again.