Love: Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been...

By Anonymous - 21/09/2011 12:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 459

You deserved it 5 422

Love

Stop talking!

Hiding from the drama

A boy can dream

Cheeky

By MarieN - 26/10/2021 17:00

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 126

You deserved it 158

By good big sister? - 02/07/2013 17:39 - Canada - Sault Sainte Marie

Today, my 7-year-old sister had a nightmare, so I let her sleep in my bed. I woke up to her punching me in the face and giving me a black eye. Apparently, she not only screams when she's having a nightmare, she also "gives the bad guy a taste of his own medicine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 011

You deserved it 4 699

By Punk - 07/06/2011 20:07 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 327

You deserved it 11 803

What is it?

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, I had my first orgasm. He thought something was wrong, so he stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 892

You deserved it 8 181

By Anonymous - 22/07/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 901

You deserved it 106 073

By Stoodup - 26/03/2019 12:00

Today I spent an hour getting ready for my first date of the year, only to wait 30 min in the cold and then walking back home by myself. Why didn’t he show up? On his way to the date he got invited for a threesome and decided to do that instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 253

You deserved it 205

By Anonymous - 25/08/2011 18:21 - United States

Today, I got a mass text message from a friend saying she's sorry she can't meet up with our group of friends for drinks because she's busy tonight. This is the first I've heard of any bar-crawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 331

You deserved it 2 583

By chi_chia - 24/03/2011 15:03 - United States

Today, while vacuuming my car, I discovered a hole in the floor under one of the seats. Unable to figure out where it came from, I took it to a professional, who informed me that a family of rats has been making my car their home for the last several months. How lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 805

You deserved it 4 922

By Anonymous - 29/06/2013 16:52 - United States

Today, a drunk driver drove his car through my mailbox. He got pissed, started yelling, and threatened to sue me for "putting the mailbox in the middle of the road". If my front lawn is a road, I'm going to have some serious issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 326

You deserved it 2 739

By Just keep the pins - 25/12/2016 17:50 - Sweden - Floda

Today, it's been 2 months since I broke up with my boyfriend. He's been texting me every time he found a bobby pin at his house that belonged to me, saying we should both see it as a sign of us belonging together. If he keeps this up every time he finds one, the texts will probably never stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 015

You deserved it 843

Halloween came early

By umm..WHAT?? - 22/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I woke up in horror to see that my 34-year-old cousin, who was spending the night, was watching me sleep. Once he noticed that I was awake, he quietly left the room. I told my mom, who then told me not to tell anyone and pretend that it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 66

By legit - 02/03/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I was singing Alicia Keys in the shower and hitting the insanely high notes. My father ran into the bathroom and threw open the shower door, screaming. He thought I was wailing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 171

You deserved it 46 834

By Anonymous - 16/10/2017 23:15

Today, I was blaring the radio to drown out the sound of the kids in the apartment upstairs. They then started jumping in time with the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 484

You deserved it 803

By Alin - 13/09/2018 14:30

Today, I slept alone again in bed. After travelling 15000 km across the world to be with my long-distance husband, he has refused to kiss or hug me in the week I've been here. I never thought I would be in a sexless marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 576

You deserved it 384

By Moth_Balled - 15/12/2015 04:50 - Australia

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 396

You deserved it 6 356

By smarty - 16/10/2009 21:02 - United States

Today, I bought a safe. I put all of my most prized possessions in it, including all of my jewelry, family heirlooms and important papers. Oh, and just before I locked it up, I put the key to the safe in there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 590

You deserved it 50 154

By brokenkneechick - 07/02/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I called the campus police to give me a ride to the cafeteria since I am on crutches from knee surgery. I was only halfway into the car when the man started driving and ran over my foot. Now neither my right knee or my left foot work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 421

You deserved it 2 211

By SchoolSucks - 19/02/2013 17:05 - United States

Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 312

You deserved it 3 194

By Anonymous - 24/11/2014 18:47 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I decided to check out a dating site, when I stumbled across my ex wife's profile. She'd had it for four out of the five years of our marriage. And no, it didn't rate us as a good match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 747

You deserved it 3 843

By violetbcracecar - 14/12/2016 03:48 - United States - Suisun City

Today, for the first time in my life, I have lice. The dog we rescued infested our house. No amount of showering has made me feel clean, and my bald husband just doesn't understand why I'm so bothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 537

You deserved it 927

By gretel - 16/09/2010 13:17 - Australia

Today, I'd finally reached my goal weight. I went into the office where my husband was, to show him the new size 8 jeans I'd bought. He responded with "I wouldn't buy any more clothes, you'll be putting the weight back on again soon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 701

You deserved it 4 205

By anon - 22/02/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, I got fired from a great baby sitting job because the little girl said I was boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 536

You deserved it 16 251

By mario - 02/03/2019 19:00 - United States - Corvallis

Today, my roommate ran out of filter tips so he cut up my chemistry note cards for his joints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 241

You deserved it 193

By red_headforlife - 28/09/2012 05:34 - United States - Chandler

Today, I was so happy to be leaving the hospital after breaking my arm the night before. Just as I walked out of the doors, a huge ambulance team was running in at the same time and knocked me down full force. I now have a broken ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 217

You deserved it 2 529

By brokennose - 26/08/2009 04:40 - United States

Today, I was at the bar and my friend and I were making fun of this guy wearing a Affliction muscle tee and bedazzled Ed Hardy hat. We were saying how he was the epitome of a douche bag and that he probably likes UFC. Turns out he's an MMA fighter and I now have a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 758

You deserved it 67 389

By Selfish Whiner - 03/06/2013 11:56 - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, I started seeing a therapist for my depression. While I was looking through the magazines in the waiting room, I found an article accusing people who see therapists of being selfish and having no real problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 949

You deserved it 5 673

By mortifiedgrandchild - 09/01/2012 18:53 - United States

Today, I came across a picture of my grandpa taking a hit off a bong, while wearing nothing but a Playboy shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 148

You deserved it 4 341

Priorities

By elly - 08/04/2021 14:00

Today, I broke my toe and screamed, "Fuck!" My mom heard and yelled at me for swearing, while I laid on the floor in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 144

By ninja_blasphemer - 25/07/2011 19:24 - Ireland

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 984

You deserved it 7 774

By Anonymous - 16/08/2019 12:00

Today, my grandmother loudly announced that she has a yeast infection. Under her breast. She attempted to show me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 595

You deserved it 116

By Anonymous - 04/10/2013 05:04 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I was training at work on proper techniques of physical restraint. As my coworker was practicing on me, I realized this was the first time I've had physical contact with a man in years. I'm ashamed to admit how good it felt to feel his weight pressed into my back as I pretended to resist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 760

You deserved it 4 937

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 17:16 - Australia

Today, an old man started telling me about the high price of meat. I told him I wouldn't know, since I'm a vegetarian. His reply was, "Oh, most vegetarians are slimmer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 859

You deserved it 8 946

Leave us alone!

By J.. - 27/04/2021 17:01

Today, I've been receiving a lot of calls from my telephone company, offering combo packages with internet, Netflix, Disney+ and whatever the fuck. We had previously resigned from their services, because the company never had the intention of fixing an outage that was caused BY THE SAME COMPANY. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 54

Grown-ass man

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 23:01 - United States - Southfield

Today, my mom got angry that I moved stuff in the freezer, and banned me from even opening it in future. I’m in my 30s, I fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, and now I've lost freezer privileges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 174

By drycleanplz - 21/06/2011 02:33 - Reserved

Today, I wore my expensive new white jacket to work, thinking it would be a nice change from my usual black. I managed to lean in printer ink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 560

You deserved it 12 807

Public freakout

By Anonymous - 07/05/2021 06:00

Today, some punk got up in my face yelling at me, pushed my wife and scratched my car with a, "What you gonna do, old man?" attitude, and yet I’m the bad guy who gets arrested because I open-palm slapped him and he fell into a glass window and fucked up his face and neck, probably permanently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 618

You deserved it 271

By concernedsis - 04/02/2016 14:53 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 602

You deserved it 1 826

By Anonymous - 26/12/2014 05:59 - United States - Jeromesville

Today, a friend invited me to christmas dinner since I have no family close by. When I got there she told me her and her husband forgot they had another dinner to go to and asked if I would watch their kids for them. They each grabbed a handful of cookies I had baked and rushed out the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 073

You deserved it 2 877

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 14:53 - United States - Conroe

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 206

You deserved it 3 736

By -_- - 12/01/2014 08:03 - United States

Today, my wife told my 7-year-old son that he looks just like me. He began crying and said, "I don't want to be ugly like him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 377

You deserved it 4 898

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Undead4life 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:34

RUN!!!!! RUN FAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jayellef 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:33

breakup with her, that's a bit psycho.

volley4eva1698 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:33

love at first sight?

GrammerNazi1000 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:38

She's organizing everything? Wife that bitch.

bjdavey 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:41

Well at least you know she loves you!

fanceh 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:41

Put your hand on her stomach and say, "soon this will be ripe with my seed."

enonymous 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:49

We don't know when her first sight started. She could be creeping in his tree with binoculars for the last 3 years for all we know

FlipInBrosky 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:50

More like neurotic-attachments at first sight! RUN AWAY OP! Run away...

Alex94xela 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:01

Lol he should leave her or hit it and quit it. Crazy girls are just not worth it.

peteyfas 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:30

Stage 5 clinger

XxD3MONxX 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:44

bro. get out while you still can.

fthislyfe 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:58

I'm already planning my wedding with my crush who doesn't even know I exist (true story)

rexgar2000 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 17:21

lol I remember that FML

shoopd 19

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 17:31

Whatever you do, do NOT stick your dick in crazy!

cudi504 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 22:33

17 i lold at your comment but isnt it "plump with my seed"?

msdoesntbelong 6

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 23:07

I say run while you still can!!

fat_snooki_lol 6

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 23:08

RUN!

RedSharpieInk 5

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 1:07

She plans ahead! Waaayy ahead...

nilin95 1

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 3:27

Dude get out of there I've seen this happen not good.

timeoffire45 8

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 3:40

Run for the fucking hills, dude. She's cray-zay!

fanceh 10

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 5:31

150- I forgot if it was ripe or plump, and plump just didn't sound right at the time, hahah.

EmyB_fml 8

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 7:00

Run awayyyy !!!

Istalkrexgar2000_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 8:13

Will you marry me? Wedding plans are already done.

Istalkrexgar2000_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 8:20

I love you

MJ5000 0

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 11:51

Made me rofl

klovemachine 24

Send a private message

Thursday 8 March 2012 17:49

ah yeah...hit it and quit it

jayellef 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:33

breakup with her, that's a bit psycho.

opendoorclosed 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:42

I agree.

slick5880 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:08

RUN! Run as fast as you can before it's to late.

olpally 32

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:27

We have a stage 5 clinger... Run away op..

shinotenshii 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:28

red alert!!!

RavagedSouI 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:30

I don't have a girlfriend but I already make future plans (nothing related to the wedding though). Maybe this is why I will be FOREVER ALONE T.T

ashesofempires04 7

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:34

She's just waiting to tell you you're gonna be a dad. It may even be yours!

ShyAnn29 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 17:45

How did you cut your forehead?

fr33m3xican 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 18:24

dude she's going to sabotage your condom D:

marpay 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 19:17

3- That is going to be an epic scar, grats!

soccer_lover_714 4

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 1:17

No offense or anything but that's DISGUSTING. but it's not as bad as my cousins toe after he had a pole smash through it...

Undead4life 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:34

RUN!!!!! RUN FAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TwistedFury25 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:58

I had the exact same thought as #4 Lmao!

Lythiaren 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 21:15

I absolutely agree. RUN LIKE YOU'RE COVERED IN BEES.

MyMilkShake2Yard 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 22:19

Running away from your problem will only make the matter worse, you have to take it like a man...

mackop 0

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 0:40

not this you dont

BeatlesObsessed 12

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 1:55

Run Forest, run!

FrenchToast94 0

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 12:10

Run Forrest run!!

wirelessgeek 0

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 15:05

Change your phone number, email...consider Witness Protection Program!

Damion345 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:35

ofan, tell her chill

NomOnShroomz 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 22:20

OP, is your girlfriend 8 by any chance?

YayFlameWarz 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:36

The voices told her to do it.

rexgar2000 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 17:23

your comments are so weird

YayFlameWarz 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 20:46

I take pride in my work.

countrydevil 6

Send a private message

Thursday 22 September 2011 5:07

The only reason I don't listen to the voices in my head is because they tell me not to.

kkmwong 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:36

Get out while you can, no way can someone make a lifetime commitment in three days.

abceasyas123abc 12

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:51

What happened to love at first sight? Didn't Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom decide to get married after 10 days of knowing each other? Great example, I know..

kkmwong 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:43

They had another week to work things out LOL.

marpay 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 19:19

When you know you know. When I met my partner I knew we would be perfect together, 5 years later and we are still going strong. Love is just one of those things. :)

kkmwong 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 20:01

In Just three days? That's amazing.

ReynshineCutting 10

Send a private message

Friday 23 September 2011 6:18

Same here. On our third date we said I Love You and at 3 1/2 weeks we got engaged. We just celebrated our 3 year anniversary last week. Sometimes it just happens.

jetblack59 0

Send a private message

Friday 23 September 2011 11:04

I totally agree get out of it.... before it is too late

xSniperx_fml 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:37

Tell her, that you want it to go slow, not get married straight away.

death_dolphin24 0

Send a private message

Sunday 20 November 2011 19:17

That never works.

mcerin 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:37

Not cool.

ACM1991 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 15:37

Sounds like she really loves you ( maybe she is immature) BUT keep your eyes wide open anyways.

ivy922 4

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:12

Omg, you're so hot, I think I love you. Marry me?? :)

RunnerDudeTyler 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 21 September 2011 16:46

Seems more like it's immature lust and she doesn't know the difference. Although at the same time they could have known each other for years making this a completely different story.