Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML
Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML
Today, I was alone in the car with my grandma for five hours while she told me all about the multiple bladder infections she's had in the past year. FML
Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML
Today, my 80 year-old grandad is having more sex in his retirement home than I am as a married man. And by that I mean his care staff had to call me to say they found him having sex. That’s once this year, whereas I’ve not had sex with my wife in three years. I can’t afford to divorce her. FML
Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML
Today, I was the only family member available to take my grandad to hospital, after he fell on a bottle in the shower and got it stuck up his ass. Again. I swear we need to start monitoring him in the bathroom. FML
Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML
Today, I had to go to my parents' house and interrupt their "private time" to tell them that grandpa is in the emergency room. For those of you who are wondering if it gets any less traumatizing and/or awkward as an adult: it doesn't. FML
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Top comments
fistnazal 10
Have you ever banged a nat'zee with lungs full of napalm?! ..Damn teenagers! With ther' books with faces own'em! Tweet'n n' twat'n! Brah't colors.. Listenin to little weezer's.. Whacker flackers.. And wizard khalifer's!!
maybeeiwill 11
Lucky!
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Comments (115)
maybeeiwill 11
Lucky!
RaggleFrock 13
He didn't fight in WW2 so you could shy away from listening to his sexcapades!
boydeee01 7
What a "playa".
n_epic_fail 14
DAMN! So you probably know about our night in the woods -_____-
LolFMLnot 10
He probably misses his old days. Most of the old people always live in the past, because those are the best times of their life.
AustinMahone_fml 3
appreciate your elders!
leprechaun23 15
"Back in my day we used a sock, not those conflounded condoms you young'ns have today"
BABYPUNCHINGGUY 0
I remember Nam. I love the smell of ****** in the morning. get it apocalypse now
Jessic1 5
That's awkward!
hawkey126 0
Hey, that's a lot better than hearing about his illnesses or other medical problems.
Jessic1 5
True true
KaanTech 0
Well definitly true, much much better
l0v3p4in 7
The awkwardness comes from the fact that OP is the *granddaughter* listening to her *grandfather's* sexcapade stories. It's just as bad as it would be for her to listen to her father's one-night stand stories. Definitely not as awkward had OP been a boy.
IbizaNightclub 3
Wonderful learning experience.
rattusrattus 19
Record it, write it up as a compelling true-life story, and publish it for us to see! :D
name_of_user11 2
Your grandfather is kind of awesome... I think I am jealous
petraphotoDOTca 6
ditto! stop being a wuss and listen up! it's not like your life will ever be as interesting, OP!
ADuckOnQuack_fml 0
Wow. That's just... Plain Gross.
Thelnternet 7
If it wasn't grross this would not have been an FML.
Danny0522 8
If it wasn't gross, then it would be... IMPOSSIBRU... for it to get on the site.
stevenJB 25
Impossible*
shannyjones 0
Grandfather: and there was that ONE time - in the woods... Lol :) sounds like something my grandpa would say-
jssninja 4
Hopefully he never caught any STD
Krirn 21
Tiger* Unless you were trying to attract perdix in for another chat about eggos ;)
mannykatany 9
Awkward
RedPillSucks 33
You took notes, right?