Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him that I had none, he yelled angrily, "Who comes to this city without money?" I replied, "Apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
Today, some guy tried to mug me. Shocked, I threw a punch that somehow knocked him on his ass. I'm now staring down the barrel of a lawsuit since he was apparently only 16 and "acting out" because of his shitty home life, as if I should have just handed him my wallet politely. FML
Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML
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Top comments
melikeyturtles 3
Dont mess with homeless people. They will kick your a** and not care about consequences. They have nothing to lose.
ICastillo 25
Your lucky it wasn't dirty mike and the boys those homeless guys will have sex in your car.
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Comments (117)
Mirageg450 3
Well just be happy he didn't eat your face ...
DarkHelmet 10
You shoulda just threw a few bucks over your shoulder. He woulda stopped to pick it up and you would've helped a person in need while at the same time defusing a hostile situation.
krysxkatastrophe 14
Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell? Haven't seen much of him since his "winning" spree. I guess he's a hobo now.
WildInTheStreets 5
He was probably high on bath salts.
Calyx_fml 22
You must have looked tasty. Did he have a fork in the other hand?
demonxshadow 1
At least he wasn't trying to eat your face.
Spicemelon 5
Just trying to cut it off
Calyx_fml 22
He had a fork in the other hand.
pfclunchbox005 1
With my glock at my side. He would have been done
Attica 20
Good luck next time, trying to be cool. Lame.
TheNewGuy03 29
Aieee! Your life was almost literally ******. |the kid|
amandalillian 27
I bet you that whole post was just a set up for that Charlie Shen joke
mxpklx 12
He's on that new zombie LSD
reddudeover 2
The Mayans weren't right because with the rash of cannibalism in the news we're obviously going out zompocolypes style *cocks shotgun