Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. We haven't had sex yet. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she was pregnant. She also said I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, I found out via a Twitter post that my girlfriend is pregnant. FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of four years. She took the opportunity to tell me that she's pregnant. With my half-brother. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend is four months pregnant. She can't wait for us to be parents. I guess she forgot that I haven't seen her in 7 months. FML
Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
Today, my husband of 3 years learned that he's going to be a father. No, I'm not pregnant. FML
Top comments
MrHughJass 0
You're doing it wrong.
doctor_awesome 8
is her name Mary?
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Comments (231)
MrHughJass 0
You're doing it wrong.
hydef14 2
party foul on her part
TheBeatlesAreLov 0
Well, he's doing something, but it sure ain't his girlfriend.
Denikk 0
3 years and you still didn't get laid? she's more of a man than you
opendoorclosed 8
And you're still with her? ffs.
groundzeromma 8
if you ain't ****** yo woman somebody else is!
Drigr 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
47 - you're an ass. not all relationships revolve around sex. and who's to say they aren't doing other stuff. or maybe he comes from a religion where he strictly follows a "no sex before marriage" rule.
nahgemoohc 17
#88-no... Really?:O
blaherman 12
when it pop's out do a jig while singing "it ain't mine so I don't gotta pay for it"
Keyman1212 14
But she's doing it right!
kai_ngo 0
121. I think he was referring to still calling her his girlfriend after that happened. Chill man.
ryno101 3
it could be the return of Jesus?
OuchAndGoodfight 5
Lame^
Big_Red_138 3
121 - in a lot of cases regarding religion, unless the person is really into the religion and strictly follows it (which honestly MOST teens and young adults find that hard since there's so much shit to do that contradicts a lot of religion). Maybe she just didn't like you like that OP but was too chicken to break up with you. A possible example could be that my ex never kissed me other than just little pecks even when we were together for 5 months, and she refused to take pictures with me(not as bad as sex, but anyways..) now I see that she's done ALL of that stuff with her next few boyfriends. My point being that she didn't want to be with me, but was too chicken to tell me so she went off and did stuff with other guys (after we broke up. Im pretty sure she didn't cheat on me) but anyways. Fyl OP I feel for you =/
n8tivepride 1
Well she dont want to wait so guesse sex is important
Y_u_no_smile 7
I think 47 was trying to point that OP's girlfriend slept with someone else and obviously didn't respect OP's decision to stay virgin for some reason.
mamamenee 0
yes I agree
drcool41 0
it could have been worse, like of it was yours
justynicole 0
Name it Jesus.
babyfireball77 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Did anyone think of the possibility that they are both virgins?.. Its rare but you can actually get pregnant without having sex.
kai_ngo 0
Where the hell did you hear that? Nothing against religious folks, but being a virgin and getting pregnant is impossible. Well, next to impossible, but I'd rather not delve into the nitty gritty details. : {]
dellsy 0
wow really!!! how can that happen? does the guy throw his sperm at her ****** like spiderman casts his web!!! (sarcasm)
canadianpride 0
Hot and smart? ;o
MrHughJass 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
There was a woman who claimed to have gotten pregnant by a 3D porno. She and her husband are both white but the baby is black and so was the pornstar. The baby even looked like the pornstar.
MaskedGuardian 3
hw much cheap wine have you drunk?
MaskedGuardian 3
hw much cheap wine have you drunk?
thanuja 0
Be optimistic! Maybe she's carrying Jesus #2!
NippsSlipps 10
How the **** can you get pregnant if u still a virgin???
Raeser 7
Sperm on a womans leg for example. Hand-job + masturbation. ALOT of ways!
Rainbow_dumpster 28
That story was a famous hoax, 341.
SailorLove 4
373 and everyone else asking how you can be a pregnant virgin -- it's called 'precum' it's that tiny bit of cum that leaks out when you get aroused. if a penis is close enough to the ****** to get it inside then it can happen. RARE but it can. it can also happen anally. ALSO RARE.
annemarte 4
Oh my God!
Narelon 12
I think he was actually indicating to the fact that she got impregnated by another dude.
Narelon 12
Yup. In the words of Gregory House... "You can get pregnant by sitting on the toilet seat. There has to be a guy between you and the toilet seat, though."
domolovesyoshi 33
47 said "and you're still with her?" i'm guessing that it's geared toward OP's girlfriends fidelity
guskta 17
#387 excluding artificial means you have to actually have sex to get pregnant. Precum has a high sperm count but the sperms dont travel fast enough to reach and fertilize an egg. As for getting impregnated "anally" I have to ask if you're retarded?
imustbeinsane 2
that's so messed up :/ I'm sorry fyl but hey at least it wasn't alot more
ImaWiseGuy 5
haha, some girls are impatient with noobs....
phoenix89 2
It's spelled a lot not alot... just sayin'
mikolyshka 0
62 - no one cares
Molord1 0
124 - I care. so I thumbed it up. so you were wrong saying that nobody cares. you fail. I win. k?
gmc_blossom 21
124- I care too. "A lot" should never be "alot". Because "alot" isn't a word. -_- People who type it, are either stupid, lazy, or their space bar is hard to press for some reason and only press it for necessary words, and "a lot" doesn't seem to important to them.
humzizzl3 0
what the hell OP? 3 years & no sex? what are you 10?
kookookatchu 0
*too
kookookatchu 0
-158 *too
imustbeinsane 2
Wow I seriously got thumbed down for some stupid shit like that? Also, if you're going to be picky about it make sure you use perfect grammar yourself. Anyway a lot of you miss the point
DjeePee 25
'why can't I speak the way I want and if u understand my point then why the hell do u have to care if I used the wrong spelling or grammar.' Because there are other people out here who don't have English as their native language. Which means that, if you write the way you want, it becomes harder and harder for us to understand your comment.
BigFudge 2
People thumbed you down because they took your comment to mean: "It could have been worse" to which most people would respond: "She was with him for 3 years and cheated on him. How could it be worse." Perhaps you should have been clearer with your wording.
buuuulshit 0
well the people that are bitching about it all seem to sleek 'perfect' emglish they are ***** that probably call everyone ignorant, you ****
buuuulshit 0
speak*
Delta2Almanac 7
@229 Ahah ha. It's funny cause you didn't put a point at the end.
daniel0720 0
agree
Lmwvball9 0
"Alot" is a word by the way; it's a verb similar to the verb "give out." I'm just saying it should be "a lot" but "alot" is in fact a word.
peniiis 8
Actually... You fail. Haha.
doctor_awesome 8
is her name Mary?
Darklord53 0
lol my gf's name is Mary.
im_bored_tired 12
13, that should say somthin man. haha
spazmattic 0
Virgin birth? Inconceivable!
imnotcraZ 0
the power of Christ compels you!!!! lol
DKjazz 20
I'm Jewish, so at first I didn't get the comment, but then 40's comment helped me get it. Also, Bwaahahaa! Inconceivable, get it?
AnonymousOne234 3
115...yeah..thats the joke..thank you captain obvious
xxlauruh 0
even Jews are well aware of the story of Mary. just say you aren't religious because obviously you don't actually follow Judaism.
jessyrodgers 0
wasn't there 2 mary's one virgin one *****? lol
livgasms 4
yeah one was his mum and one was his wife
mba1425 0
13 that's exactly what I was thinking
a_nutritionist 10
you were thinking that 13s girlfriends name was mary? thats just creepy.
rocketeer_97 1
147- Yes, there was virgin Mary & Mary Magdelene; the prostitute.
FernAdele 9
lmaaaaaao
blanquito 1
this is one of the best comments I've ever seen of FML.. Good job sir
hall1234 0
u stole my pic
ss_20_xx 14
Lol
MollyDollLifee 1
Dude, after having a happy relationship for 3 years and NOT having sex, wouldn't you catch on to her little secret?
j_cat187 20
yea u need to **** on the first date
karmennn 0
guys that are virgins are 10 time cuter! in my opinion(:
LexusRenee 6
how is that possible
MollyDollLifee 1
Well, virgin's ARE cute, but there are plenty of non-virgins who are cute too. Cuteness simply depends of the independent.
mattdm91 0
dump her sorry ass and the kid is not yours so you don't have to raise it. you're free!
violetdabomb 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Dude that is terrible. Im not saying it's OP's responsibility to even care for the baby, but if he can afford it, I think he should at least try and help because the baby didn't do anything wrong and it shouldn't suffer because its mum is a cheating sl*t.
caboose003 0
101- completely disagree, she chose to go **** around with someone else, she should hold him finically responsible for raising this kid not the OP. True it's not the child's fault but that doesn't make it the OPs responsibility. OP get out now!
sparxva 12
101 - it is not his kid. Why should he "help out" his cheating girlfriend. Let her go to the fathet for help.
jewknowit710 2
101 you sir are retarded. why if the child is not mine would I stick my neck out so that the next 18 years of MY life I'm paying for her mistake. OP it's time to jump ship you can't be to far from shore
sparxva 12
Why should he help his cheating girlfriend raise somebody else's child? That's just stupid. Let her tell the kid's father if she needs help. Run. Don't walk.
dancerNsinger4li 0
101 I feel what you are saying but at the same time she cheated so the father needs to take care of his business, if the father isn't in the picture then that is a different situation.
tweetbaby14 18
101, why should he help? it's his money and not his kid, so hmm.... would you help someone that not only cheated on you but that also got pregnant in the process of being a *****? I know I wouldn't... then again I don't have a penis.... nor am I a cheating *****....
a_nutritionist 10
why dump her? youve got 9 solid months of guaranteed contraception growing inside of her. i say use the 9 months to your advantage and move on.
SeedlessMe 13
101, So... You're saying that OP should suffer & go through that bullshit cause his (hopefully ex) girlfriend was a cheating *****? That doesn't seem very fair... Or at all reasonable.
jfrommer 2
you're dumb
iLoveQueen91 0
why should OP take care of it if it's not his? that's dumb and a waste of time and money.. she cheated, time to dumb her sorry ***** ass and move on..
creamcheese724 0
are you kidding me? I feel like hitting you with a stapler
scarletlily_fml 3
What the hell? you were with her for THREE YEARS and never once had sex with her? That's crazy.
Mitcha857 0
3 years down the drain.. what a waste of time
2ndSucks 15
Some people choose to wait, maybe that's what op was doing. It shows that he respects his girlfriend at least. It's just too bad she didn't return the favor.
DjeePee 25
So, waiting with sex is more respectful than having sex? Interesting.
a_nutritionist 10
@116 it doesnt show that at all. it shows how important sex is to him, and nothing more. you can still treat someone like shit but act the hero by not having sex. and i dont see why 70 was thumbed down, she cheated on him, its 3 years wasted when he could have been with someone else. theyre right.
shnipe 4
o today's society...
awaywiththefairi_fml_fml 8
Your Sperm are Ninjas so... it's only logic!!!
TheBeatlesAreLov 0
Your face combined with your comment scares me.
twinmum_fml 6
#7 that's gold! so funny
CaliGali 9
she reminds me of a barbie doll, the hair and the not thinking part...
xxlauruh 0
what's wrong with your face?
Laurababy1668 0
Have you ever considered seeing a therapist? Or even maybe going back to high school biology? :|
PandaCastro11 0
she looks like the joker.. o_o
i75thairborne 0
uhhh 84 looks like a barbie doll, too?
DylanVermette 0
your cute
IndigoFuckYou 9
Last time that happened, someone wrote a book about it. We call it "The Bible."
cookies61889 15
but the bible is a little different cause the female is the virgin in that story
Mach10 0
They wanted to mix it up a little for the sequel.
bill929 7
haha lmao ^^
taazer 12
lmfao
mdtdnb 7
bwahahahaha! that's some funny shit!
IIRoxieII 12
uhh... congratulations!!!
unluckiestperson_fml 14
3 years and no sex? Woah.
TheNewGuy03 29
yeah, talk about a dry spell; it's a ******* drought. i guess that's why she had to go and get some dna in her all slick-like. op, unless, you're sure you're dating divinity, then do what needs doing and dump the douche. |the kid|