Today, I was riding the train and saw a cute guy licking his lips at me. Flattered, I gave him my number when the train stopped. He looked at me and said, "Don't flatter yourself. You have mustard on your face." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML
Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML
Today, I was drawing while on the train, when a very good-looking woman looked at my work and said, "Wow, she's pretty. Is it supposed to be me?" She'd said it in a flirty tone, but before I could stop myself, I'd said, "Nah, it's just a generic face." FML
Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and say,s "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML
Today, this really cute guy at work kept flirting with me and cracking the funniest jokes. Before he left, he told me how much he enjoyed making me smile. An hour later, I saw my reflection in a mirror, I had a huge piece of food stuck in my teeth. FML
Today, I tried to secretly take a photo of a cute guy on the train. I forgot my flash was on. He looked straight at me, smirked, and said, “If you wanted my picture, you could’ve just asked.” I got off three stops early. FML
Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML
Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the train after a long day. I woke up to find that I’d been drooling onto the shoulder of the stranger next to me for at least three stops. He said nothing, but when I stood up, there was a wet patch shaped like my face on his sleeve. FML
Today, on the train to work, the train guard was hot and I became stupidly nervous. I'm very shy and was trying to avoid eye-contact. He said 'THANK YOU', in a pissed off tone of voice and glared at me. I had absent-mindedly been staring in the direction of his prosthetic arm the entire time. FML
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Top comments
aKa_Bub0nic 0
Time for you to ketchup with the times and realize nobody licks their lips anymore to show signs of affection.
Kirashai 9
...Yeah, he could've just tapped your shoulder and told you like a normal person.
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Comments (235)
5t3ff1k4h 47
Well, boys and girls, let's think about this here for one second. If the universal signal for letting someone know there's food on their face is rubbing your face in the same area as the food on the other's face, (God, I'm saying face a lot tonight...) and the guy OP was talking to was licking his lips instead of touching his face, she can easily misunderstand his signals. So, OP's dude is the idiot (for that part of the FML), not OP herself (assuming OP is a she). OP is an idiot for not checking to see if there's any food on her face... most women carry a pocket mirror or slip to the bathroom to check their face after eating something messy. If OP was a guy, napkins, napkins, napkins!
perdix 31
I saw the musical "Wicked" yesterday. Suddenly, you look hot!
5t3ff1k4h 47
"I'll get you yet, my pretty! Ehehe!"
perdix 31
Are you coming for my little dog, too!?!?
5t3ff1k4h 47
*scans list* Toto.... yup! Found him! I'll be there shortly.
perdix 31
Ok I'm ready, but I'd better not make you wet, otherwise you could melt;)
5t3ff1k4h 47
WHAT?!?! Who told you this?! You weren't supposed to know my weakness! Noooooo!!!!
Generalx3 0
haha. I moderated this one. I lol'd. you got owned. xD!!
thaatgiirl 0
Aw, that sucks.
Save_Bandit 5
i just had to say it. you're hot. :-)
nateball 0
not only are you a ***** for giving him your number, you are a dirty ***** with mustard on your face
thatniggapaul 0
haha 74
puddinggrl 0
what does he have against mustard?
5t3ff1k4h 47
79, it wasn't honey mustard.
emilyk123 0
ha sucks 4 u
baybegurl 0
smooth moovee;p
illmatic2 16
^^^ Yeah but it shoulda been.
DontTouchMe1548 0
you gave your number to a stranger on a train?? do you not see where that could go wrong?