Love: Today, a booklet came in the mail, addressed to me and titled...

I'm the OP. Thankfully my wife has a good sense of humor. We eventually found out some of our friends did this as a joke. :). Time to pay the prank forward. The comments are hilarious, BTW.

Love

And today, on Dr Phil…

Hiding from the drama

Thanks, government

02/06/2019 06:00

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a volunteer badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she had a horrible day at work. They showed her my picture to cheer her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 141

08/01/2013 19:58

Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 886

You deserved it 68 706

19/05/2011 01:07

Today, I came home to my front door open and a homeless man taking a 'bath' in my sink. If this wasn't bad enough, he refused to leave because 'finders keepers!' FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 038

You deserved it 4 034

06/04/2015 16:18

Today, I spent my last $50 to get a ticket to take my daughter out for a nice birthday dinner tonight. It wasn't until after I purchased it that I realized the restaurant isn't even open on Mondays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 835

You deserved it 5 546

15/06/2017 04:00

Today, I was fired from my job over a coupon a coworker offered me for bonus reward points. Apparently, it wasn't one I was entitled to. I never even looked at the coupon and assumed it was fine since they offered it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 084

You deserved it 478

19/05/2009 20:13

Today, my husband let me sleep in while he worked on the landscaping by our backyard pool. Ready for a shower, I stripped naked, opened the back door to let the dog out, and stepped out to ask him how it was going. Turns out he'd finally hired a landscaping crew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 041

You deserved it 27 911

03/03/2016 05:32

Today, while I was working at a sushi restaurant, a guy told me he wanted the table next to the "koi fish tank", because he wanted to let the fish know what happens when they "cross him". FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 535

You deserved it 2 549

12/12/2013 08:51

Today, my roommate, who happens to be a writer, got so pissed off at his editor that he got drunk, wrapped his arms around my waist, and only stopped when I agreed to spoon him. This is not the first time this has happened either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 571

You deserved it 5 723

12/01/2014 11:04

Today, trying to get some much needed rest, I heard my neighbors fighting loudly. When they finally quit, they left a DVD on, directly behind my wall: Spongebob, with the menu tune on loop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 132

You deserved it 3 853

20/07/2011 01:29

Today, I was riding on the bus, when I felt a weird sensation on my hair. The person behind me was petting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 918

You deserved it 3 081

04/02/2016 04:59

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 643

You deserved it 1 767

26/02/2011 21:36

Today, while waiting in line for the ski lift, the lady behind me kept stepping on my skis. Annoyed, I turned around and shouted at her "Get the f*ck off my skis!" Just as the last word escaped my mouth, I noticed that my skis were crossed and it was actually me stepping on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 923

You deserved it 63 614

22/07/2009 21:09

Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 530

You deserved it 5 699

Stahp!

By Michael - 14/10/2020 23:02

Today, I had to babysit my dying grandmother, so I brought up my guitar. She hadn't said anything to anyone today, and the first thing and only thing she said was, "Stop. Make it stop" to me when I played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 355

Busted

By Stacy - 21/03/2009 00:43

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in and there was a note that said, "Stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 743

You deserved it 121 477

26/09/2012 10:30

Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 886

You deserved it 1 934

09/07/2015 06:21

Today, I was observing a children's class as a part of a training program. The teacher asked me to take one kid to the nurse's office because she wasn't feeling well. As soon as we step outside, I slip and fall down, taking the little girl with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 190

You deserved it 2 935

Don't stop now!

By Anonymous - 09/03/2021 03:01

Today, as usual during sex, my boyfriend finished first, and then he "massaged" me so I could finish too. While he was doing that, his grandma called. He actually answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 152

You deserved it 150

22/01/2012 04:50

Today, a cute girl was walking towards me. She held up her hand for a high five, so I also did the same. I hadn't noticed her friend behind me, and was left hanging and embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 113

You deserved it 6 352

Denied

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 14:02

Today, I asked a girl for her number and I wrote it down when she gave it to me. When I called her, it wasn't her. She'd given me a restaurant's phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 271

15/10/2015 18:19

Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 315

You deserved it 1 826

08/06/2009 04:08

Today, I was introduced to my dad's girlfriend of six months. I've already heard them sleeping together several time,s and seen her car pull away early in the morning. After meeting face to face, I also learned that she's only two years older than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 737

You deserved it 3 248

15/01/2011 20:21

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 379

You deserved it 37 586

02/01/2013 11:15

Today, after a drunken New Year's Eve party with friends, I woke up with a penis on my cheek. It wasn't a drawing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 708

You deserved it 2 009

Teenagers

By Chuncan Duncan - 01/04/2021 15:59

Today, my wife and I can’t decide if we should force my stepson to wait when he rudely demands something, in the hope he’ll learn patience and some manners, or just give him what he wants so he’ll go away and stop making us miserable. He’s 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 1 151

01/07/2011 01:27

Today, my dad forgot me at cross country practice. When he got there two hours late, instead of apologizing, he said, "Hey, that's only the third time I've forgotten you at practice. You should be congratulating me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 682

You deserved it 2 801

Family ain't all it's cracked up to be

By frogface_fml - 20/05/2020 05:00

Today, I talked to my birth mother for the first time in over 26 years. Five minutes into our conversation, I remembered why I stayed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 468

You deserved it 187

Lava

By not_fakingit - 22/09/2013 04:26

Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 474

You deserved it 11 205

20/02/2015 19:25

Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 922

You deserved it 3 340

22/01/2013 08:09

Today, my mother burst into tears and hysterics when she found out my fiancée and I were not "pure" for our upcoming wedding. I'm 28, she's 27, and we've lived together for four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 634

You deserved it 5 016

Masterchef

By Anonymous - 06/05/2021 22:01

Today, I'm 3 months pregnant and have seemingly started having sex dreams about other men. Last night, I had a passionate affair with an older man. Who was it? Joe Bastianich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 161

Drugs are bad, well, some of them

By RockMeetsHardPlace - 15/03/2021 15:01

Today, like every day since my diagnosis, I've had to choose between two impossible options. Either I deal with debilitating headaches where I cannot focus, or I feel so drowsy that I cannot focus. My finals are in a week and I can't study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 51

24/10/2016 15:53

Today, while changing my tampon in a public restroom, a toddler crawled under the door of my stall and asked what I was doing. I had to wait until I'd finished to open the door and let her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 686

You deserved it 708

10/03/2009 12:46

Today, it was my birthday. My girlfriend bought me a Nickelback CD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 483

You deserved it 29 240

27/04/2013 00:21

Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 997

You deserved it 6 246

Butterfingers

By eiregal2 - 15/04/2020 23:00

Today, I somehow managed to slice open my thumb. The dangerous weapon that caused this to happen? Velcro. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 167

28/01/2012 13:40

Today, I came home to a furious wife and an answering machine message from a woman neither of us know claiming I got her pregnant. My wife won't believe she got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 363

You deserved it 3 019

02/02/2010 06:20

Today, I found out that my boyfriend asked me to marry him because he could get a tax cut from buying the ring. All of this happened in front of his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 728

You deserved it 2 438

13/12/2014 05:05

Today, I came home to find out my roommate sold my PS4, because, "You don't use it anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 105

You deserved it 2 835

01/06/2014 01:53

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 924

You deserved it 5 684

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Top comments

clumsylobster 17

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Saturday 31 January 2015 14:33

Better get reading.

tygerarmy 35

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Saturday 31 January 2015 14:43

If you look, the first chapter gauges your ability to control your wife's reaction to seeing it.

Comments

clumsylobster 17

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Saturday 31 January 2015 14:33

Better get reading.

angelitared 27

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Saturday 31 January 2015 14:35

Hope you like the dog house!!

hernanjaimes_ 22

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Saturday 31 January 2015 14:38

If he didn't order it why should he get the dog house? I honestly don't think that's fair

KittyLahv 27

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Saturday 31 January 2015 14:57

Of course it's not fair, but the wife still thinks he ordered it.

mt631 18

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Saturday 31 January 2015 15:07

If he helps pay for the house then he gets to sleep inside. If she has a problem then SHE can sleep in the doghouse/on the couch.

hernanjaimes_ 22

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Saturday 31 January 2015 15:39

#15: That doesn't mean he should have to sleep there that's still messed up

1dvos_grl3 21

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Saturday 31 January 2015 18:52

#9 There could have been an address typo. Best OP should do is make a flyer around the neighborhood or something saying he's got the book. or he can just keep it.

I_Bite 22

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Sunday 1 February 2015 4:19

#17 you said "helps" pay for the house, as in she pays too. So if he's the one that's done something wrong (I say IF as he said he didn't order it) than he should be the one on the couch and if she's the one that's done something wrong, she sleeps on the couch :)