Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
Today, I passed a homeless person asking for change. When I politely apologized and told him that I had none, he yelled angrily, "Who comes to this city without money?" I replied, "Apparently, you do." Wrong answer. He followed me, now screaming. FML
Today, some guy on the street threatened to stab me. I called his bluff, and walked away. He wasn't bluffing. FML
Today, I was walking home, when I saw a homeless man trying to tear the wallet out of another guy's hand. I can't stand bums, so I smacked him across the jaw. That's when the other one kneed me in the balls and made off with my wallet as well. FML
Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, I went to the market to buy some groceries. Before I got even half-way home, a guy stormed toward me, pulled what looked like a knife, and chased me around the block while screaming that he'd kill me for sleeping with his wife. Nope, still a 15-year-old virgin here. FML
Today, some guy tried to mug me. Shocked, I threw a punch that somehow knocked him on his ass. I'm now staring down the barrel of a lawsuit since he was apparently only 16 and "acting out" because of his shitty home life, as if I should have just handed him my wallet politely. FML
Today, I was walking home when a stranger came up to me and told me to give him a good reason why he shouldn't punch me in the face. I guess none were good enough. FML
Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend, when a guy pulled a knife and told us to hand over our money. My boyfriend blurted "I don't have shit, dude! She has tons of cash!" The moment the mugger turned to me, my boyfriend ran away at top speed. FML
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Top comments
melikeyturtles 3
Dont mess with homeless people. They will kick your a** and not care about consequences. They have nothing to lose.
ICastillo 25
Your lucky it wasn't dirty mike and the boys those homeless guys will have sex in your car.
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Comments (117)
Inferring 7
Does that mean the world is going to end on December? Dang, the Mayans were right.
AH1Zviper 15
That's kinda offensive to Charlie Sheen. He isn't a homeless crazy guy, he's just a stoned crazy guy.
friedchickenpie 14
"I have one gear--go!" ("Are you bi-polar?") "I'm bi-winning. I win here, win there, win everywhere." ("So I hear you like to party.") "What's not to love?" "I'm like a total freakin' rockstar--from Mars."
EG14_fml 8
Gotta love them hobos, helpin people get into their cars and whatnot. How nice.
jellycorn 13
And exercise as well! A round of applause to all the hobos!
onlychildFTW 34
Ahh crazy homeless guys. It isn't bad enough they have bad hygiene but they now rant about the Mayans.
quontag 15
Well on December 21 you will wish you listened to him.
perdix 31
He was just trying to give you some important information: Don't waste your money on a 2013 calendar!!!! Ignorant ingrates like you ought to be stabbed.
horseraddish 4
Don't shove crazy homeless people?
cjhons 16
Winning!
Trisha_aus 15
What'd ya win ?
SqueakyChipmunk 22
A fluffy panda bear.
AxFETUSxFARMER 0
Crazy crack head?
sempiternallove 3
Never shove a homeless person you dimwit!