Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff
Portland, United States
We should do this again some time
Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML
Top comments
SailorLove 4
that sucks, but I couldn't help but giggle.
Nevereverland 8
He was polite enough to wait for you to get back. Good man!
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Comments (145)
SailorLove 4
that sucks, but I couldn't help but giggle.
Awes0meperson 10
Did he take anything?
instnt1nfction 17
No, he was just visiting.
Dyer18 0
He was actually just watching the house for you. Ge was worried someone would try to break in while you were gone. Ha!
spekledworf 18
Those guys tend to be idiots. Last fall a dumbass teenage neighbor of mine broke into my house through the bathroom window when I was home. His excuse: "I was just cutting through your yard"
102Percent 5
FML? Be thankful he just left and didnt hurt you
CharlieS0ul 0
Youre so lucky!!! You got a visit from Santa Claus!! :D x3
JackIsHere 4
um, okay random much
McDonaldsworker 4
Why didn't he use the door?
zombicidal 11
hey I'd have broken a different window and left through that one
derkster 6
3- wild pic lmao
blushy 14
at least he didn't hurt you
Cuppycakeslol 4
50 I died of laughter.
DontForgetMe4 0
Hey, on the bright side, he was LEAVING. You didn't have to deal with him!
ImaginaryFoe 1
This is true. OP, I don't know if you realise how lucky you are. You could've been seriously hurt. Most burglars prefer to avoid violence but a cornered rat is likely to do anything to escape.
skizzars 2
Exquisite metaphor! :)
Nevereverland 8
He was polite enough to wait for you to get back. Good man!
septemberbby 4
Indeed! Should've offered him some tea before he left.
l0v3p4in 7
. . . and biscuits. Can't have tea without sugar biscuits!
ladyLALAA 29
Call the police, throw something at them! Poor OP, I hope you didn't lose too much/didn't get ransacked. I've had my house broken into it sucks, and windows are expensive to replace!
Calyx_fml 22
Bad idea. There is no need to turn a mon-violent situation violent just to protect some replaceable stuff. Nothing is that valuable. Just remember what he looked like and call the cops.
ladyLALAA 29
I will deal with robbers how I like, gtfo. :)
CharlieS0ul 0
Lol read my comments lol. Santa Claus just came by to collect some things that needed fixing x3 he'll be back in oh next year x3
BloodRedSpark 9
So, 127, you want people to respect your ways, but when somebody disagrees, you get POed? Wow, you are an idiot.
CaliGali 9
I would sarcastically offer him something to drink.
ladyLALAA 29
That's when they sarcastically stab you...
Nevereverland 8
And sarcastically rape you..
OffToTheGayBar 9
Then sarcastically sodomize you with a fruit or vegetable they found in your fridge while reciting Scripture in a nasally high-pitched voice.... Too much?
KeyboardWarrior 10
I think that's still considered rape...
Torva_fml 16
And then you wake up, and find out the burglar was actually trying to save you from the.... Umm.... One fish that was crawling around your genitals, by hitting it with fruit... And err.... Was checking your temperature rectally after you collapsed on the floor, because he was concerned about your safety!! Yay! I lightened up this dark, weird... Sadistic thread with a perfectly logical explanation. ;)
Ch0sen 13
Interesting fact: logic is the number one killer of humor.
digitaljunky 5
That seems logical
connerwonner 7
At 73- you didn't lighten up anything you killed the joke
ladyLALAA 29
62 sodomy is a totally different crime to rape.
Beckyxo 3
Ooonly in america!!!
DontForgetMe4 0
No, this doesn't happen only in America.
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
10 - Oooooonly a stupid assumption!
Silenthunter 0
No, that is only in the South.
CryMoreFMLs 15
Im in the South and I don't own a shotgun.... I own a rifle though...
metalwolf 17
28- Right, because in the north we only have rifles.
coldashell 23
I live in yankeeville and still have guns. 12 gauge justice served hot with a side of birdshot.
mannykatany 9
Yeah ya know people in europe don't get robbed or anything...•_•
TEXASDude45 5
This reply is even dumber than the comment...
wannagofast 3
Now only if he jizzed all over the place the cops would have a real shot at catching this guy!
noshatsherlockk 15
Yeah, because he's randomly going to **** EVERYWHERE while robbing a house "Ohhh, look at that fine china, mmm!"
AngiLaLa1 2
Sarcasm.
Ch0sen 13
I do that every time I break into a house. Just trying to be a good Samaritan and help fill in those holes in the drywall, you know?
Enslaved 38
At least you'll be able to identify him during the line up.
thisiscat 14
What if he was wearing a traditional robbery mask?
wlddog 14
It's always nice when robbers wear the traditional clothing. Did he bring a black bag?
thisiscat 14
No, I was wearing a black ski mask and the bag was taupe.