Love: Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his...

By anonmys - 18/07/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 456

You deserved it 19 420

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 09:45 - United Kingdom - Bicester

Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 410

You deserved it 4 042

By fmylifebad - 29/04/2009 10:12 - United States

Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 138

You deserved it 12 188

Self sabotage

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She'd said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said, "Nah, it's just a generic face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 479

You deserved it 10 789

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 846

You deserved it 2 602

By Kamburgler - 02/07/2011 06:33 - United States

Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 385

You deserved it 5 720

Powerful

By Noguestlist - 02/03/2011 08:16

Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 564

You deserved it 9 941

By touched - 10/02/2009 11:30 - Philippines

Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 385

You deserved it 5 704

By ilovecowboys - 26/02/2010 09:09 - New Zealand

Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 876

You deserved it 7 037

By Anonymous - 06/07/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 713

You deserved it 6 793

By needanewride - 16/11/2012 02:40 - United States - Newton Center

Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 289

You deserved it 3 310

aKa_Bub0nic 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:30

Time for you to ketchup with the times and realize nobody licks their lips anymore to show signs of affection.

Kirashai 9

Monday 19 July 2010 1:30

...Yeah, he could've just tapped your shoulder and told you like a normal person.

Comments

beachgirl332 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:29

wow who does that anymore??

gabbster95 0

Monday 19 July 2010 4:29

what lick their lips?

beachgirl332 0

Monday 19 July 2010 5:10

yes lick their lips. it seems creepy to me...

gabbster95 0

Monday 19 July 2010 6:06

well I mean it depends who's doing it and for what reason.....

heyitsbrittany 0

Monday 19 July 2010 6:46

FYL. but oh so sorry

ronnyBrets 0

Monday 19 July 2010 6:47

SPAIN!!! **** yeahhhh

gabbster95 0

Monday 19 July 2010 7:49

España !!!!!!!!!

aKa_Bub0nic 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:30

Time for you to ketchup with the times and realize nobody licks their lips anymore to show signs of affection.

UsualSuspect_fml 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:34

I see what you did there. although it was pretty obvious.

GregDaBossMaster 0

Monday 19 July 2010 2:28

haha xD nice play on words

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Monday 19 July 2010 2:36

I wouldn't call it affection, but a guy did that to me once in a very obviously sexual way. Just sayin'.

SkidBarbeque 0

Monday 19 July 2010 3:14

someone did that to you?!? .... gross

aardvarkish 15

Monday 19 July 2010 3:48

68, do tell!

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Monday 19 July 2010 5:16

123: I was too disturbed to react, but I certainly could have "owned him," as you said below. While I'm not up to aardvark status, let's just say I don't necessarily need napkins to remove the occasional stray bit of mustard. ;)

v_garcia3 0

Monday 19 July 2010 8:53

3: nice pun!!! haha

G00N3R 19

Monday 12 January 2015 12:16

Punny

Kirashai 9

Monday 19 July 2010 1:30

...Yeah, he could've just tapped your shoulder and told you like a normal person.

SarahBearXoX 0

Monday 19 July 2010 3:06

he was probably doing it as a joke, or hinting it so he wouldn't embarass her...but he seemed to anyway :/

howareyoulard 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:30

haha, that's pretty funny

msyelowbubblegum 0

Monday 19 July 2010 6:28

ew glee...

sexy_babe_123 0

Monday 19 July 2010 8:46

I luv glee so shut up

BeeHappy_fml 0

Monday 19 July 2010 18:32

glee is the most retarded show on this planet.

nerdsgetmehot 22

Monday 19 July 2010 18:33

#258 Naw, I'm pretty sure there are far worse shows out there!

underpaid011 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:31

dude is probably a fag anyway. don't let one douche bag get you down!

XoXoSLY 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:32

Lol embaressing!

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

Monday 19 July 2010 5:50

*quack*

TaylorTotsYumm 10

Monday 19 July 2010 7:06

^lqtm

itchyballs 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:32

thats what ypu get for being an ugly sob

devilyy 2

Monday 19 July 2010 1:32

Good! Now you made me hungry! >:P

the_flirtt 0

Monday 19 July 2010 1:42

I hate mustard !!

the_flirtt 0

Monday 19 July 2010 2:17

ketchup is better

the_flirtt 0

Monday 19 July 2010 2:28

hah everybody has thier own personal preference

illmatic2 16

Monday 19 July 2010 2:46

Honey mustard beats everything.

Raleigh_bruh 7

Monday 19 July 2010 2:49

Honey mustard is disgusting. :D

FFML_314 11

Monday 19 July 2010 2:49

Yeah Zach, that is if you love the taste of your own vomit.

FFML_314 11

Monday 19 July 2010 2:55

Flirt that backpack is not a good idea when you're shirtless.

illmatic2 16

Monday 19 July 2010 2:57

You two are crazy. Honey mustard on sandwhiches and fries is Amazing. Can't be beat.

Raleigh_bruh 7

Monday 19 July 2010 2:58

Pepper = best condiment. :]

FFML_314 11

Monday 19 July 2010 3:01

No. Honey mustard is good for one thing and one thing only..

illmatic2 16

Monday 19 July 2010 3:02

And what is that Anna?

FFML_314 11

Monday 19 July 2010 3:04

Oh, I can't tell you that.

illmatic2 16

Monday 19 July 2010 3:05

:o Why not?

rainbowhobos 4

Monday 19 July 2010 3:32

Agree with #102. BBQ just pwns. Nuff said.

Raleigh_bruh 7

Monday 19 July 2010 3:33

Oh damn, I did tell you that huh Bianca? :/ Weeeeell, I can still have an opinion about it; and I think it's disgusting. :]

FFML_314 11

Monday 19 July 2010 3:43

Ranch. That is all.

rainbowhobos 4

Monday 19 July 2010 3:50

#117, whoo! :D

Raleigh_bruh 7

Monday 19 July 2010 4:02

I wish Bianca would even attempt to cut me.. She knows what will happen if she tries. :]

Raleigh_bruh 7

Monday 19 July 2010 4:14

Thank you, Captain. :] Bianca, I'm well aware you're not scared of me; and in all honesty I don't want you to be. I just want you to be aware that attempting to hurt me might get you beat up by some very high up people. :)

Raleigh_bruh 7

Monday 19 July 2010 4:25

Weeell #144 I don't hit females, but I assume by your retort to my post that you do? Niiiice. :P Bianca, get in my square. :] Lol, I've always wanted to say that to someone..

Raleigh_bruh 7

Monday 19 July 2010 4:39

Nope, get in my square translates to the exact opposite actually. :] You would do Chris Brown as in sleep with him? Wow.. Why is everything you type not coming out right lately? :| Also, I know you don't hate me because you've told me otherwise. :)